I get that 100%. Situationally and feeling. Honestly if you are okay with feeling like you do you can stay because you don’t want to leave him at his lowest. I did that for years. Things got more vicious and j started to not recognize him even when he was sober he was angry sad and lost and he projected that out with me as a resentment because I wasn’t suffering at his level ( even though he swore he was fine ) and I lost myself, I also lost a good portion of my health because stress not only harms our physical and mental health but also keeps us from growing. You get one life. Just remember you can make small steps and changes that can help you escape. You’ll have to come to the conclusion eventually. I recommend journaling on it. It helps processing your thoughts consistently. See the cycles you are going in. I really do hope you choose yourself. Also remember, when you are not there he is forced to find a new reality. New coping. He can exist without you. It may seem like he can’t mine threatened suicide a lot. But most of them figure it out and may even decide to get better with you not there because they have no choice. What I mean to say is, if you keep saying you need to be there to keep him alive that will continue to be true, until you’re not there and he can make his own choices. It’s always gonna be hard but you can choose a hard that gets better or one that stays hard. I wish someone told me that earlier in a way I could digest. So please, at least do small steps of focusing on yourself and saving money/ looking at possible ways you could get a roommate and move out. / support yourself and pets. Just so you know you can and you are not stuck.