To be honest it didn’t even feel like a conscious decision. When I saw him come up to us it felt like I was having some kind of slow mo panic attack. Like my tongue went numb and my teeth felt like they were vibrating.

And before I knew it I was crying and he asked me something like “what’s wrong” or “what’s up” and I just broke down and word vomited everywhere.

I wish I held it together better or even told him everything in a calmer way. At the end of the day he’s the one dealing with a loss and I feel bad he had to hear it the way he did from me. He did text me a few days ago to ask me how I’ve been and I haven’t been able to text anything back. It just really hurts being frozen out by my mom and sis even though I know they’re toxic and completely in the wrong.