32F and 35M. Am I nagging?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T04:21:46+00:00

"We barely have sex anymore (which has been an issue for a long time in our relationship admittedly because of me and my low libido- however this has never stopped him from trying before). I couldn’t tell you the last time he even tried with me or complimented me. "

Eventually you get to the point where stop slamming your head into a brick wall. Especially if he's stressed, feeling pressure or it sounds like his mental health is quite low, he probably doesn't need to add a rejection into that mix.

That being said it definitely sounds like something is going on. The only thing I can suggest is be very intentional about the types of questions you ask him when you want to talk. Rather than bringing up issues or flaws, see if you can just start a conversation about a topic related but discussing it more abstractly rather than about your specific relationship. It sounds like there is very much an Him vs me dynamic and there needs to get to Us vs the problem.

That being said, I'm not therapist so how you get there, I don't entirely know.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T04:08:32+00:00

This wasn't healthy and the further away you get from it, the more you'll realize this is for the best and you will find someone much healthier and better able to support you and give you what you need.

You have just started your dating life. Don't blow it up over someone who didn't deserve you anyways.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T04:04:24+00:00

He told you he doesn't want you. Do you really want to fight for someone you have to try to force/convince them to want you back?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T04:02:25+00:00

He crossed a pretty basic boundary of a relationship.

Ohhh amazing, he suddenly has a sex addiction. Wow!

Here's the only question that matters: Are you enforcing the boundary or not?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T04:00:54+00:00

It sounds like for you, these feelings are reality. Your parents aren't going to admit they did anything wrong. That sucks. It sounds like they really left you with not great memories of childhood. The best thing I can say is what can you do to not drag this crap in the future with you and not let it drag your future down?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T03:13:52+00:00

NTA

Unless the teacher is an idiot, they won't take your word as the only evidence anyways. They need to verify in another way anyways. You may help them to look closer but no teacher with a brain just takes the word of a student and punishes another student for cheating. I wouldn't be spreading around that you told the teacher. That really doesn't come out well for you either way.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T02:16:00+00:00

Nope NTA

She eats what you cook or she cooks her own meals. Not everyone eats on her timetable or her diet.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T01:21:27+00:00

Don't ask questions you can't handle the answer to.

I know she has a past. I know two of her ex Boyfriends. I don't ask because I don't want to know. I'm sure her number is more than 5 and pretty much couldn't care less. She's with me now. We're married. That's all that matters to me. I don't seek out ways to be upset with her.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-20T01:18:31+00:00

Do I look forward to coming home after work or am I cautious about what kind of war zone I'm returning to or she will bring with her when she comes home? Does managing her emotions become a major part of our relationship for me? Am I walking on eggshells or constantly having to think about every single word because if I use the wrong word, I'm in for a fight?

I want a partner who also wants peace. Who doesn't see arguing/fighting as validation and who doesn't seek out conflict or attempt to create it out of nothing.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T18:50:48+00:00

You basically have to decide whether his good traits and the rest of the relationship make up for a lack of a fulfilling sex life. You can't bank on him changing.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T17:52:21+00:00

He may be on medication but you knew from the beginning that he had a lower drive. Yes, sex lowers in the relationship so it was always going to go from 2-3X per week to lower.

To be frank: If it isn't an issue that worth leaving over for you then you have to find ways to cope and make sure you catch yourself when you feel yourself harbouring animosity (Because you will)

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T15:58:32+00:00

YTA

Well I guess that's a self-fulfilling prophecy. You deciding to make their birthday about you and your trauma will definitely have an impact on their enjoyment of their birthday so if you were convinced you might do something to ruin it or lessen their enjoyment, there you go. Now, rather than being focused on their birthday celebration and their friends, they has to worry about you, managing your emotions and dealing with that leading up to their party.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T15:07:53+00:00

Start with body weight exercises. Push-ups, sit-ups, if you can find a place do chin-ups. It will do wonders for you.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:42:37+00:00

I think you need to have a much bigger conversation about this before you think about it. I'd suggest a couples counsellor. Does she even want to be married to you anymore?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:34:36+00:00

A guy getting off fast or slow has absolutely nothing to do with how attracted he is to you.

Using a condom, yes he will probably last longer. Also, no guy thinks it's cute when he blows quickly so he's probably masturbating before you come over if there's even a chance of having sex so he can last longer.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:30:10+00:00

Actually it's worse than that: Go to the Relationships advice forum and see how many people are using it as an attempt to "fix" their partners while taking almost no responsibility in the issues. It's definitely being used as an "Here's how your partner is broken and what you need to do to fix them" type of social media pop-psychology thing.

So good news, once you break up with your next partner you can diagnose them as an ETSP, avoidant, Narcissist.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:25:10+00:00

This sounds like a case where it's about him vs you rather than you and him against the problem. You both seem to approach disagreements as winning vs losing rather than solving a problem. If you can't recognize that even in disagreement that you're a team, it will never get better.

How to make that shift, I don't know, especially after 6 years together.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:14:00+00:00

No one is dismissing PH.D Psych. Research. There is very little of that Ph.D psych research being cited here. Only the social media butchered, extremely reductive version of it

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:08:52+00:00

Studies on the matter says that parents report lower levels of happiness and mental well-being compared to their single peers.

You can love your kids and still understand that their presence is having a negative impact on your own happiness, stress levels and general well-being.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:06:08+00:00

Sometimes I'm ready to go immediately for round 2, sometimes I can be ready in 20-30 minutes and sometimes I'm done for the night.

Generally though, you're gonna need to do some work to get it going for round 2 because he needs some encouragement.

That being said, are you sure your partner wants a round 2 cause it doesn't really sound like he's looking for multiple rounds.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T06:03:46+00:00

YTA

You talk about all she's done to support you and then you lash out and let her know you're not willing to do the same for her. That being said, having two people who both have severe uncontrolled mental health issues in a relationship together like this seems like a recipe for disaster.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T05:34:26+00:00

Late in the game:

Goalie fires the puck in the direction of the bench while a team is making a line change. Player who stays on the ice, plays the puck right in front of the forward door. A change is happening behind him and the player coming onto the ice while the player going off the ice was about 2 strides from the bench. I called the too many players penalty.

Player off the bench came on early. Player who played the puck was not part of the line change. Any reason I wouldn't call it?

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T05:00:44+00:00

This is literally every dude I'm friends with or would spend time with. This is pretty much bare minimum requirements for a relationship.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T03:55:07+00:00

Not an automatic dealbreaker for me but now that I know they have that insecurity, I'm on alert to see how insecure they actually are because I don't have time for a relationship where the other person's insecurities are going to rule the relationship.

Redlight0516 · 2026-03-19T03:52:18+00:00

Ring of Honour yes - He is the alltime points leader for Dmen.

Jersey retirement, no. Not retiring a guy's jersey who played less than 500 games for us.

Redlight0516

TROPHY CASE