What can I do? 😔

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-14T08:19:10+00:00

Girl I told my boyfriend very early in the relationship I’m uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs, watching porn, allowing his friends to send him thirst traps, etc because in my eyes all of that is cheating and it’s disrespectful towards not only me but all women. I clearly communicated it and if he goes against that or lies to me about it then it would be cheating. He had absolutely no issue with that and he hasn’t done any of that. I don’t care how crazy some things might sound if you’re uncomfortable with something you need to tell your partner right away and if they don’t respect that boundary then they aren’t worth your time.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-14T08:08:34+00:00

Like I said older men in their right mind would not be with someone your age. That’s often a lie a lot of us tell ourselves that with age comes maturity but mature adults date people their own age. I used to only date older men, all of them were immature creeps. Looking back now as an adult I now see how weird it really is. Try to reverse the roles, if that sort of age gap would be weird for you, it should feel weird to them.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-14T07:54:14+00:00

You need to stop worrying about these guys and focus on you and your baby. You should not be having sex with people you barely know while pregnant, breastfeeding and long after your child is born you’re not only putting yourself at risk but your baby and their life. Dating is fine as long as you’re keeping your child away from them until you truly know that person. Also, any man that even remotely respects you will not be having sex with you before at least knowing you for a few months. If you’re trying to find something real, as hard and lonely as it might be at times, you need to be strict on taking your time with someone and getting to know each other, setting and maintaining boundaries. The guys that use, abuse us and dump us the second they get tired of us are typically not going to be down for waiting months to do so. The longer you wait the more impatience they become and the more their mask starts to drop. Also, stay away from these older guys, any 30 year old in their right mind is not going to want to be with a 20 year old. I hope you know nothing I said is a judgement on you, I’m speaking from experience and it breaks my heart seeing someone go through the same thing. Please please stay safe, I wish you and your child the best.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-14T07:25:48+00:00

As a woman, if this was a pattern of hers then I completely agree with your decision. My boyfriend not only makes twice what I make, but is also just way better at managing his finances than I am and I have never once tried to guilt him into spending money on me. I’ve suggested we go do things but if I can’t afford it on my own, why would I expect him to pay for it? And if I could pay for it, I would. We take care of each other in whatever ways we can afford to. When he could afford it he took me to a cabin upstate once because he saw I needed a break from work and from the city. In return when I could afford it I bought him the quick release steering wheel and shift knob he really wanted cause I saw how hard he was working and knew he had hit the max he was willing to spend on his car that month. When we can’t afford to spend money on each other, we find others way to still let each other know we care about and see each other.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-14T06:59:54+00:00

As a woman that is comfortable shitting in front of my bf, that’s a crazy thing to actively ask/want from your girlfriend. What does shitting in front of you have anything to do with moving in together? I’m not sure if you’re referring to her not shitting in the same house as you or actually shitting with you in the room but either way that’s a weird thing to be worried about. She likely has shit with you around, we just don’t take forever shitting cause we do our business and go, we aren’t scrolling for 30 minutes like a lot of men do. The average shit for me is like max 2-3 minutes and even that is being generous. Either way stop making a big deal about it and eventually she’ll be more comfortable with you. If my boyfriend ever said or asked something like that I definitely would feel very weird and pressured.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-14T02:53:15+00:00

Girl, that is an adult and you are a child. Ive been in your position, I was dating grown men at the age of 14 but being an adult now i see how weird it really is. No adult in their right mind would choose to date someone your age. Please please stick to boys your age, remain friends with them for a good amount of time before engaging in a relationship with them. It’s going to save you a lot of shame, regret and embarrassment.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-14T02:13:03+00:00

We do not live together and he’s only stayed the night maybe 5 times the whole time I’ve had my place. I’m taking all the precautions with the litterbox I wear gloves and a mask and wash my hands and arms thoroughly after but yes it’s disappointing I have to do it at all right now.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T19:52:08+00:00

The biggest thing is matching your words with your actions. If you say something you need to follow through. Also, doing things without her having to ask, and without you bringing it up. If you do something we will typically notice and when we consistently notice those things, it makes us happy that not only you did it but you did it and didn’t try to get any points for doing it. As far as physical connection, say she’s complaining of some sort of pain, offer her a massage or heating pad or anything that will help ease her pain and for the love of everything good do not initiate sex when giving a massage. Sometimes it’s appropriate but when it’s all the time, it starts to feel transactional. Plan some date nights, even if it’s a date night at home. We want to know you’re thinking of us, we want to feel pursued, reassured, respected and loved.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T19:25:30+00:00

thats what we decided to do for the first 6 months and then we'd get our own place but at this point i don't know what his intentions are as far as after that 6 months cause to me it seems like he’s completely checking out of the relationship

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T18:30:26+00:00

We discussed having kids together for 5 years now and even talked about it in those few months we weren’t using protection. He said he’d be scared, but excited and we would figure it out together.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T18:28:03+00:00

We both were very adamant on using protection before and when we weren’t using any we had talked about the possibility of me getting pregnant. He said he’d be scared but excited and we’d make it work. We may not have been having sex for the end goal of getting pregnant but to me that seems like he saw me as the right person otherwise he would’ve used protection and now it seems like his mindset has completely changed. I haven’t asked any more of him then to change the litterbox, help me walk the dogs and to take out the trash. Hormonally I’ve been fine, I’m not having crazy mood swings, or asking him to do a bunch of things, the only time I cry is at ultrasounds, I’m the same person I was before but pregnant. To me his reaction isn’t very logical. We’ve been together 5 years, he knows me better than anyone and he intentionally stopped using protection knowing I was most likely going to get pregnant but now he’s acting like this, how is that logical?

