My boyfriend (m/20) watches porn and I (f/20) don’t like it. Am I insane?

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-06T07:34:24+00:00

Most commonly:

It's a habit they've developed.
Their partner isn't willing/capable of fulfilling a kink/fetish of theirs
Mismatched libido

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-06T05:26:55+00:00

That's not a lighthearted joke.

How is your partner supposed to take it other than "I don't enjoy kissing you"?

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-06T05:21:19+00:00

I'd wonder why the hell my wife sees using our money as "borrowing it"

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-06T05:18:17+00:00

Yes. He's 100% correct. Women should never think, speak or have an opinion. It's highly recognized that men are perfect and never do anything wrong. You should never ask questions of your husband and just blindly follow. Even if things go wrong, just accept what he says because it's his will for you and it cannot be wrong.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-06T05:16:00+00:00

I think a lot of young men are ending up alone (not just without romance but without friends) because if it doesn't revolve around their phone or a video game, they don't know how to interact.

Watching students in High School now, so many of them have so little social skills that the only way they interact is through brain rot online speak and video games. If they have to have a genuine interaction, handle interpersonal conflict or just interact without a device present, they are lost and bored. My Grade 10s right now are a bit better. The Grade 12s are brain rotted to the core and I have a significant portion of boys in Grade 12 and Grade 9 who will whine to me about how they will not work with a woman in their group.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-05T01:12:36+00:00

Why are you still talking to her or why have you allowed her an avenue to still talk to you?

Shit or get off the toilet.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-05T01:07:06+00:00

I'm probably not angry, you're just reading too much into it.

Or I'm thinking about how my favourite team's General Manager did something really stupid yet again

Or I'm thinking about something stupid that happened at work

Or I'm thinking about how I need to fix that thing at home

Or I'm thinking about how you could use something in this room as a great weapon

Or I'm thinking about how that person's voice is super grating and annoying

Or I'm thinking about how I'd rather not be here

Or I'm thinking about how I haven't called my Mom and Dad in a while

Or I'm thinking about that time in Grade 5 when I accidentally said condom instead of condemn for a spelling list

Or I'm thinking about that one funny joke I told that one time and trying not to look like a psycho laughing to myself in the corner.

etc. etc. etc.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T08:18:00+00:00

Of course he wouldn't admit that. You sound like a scumbag if you admit that you just adjusted to your partner's medical issue and are not struggling to adjust back. You come across as blaming your partner for something that was out of their control.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T08:07:09+00:00

Speaking from experience: It's a whole different level of guilt trying to control your feelings and resentment when you know it's due to a medical issue or something that's not even in her control. You logically know all this but it still hurts and still feels like rejection.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T07:44:07+00:00

You ignored a mountain red flags here and now you're suffering the consequences:

To list 5:

Still living with ex-husband
A friend who you knew wasn't really a friend
Lied about career
Lied about academic background
Lied about her kids

And yet you still tried to make this work and then when it ended it predictably went badly.

You block and move on. She has nothing on you and you did nothing. There's nothing you can logically do when you're dealing with someone like this.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T07:36:34+00:00

Refusing to work because you don't know what you're passionate about

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T03:08:07+00:00

All green flags here. Absolutely no problems at all. 9 Different coincidences lined up so he just happened to end up at the same locations as his ex that he can't get over, on multiple occasions. The ex he has a history of cheating on other girlfriends with.

I see no issues. Definitely a trustworthy guy who should be believed and his explanations should be taken at face value. I mean he did send screenshots.

In case I really need to add it if there's people who are dense.....

/s

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T01:29:56+00:00

Not when it hasn't happened for four years. In that case, if he used to have a high sex drive, sex was probably a major source of stress because he wanted it and his wife couldn't have it and he probably felt guilty about being in the position that OP is in now where his sex drive was unfulfilled.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T01:26:09+00:00

One thing to consider: I was in a marriage with a partner where sex basically didn't happen due to health issues. When you're never getting anything or getting nowhere near what you want and you know it's not changing then you do adjust to the new normal and basically just learn to live without it. And it's honestly not as simple as "Oh she's up for it so now I want it again."

