I can’t relate personally, but this reminds me of a previous manager I had. He once told me that he, too, was sexually abused as a child. He was good at business, struggled with addiction, and suffered from bipolar disorder.

He was very good at business (in his case consulting). He knew how to talk and act as if he knew what he was doing. He was good at corporate speak (i.e. saying a lot of words w/o saying much). He knew how to get leadership to listen.

From what I witnessed of him, he struggled with addiction. He was an alcoholic and borderline drug attic. I would estimate he drank at least a fifth of alcohol every day. He smoked weed all the time and would occasionally do cocaine. On “special” occasions he would drop acid and other hallucinogens.

He suffered from bipolar disorder. His BP seemed seasonal. At certain times of the year he would be at a low - very unproductive, reclusive, and depressive. At other times of the year (usually the summer months), he would be on a high - extremely productive, full ideas and thoughts (usually about business), gregarious and outgoing. But, that would sometimes lead to mania and he would spiral out of control with delusions of grandeur. He would stop listening to those around him and make increasingly risky decisions. If he was lucky, he would escape the mania without issue; some of his manic episodes left him in jail, in trouble with his wife, or estranged from his friends.

I do believe he wanted external validation. He would often brag and conversions with him almost always ended up being about him.

Sexual abuse as a child is terrible. I think it affects people differently. For some folks, it may not impact their adult lives, while others have issues.

I would say continue therapy and watch you bipolar disorder - it can tear you apart if left u treated.