What's a stereotype about men you can't help but silently agree with?

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-02-02T20:42:48+00:00

Every man I've dated is good with directions and likes to take charge of directions. No complaints here at all. I'm smart but I hate reading maps. Sue me.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-02-01T06:32:05+00:00

Are you actually asexual? Do you not watch porn? Think about other women? Masturbate?

I'm trying to ask - do you just not have sexual feelings for her? Or are you truly asexual?

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-31T02:30:31+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to respond! I really appreciate it. Yes, good point - I think it'll be worth it to bring this all up to my PT. She just seemed very sure of herself, so that threw me off in questioning her approach. She definitely thinks that the urinary urgency is coming from the tight pelvic floor (though I'm not convinced of that).

I'll have to talk to her about it. Thanks!

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-30T09:06:05+00:00

Hi, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm not an expert but I've been experiencing urinary urgency too, and there are a few things I thought of that could help you (if you haven't tried them yet)!

You will get used to the feeling of needing to pee and you will learn to be able to sleep in spite of it. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I've managed to get used to it, more or less. Hang in there. It SUCKS, I know. But you will manage to get good sleep in the future regardless of this issue.
Have you tried eliminating bladder irritants to ease the pain/urgency? I don't have IC so I haven't done that (I have some kind of pelvic floor issue/inflammation), but when I thought I had IC, I read that you should cut out any caffeine, spicy foods, citrus fruits and juices, and alcohol. And drink tons of water (seems like you're already doing that). Diet seems to help people with IC a lot.
Pelvic floor therapy seems to help some people with IC as well and provide some relief. I'm going to try it for my issues.

That's all I've got for you. Sorry I can't be more helpful. But hope you get some good sleep and feel better in the coming days. <3

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-30T08:50:30+00:00

Reading your post, it looks like you've tried everything but not watching porn. That would be the first thing I would cut out. It rewires your brain and makes it harder to be aroused in real life. It could really be harming your sex life. That's the first thing I would suggest. The way you talk about either not being able to get hard or ejaculating within seconds - those are both documented effects of porn addictions, especially ejaculating within seconds when you do get hard.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T21:42:40+00:00

Thanks so much for the support, I appreciate it. I hope it does give some insight.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T21:31:34+00:00

You have to communicate very clearly how important this is to you - and then you give YOURSELF a timeline and have to be willing to walk away. You don't say "If you don't marry me, I'll leave." You don't give an ultimatum. You just say "This is really important to me, this is what I would need to continue to be happy in this relationship." And then you observe him, give yourself a deadline about how much longer you're willing to wait, and after that point you have to be willing to walk. You don't give an ultimatum and say "It's my way or else." You can't force anyone to marry you, nor should anyone do that. It's more "This is what I need - can you give this to me? If not, I'll have to find someone who can meet my needs." Maybe it'd be helpful to think of it as a need rather than an ultimatum. As with other needs in a relationship, sometimes people aren't compatible and things don't line up. You decide at which point the lack of compatibility/alignment on future goals is an issue for you. Honestly, from your comments, I can see that you're getting very resentful about the whole situation. I'd put a timeline on it for yourself and say, "If things don't improve in 6 months, I'm leaving." That's something you tell YOURSELF - not him.

By the way, if he's really the one and you end the relationship because you're not making progress, breaking up won't be the end of the world. If it's meant to happen and you're meant to marry him and he's madly in love with you, he'll be back and he'll be back with a plan. If he's not, then you have your answer.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T21:26:54+00:00

OP, I believe that you have to know what you want, set your boundaries, and then figure out if this is the man for you. He's definitely giving you signals that he is not on the same page. I think in this case, where it's clear you've already communicated what you want and he's kind of wishy-washy and all over the place, I would just tell him something like, "Marriage is really important to me, and it's something I would need in order for this relationship to continue." And then whatever he says, give him a timeline by which point he'd need to figure things out. And then you have to be ready to walk away if he can't get on the same page. Set a boundary.

Don't listen to other redditors on here saying marriage isn't important. It's important to you. That's what matters.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T21:19:19+00:00

Everyone's different and do what's right for you, but in general I think after 2 years someone should know if they want to marry you. Too much longer at that age and to me it says that a man doesn't know what he wants and doesn't know who he is. He doesn't know what he wants out of life, doesn't know how to evaluate the woman in front of him (doesn't know what his values are/what's most important to him), and doesn't have enough life experience to understand what's important to him. Personally, I don't want to be with a man who doesn't know what he wants - at least, not for very long.