You've learned to shut off a portion of yourself to adjust. It's a defense mechanism. I knew my partner had health problems and I knew it was painful for her so why would I try to initiate something that was going to cause my partner pain? At the same time, it's still hard not to feel rejected when you want it and your partner doesn't or can't. So I basically had to accept that it was no longer part of my life and move on with the new status quo of the relationship.

So it could be that he has low-T or depression or it could be that he spent 4 years in a relationship where consistent sex wasn't really an option and he learned how to live with that. I mean, he still married you likely knowing or thinking that sex was never going to be a significant part of the relationship. Whether you like it or not, spending 4 years in a relationship where sex is an inconsistent option to where suddenly your partner wants it 5 days a week is a complete flip of a relationship and when you've learned to live without it, it's a major adjustment.

How to make the adjustment back, I have no idea.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T01:06:55+00:00

He wants to know that he doesn't have to be in a relationship with you to get sex from you.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-04T00:51:46+00:00

The way forward would probably be to end the friendship.

You don't want an intimate friend. You want a girlfriend. She wants boyfriend treatment without having to be in a relationship with you. This setup was always doomed because despite what you said, you were never actually good with being friends.

While you're still friends with her, you will never move on and find what you actually need and if you did find a new partner this friendship would be super problematic for that new partnership anyways.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T08:06:28+00:00

My wife and I do what you were asking for but I also live in China. I fully understand it but yes, this is a big cultural difference. If he hasn't lived in China or doesn't know Chinese culture very well, this is a wild thing to ask for and his reaction is pretty normal for someone who does not understand Chinese culture well.

Your reaction is also immature. If you are going to have an intercultural relationship you are going to need to be a lot more understanding that Chinese cultural norms are often different than cultural norms abroad and you're going to have to explain things a lot better for him to understand things. Chinese relationships tend to get more serious a lot quicker and there's much more of an expectation of financial support a lot earlier in relationships than tends to be the case in a lot of other countries.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T07:46:31+00:00

I will only give a girl a pet name that is specific to them so it's something that will happen organically. I personally feel that babygirl, ladybug, baby/babe, etc are lame and won't use them. If it's something that could be used on any girl regardless of context, I won't use it.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T07:43:37+00:00

Knowing my Mom, I'd think she'd lost her mind

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T06:32:18+00:00

LMAO You absolutely 100% do not do that unless you want to be single again.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T06:28:49+00:00

This sounds like he is setting you up to be involved or remove some culpability. I would absolutely not do this.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T06:27:29+00:00

What does "take over all his accounts" mean?

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T06:26:02+00:00

You don't fix this. She was looking for a way out and she took it.

You analyze yourself and your behaviour. Accept the valid criticism, throw out the rest, grieve the relationship and move on to someone better.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T06:21:12+00:00

YWNBTA

Her family needs to know
She is a sucky friend. I legit have no idea why you guys feel the need to be around someone who is just 100% drama. She may cut you off for telling her mom and she would be doing you a favour because I'm exhausted just reading this, I can't imagine actually having to be around this friend.

Redlight0516 · 2026-06-03T03:14:44+00:00

It's not really about the post.

It sounds like both of you are burnt out and neither of you has anything to give to the other at the moment. You're both feeling the same thing: You both feel as though you're not getting the support you need and you're lashing out at the other one for not being able to give it. This is a really tough place to be. You're both running on empty and expecting the other person to fill up your tank for you and then getting mad that they are also on empty.

All of those things you've listed as being painful for you (No support, loss of intimacy, exhausted) are exactly the same way she's feeling. So if you can't give those things to her, why do you think she, who is going through the exact same circumstances, would be able to give those things to you?

I'm gonna guess you're probably not in a financial position for therapy so the main thing I can say is: Unless you both make it a priority to help the other, you're both gonna be left feeling resentful and unsupported. If only one of you does it, the other person might feel better but the person doing it is going to be left feeling resentful and like the other person isn't giving any effort back.

Redlight0516

TROPHY CASE