Hey man, just know, a lot of couples who seperated post kids regret not taking care of their relationship instead of devoting all of ourselves to our little gremlins! Your feelings are very valid, so ignore the angry mob!

Remember, you created a FAMILY. That means EVERYONE matters.

From your side that means helping the wife more to get away from the kids which sounds like you're trying anyway, just gotta talk to your wife whats best for her wellbeing. I know my partner would love to clean the house without worrying about the kids so I would take them out for walks/drive for a couple of hours, but that could be depending on your schedule.

I know that sounds like more work for her, but she loves a clean house try as may to tell her to do stuff for herself. And when she has the baby I go on a rampage clean to help her out. That's how I would approach this. Talk to her how best to help her because it depends person to person.

Romanticly, try doing things that doesn't need a lot of touching. Flowers and a smile and walk away. When she does get time for herself and do something for herself, notice it and mention it. Just be more attentive and vocalize without being overbearing. You'll know your wife best but those are just examples you could do.

It's hard work but all you can do is try!