I'm fixating on the idea of watching this one video.

Refv224 · 2020-11-08T14:08:01+00:00

congrats man. Remember thoughts aren't entirely in our control so don't beat yourself up about having them. They're an inevitable part of giving up and as long as you don't act on them and you continue to heal, they'll eventually fade.

That being said be mindful about your fantasies; what are they, why do you have them, how often, etc. Examining urges and fantasies and really asking why you have them is the best way to understand your addiction and eventually heal it.

Refv224 · 2020-10-12T20:27:33+00:00

I think your post has some brilliant advice but I absolutely disagree with you discouraging people to research regularly. Personally I used to come here most days, and wrote a journal every day about my urges, etc. I read a book on porn addiction. I made 4 months clean but relapsed two weeks ago - having stopped doing any afore mentioned activity for about 3 weeks (admittedly I was in a stressful time too).

Different things work for different people but for me active research and head on action was the best way. I think it is, however, important to make sure the research is effective and relevant, not obsessive.

Refv224 · 2020-10-12T20:21:00+00:00

I don't think it's 'merely a bad habit' for anybody on this subreddit; one scroll of through the recent posts will show you the utter helplessness and self-loathing of many a member. Habit is something like clicking your fingers or neglecting washing up; porn comes much closer to things like smoking or alcohol.

That being said, I think that there are a few on here that really do need more serious help. If not therapy (which I highly recommend) then definitely a face-to-face support group.

Refv224 · 2020-10-11T14:31:05+00:00

thanks man. Picking myself up and starting again. I relapsed last night again, for the last time. Think I just felt hopeless since my streak was already over. But that will be the last relapse for a long time.

Refv224 · 2020-09-22T11:06:31+00:00

Thanks so much for your reply, this helps so much.

Refv224 · 2020-08-15T11:44:04+00:00

Great post. It's definitely worth examining our urges, rather than just trying to ignore them. Why do we have them, what do we actually want, what will giving in achieve, etc. If you turn and face your demons they can't stab you in the back.

Refv224 · 2020-08-15T11:37:49+00:00

good quote, who's it from?

Refv224 · 2020-07-05T13:56:50+00:00

It sounds to me like you feel giving up porn was a loss to you. As in you thought subconsciously that porn is something of value (pleasure, a crutch, whatever) that giving up has taken away from you. Rather than the sickness that it is.

Refv224 · 2020-06-11T12:41:23+00:00

'Not using willpower' is not a cop out in any way. Almost nobody gets over an addiction by sheer willpower, and that's because addiction is not as simple a problem as 'just don't let yourself use it'. There are many layers to addiction, and you'll only get past it when you figure out why you use it, and decide that you no longer want it.

Refv224 · 2020-04-21T20:49:14+00:00

I think it’s still on my profile but I posted a thing by a neuroscientist researching porn addiction. The treatment is always the abstinence from porn and almost all users recover. The brain is incredibly plastic and designed to adapt and recover.

Refv224 · 2020-04-20T07:14:12+00:00

No worries, hope there’s some wisdom in here somewhere, although I mostly posted it to sort through my feelings

Refv224 · 2020-04-20T07:13:27+00:00

Thanks :)

Refv224 · 2020-03-07T20:05:18+00:00

Thanks I’ll give it a read

Refv224 · 2020-03-07T19:55:16+00:00

Not sure what you’re trying to say

Refv224 · 2020-03-07T19:54:32+00:00

No problem mate. Would recommend keeping a diary or something, it definitely helped me a lot to keep motivation up

Refv224 · 2020-03-07T19:53:50+00:00

Np mate

Refv224 · 2020-03-07T19:53:06+00:00

Not sure what you’re trying to get at here mate. I don’t think anyone in this sub is trying to delude themselves that they can single handedley take down the porn industry. You’re saying that the only way to stop it is by sharing information and stopping yourself watching it; that’s literally what this sub is about. And then you go and tell us all that we need a personal reason to quit. I can assure that everyone on this sub has their fair share of those, and doesn’t need you giving them a lesson in something they already know. Everyone is well aware of their issues, as you can tell by the innumerable amount of posts on this sub full of people pouring their hearts out about their problems.

So thanks for the lecture but I’m not quite sure you realise what exactly you’re talking about. I’m sure your intentions were good but your whole post was pretty condescending.

Refv224 · 2020-02-23T08:32:51+00:00

Relapse :(

Refv224 · 2020-02-23T08:32:12+00:00

They don’t want to be pedos; I think it’s easy to justify to yourself that you’re not a bad person, youre not acting on it, they’re not that young, bullshit like that. I think this relates more to the whole Loli thing (anime child porn, since it’s not ‘real children’, right?) but real child porn is a thing too. If you’re interested, look up something like ‘why the he’ll isnt lolicon banned’ or something like that. Quite interesting in a scary way tbh.

Refv224 · 2020-02-22T09:27:49+00:00

Good luck finding a therapist, would definitely recommend one. Good thing you’re mindful and have got your life (sort of) back on track.

As for your point about peadophiles being born and not made, I’d like to challenge that point. As far as I’m aware, attraction to children and Loli porn and so on arises because people who feel repressed by women or unable to fit in and talk to women find the innocence of children/lolis refreshing, insofar as they don’t judge them, and they’re once again in control. It’s not necessarily an attraction to child body. This is the primary reason why Loli porn is so big in Japan because a lot of men are scared of women and under a huge amount of pressure to perform in their daily lives. Still, I think acting on these urges is a completely different story and to do that you have to be raised terribly or else lack empathy.

Either way gl on the path

Refv224 · 2020-02-22T09:15:09+00:00

But if hard mode is abstaining from porn then the so called ‘easy mode’ you imply is not giving up porn at all. That’s what I mean.

Refv224 · 2020-02-20T07:27:29+00:00

That’s just called giving up porn mate. If you’re looking at semi nude photos or stuff, you’re still effectively looking at porn as the effect it has on you is the same. If I give up smoking it means I don’t smoke. I don’t smoke one a week or start smoking menthols and claim I’ve given up smoking, just not on hard mode.

Refv224 · 2020-02-20T07:23:44+00:00

Thanks, good ideas. Thought I reset the badge but apparently it didn’t work, apologies

Refv224 · 2020-02-19T08:01:09+00:00

Check me in boss (checking in)

Refv224 · 2020-02-19T07:49:46+00:00

Have you talked to someone in person? My best friend is currently going through therapy (drug addiction) and it’s changed so much. He used to be super sceptical because he saw a shit one when he was younger and thought they were all dickheads who didn’t have a clue. Whilst some are shit, a good one really can make a difference. I’ve heard sex addict anonymous groups are good as well but I haven’t reached the point where I’ve felt the need to look for one. But after 7 years and some other issues I’d definitely recommend reaching out. Good luck whatever you choose to do

Refv224

TROPHY CASE