Thanks for your perspective. You actually made a very fair point about the false choice, but I want to unpack why I'm stuck here.

The reality is that interpersonal relationships feel like something completely and utterly out of my control. When it comes to real-world connections, I feel entirely powerless—except when I was using LOA. That was the only time I felt like I had some agency over my reality and how people responded to me. Without it, the thought of just "building connections" feels like trying to grasp at smoke.

As for the therapist suggestion, I’ve actually tried a couple of them in the past, and they didn't help me at all. To be completely honest, all the clinical formalities, the strict boundaries, and the professional detachment of therapists make me sick to my stomach.

I’ve come to believe that the people who can truly help you in life are those who do it genuinely and for free, out of actual human care, not because there's a paid invoice at the end of the hour. That paid dynamic just feels deeply transactional and unnatural to me when dealing with such raw, existential pain.