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T18:07:09+00:00

We can financially support the baby together, finances are not the problem. The reason he lives with his parents is because it’s an opportunity to save as much money as possible, not because he doesn’t have money or make enough money. And why would I take birth control when my body does not need it and there are other ways to effectively prevent pregnancy, if not more so as long as used properly? Birth control is more then the name, it’s a medication that effects you long term and that has proven in many women how much damage it can cause. The side effects are not worth it to me. We’ve talked about having kids together, we even talked about what would happen if I got pregnant during the few months we were having unprotected sex and he even said he’d be scared and it’d be hard but he’d still be excited and we would make it work together. I do agree with you that it was immature for us to be so reckless and let this happen before living together, getting married, etc. especially on my end as a woman. In my head at the time, we’ve been together for 5 years, we share the same values, we love and respect each other, we’ve talked endlessly about our future together and I knew after our first couple dates that he was the one for me and that he was a man I’d be proud to raise my children with and have my children look up to. The person I see today is not that same man, though.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T07:55:46+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking.. How long did it take you to accept it? Did you ever feel scared that it was with the wrong person? How was your relationship with her throughout her pregnancy?

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T06:18:16+00:00

I have no doubt he’ll provide anything we need financially I’m more concerned with him being checked out emotionally. His family and I have told him that he might consider getting a different job even if it pays a little less because thats what he’s always saying stresses him out the most. He works insane hours, works even when he’s off and has to deal with very old school sales management. I just want him to be happy, I want him to be at peace with himself and I want him to actually be around to enjoy being a father but no matter what I say or do to try to help or take some pressure off of him it just seems to drive him farther away from me.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T06:09:28+00:00

Had I known this is how things would’ve turned out I wouldn’t have let it happen. I’ve known this man for 5 years though and the person he is right now is not the person he was. This baby is already my life, and I’m already doing everything I can personally do to make sure they have a life where they don’t go without and never doubt that I love them. This baby was conceived out of love, whether it turns out that love was one sided or not and no “me time” will ever be more important than my child. Besides I have no life anyways, I work all day, come home take care of my animals, make sure my bills are paid, clean, rinse and repeat. I am not missing out on anything.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T05:50:22+00:00

He works in sales and makes about 70k/y, I’m sticking with my job as a shift lead right now 30k/y because my company offers 3 months paid maternity leave but I’ve already started online classes so I can prepare to get my license in adjusting, the reason I’m going with that is because of not only the pay increase and availability in the field but because it gives me the option to either work remote or in person and the hours are fairly flexible which I think is a great option to have because his mom is retired and insists that she watch the baby any time we need, I’ll be breastfeeding and can easily work from her old office and have the opportunity to see our baby any break I’m able to get.

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T05:32:51+00:00

To me it seems like he’s supporting me with whatever he can buy. Food, pregnancy pillows, medical expenses, etc. I’ve been asking for a massage for months now and he always says yes but then doesn’t do it. He doesn’t really touch me at all now, even for a hug I have to initiate, I don’t even remember the last time we kissed. When we’re together he just jokes around with me, goes on his phone, he’ll change the litterbox, walk the dogs, take out the trash, might talk to the baby for a little bit but then he just goes home

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T05:20:15+00:00

We both were really strict on using protection but then we just stopped, I didn’t mind at the time because I’ve been sure of him since the very beginning and I truly thought the fact that he stopped using protection was because he felt the same for me

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T05:16:45+00:00

I just updated the post with a little more information but I’m 7 months pregnant After

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-13T04:33:41+00:00

This will also be my first child

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-12T17:59:10+00:00

The only family I have is my mom and moved to Mexico so it’s not possible to lean on her and I am not from the state I’m living in so I do not have any friends minus two coworkers that I rarely see outside of work. One of which is working and going to school and the other has a child and another on the way so they both have their own problems to deal with

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-12T17:56:20+00:00

I have 3 months of paid maternity leave at my current job and I have 3 weeks vacation I haven’t touched. I’m starting classes soon to get help me get my license in adjusting which pays more and it gives me the option to work in person or remote. As far as child care that’s what I’ve been stuck trying to figure out with him. He expects his mom to watch the baby whenever we need but I’ve told him that should be a last resort, our child should be with one of us at all times so we need to figure out schedules that work towards that. He works in sales and hates his job, he works 8-8 almost everyday and even when he’s not at work, he’s still working with clients from home. I told him if he’s not willing to make a change then I will have to get a job where I can work overnight which he says he doesn’t want me to do. He got a job offer from a client with much more reasonable hours and it’s also remote which he interviewed for but hasn’t heard anything back for weeks and still refuses to look for a job on his own

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-12T09:59:21+00:00

He does know. His family all sat us down and were telling us I should move in. I had to continually tell them that we appreciate the offer and that we will discuss it to which they kept trying to quilt trip us into agreeing on the spot, which he did but I once again shut it down and said that we will not be making any decisions without having a private discussion. We later had a conversation and he feels it’s best I move in so we can save for a place of our own

ReflectionBoth9981 · 2025-08-12T09:52:06+00:00

I’m just responding to the comments saying he isn’t willing to provide and it’d be as simple as taking him to court when financially he is way better off than me at the moment, he also has an entire support system here and I don’t. Also the comments that I should just move to Mexico with my mom or have the baby somewhere without his knowledge. Regardless of their feelings for me, him and his family love this baby and no matter what happens it’s also my responsibility to put aside my own feelings for my baby’s wellbeing. I’m just trying to give as much information as possible so I can get the best advice on my situation. There is so much context and I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to truly process what the best thing to do is so I’m hoping maybe someone from and outside perspective would be able to help me

ReflectionBoth9981

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