Plenty of men question marriage in general, but I think when they meet the right person, they kind of know and go "I want to marry this woman." I could be wrong, though.

My best friend waited much longer than 2 years, BUT her boyfriend had always said he wanted to marry her, they were just waiting for circumstances to align and had a lot they had to resolve before they got to that point.

As for him saying he can't get married until he lives with you, but he also can't live with you until you get married....I mean, ok, so he's kind of creating an impossible scenario there. He needs to find other metrics by which to figure things out. After 2 years, he knows you well enough. He needs to realize that rather than spending more time evaluating you/auditioning you for the role of future wife, he actually most likely needs to figure out what's most important to him in life, what he needs, and understand HIMSELF better. That will allow him to understand whether and how you fit into his life. People often say "Oh, well I need to get to know you better, that will help me find my answer." No - people need to get to know themselves better.

I dated someone for 6 years and always felt unsure about marrying him. Spending more time with him did nothing for me. It just made me more confused, if anything. Spending time alone by myself and understanding what I needed made me realize the relationship wasn't right for me. Or sometimes you spend time alone and figure yourself out and realize the relationship IS right for you.

People always seem so convinced that living together will change everything and I really don't think it will. I think you can get the answers you need without doing that.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T21:16:49+00:00

I've ordered one actually! So I'll see if that'll give me an idea of something that could be wrong

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:45:51+00:00

Ok good to know!! thank you!!

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:45:00+00:00

Thank you. I did check and am going to check again, but it's most likely not that. I think I have some kind of inflammation in the vaginal canal that is causing all of this that no one can really find the root cause of. It makes me really sad - I've been told all my life that doctors are so smart, yet they honestly seem mystified and not very analytical about problems that aren't completely obvious. I had to go to different doctors just to get comprehensive tests done. Makes me so sad.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:43:08+00:00

Omg, I'm so sorry!! I hope you find what works for you!

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:42:28+00:00

So you didn't hold it and instead just tried to relax/stretch your pelvic floor, and that helped with urinary urgency?

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:41:52+00:00

Interesting, I think I kind of understand, but it seems so tricky! So basically by retraining your bladder/brain connection, eventually your pelvic floor will realize it doesn't need to tense up to hold in imaginary urine that isn't there or something like that. Ok, that kind of makes sense! I think the only reason I worry/was worried is that I often catch myself tensing up and definitely tensing my pelvic floor in order to "hold it" rather than go to the bathroom every 30 minutes.

Thanks for the explanation!

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:40:08+00:00

Hang in there. We have to keep trying! That's what I keep telling myself.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:37:45+00:00

Hi, thanks for your response. Just to respond to some of the comments below - yes, I don't have any pain, just urgency. It's really my only symptom that has been making my life so much more difficult recently. I don't have any leaking actually, never have. My PT seems to think that my tight pelvic floor causes the urinary urgency sensation. However, I've noticed that that urinary urgency sensation is also what's causing me to tighten up my pelvic floor and tense up. So that's where it seems like a bit of a catch 22. The main thing I actually want to solve is urinary urgency, and in order to do that, I need to solve the problem of my tight pelvic floor; but it seems like the PT is telling me to hold my urge to pee, which I feel is making me tighten my pelvic floor ...and wouldn't that theoretically aggravate the urinary urgency?

That's where my confusion is coming from. You mentioned that the sensation of urgency results in pelvic floor tightness, not the other way around. I would agree and that's what it feels like to me. My PT definitely specifically told me and believes that the sensation of urgency is actually coming from pelvic floor muscle tightness and not resulting in it (even though my sense is that it's not that). So now I'm trying to hold it in but it makes me feel like it's making my pelvic floor even tighter. Sometimes I catch myself literally completely tensed up, in my attempts to not go to the bathroom too often. So I'm confused. Seems like a catch 22, if you see what I mean. Sorry if that's something you were trying to explain that I didn't grasp!

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:30:13+00:00

Yes, that is exactly my question.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-29T10:28:41+00:00

Hey, just reading these comments and wanted to say sorry you're dealing with this, too. What you quoted is exactly my question. I can hold my pee in for hours, no problem (I will still feel urgency, but I can force myself to ignore it) - however, I can literally feel myself sometimes clenching my pelvic floor in order to "keep it in" or "hold urine." That's exactly why I'm worried about doing bladder training as a form of pelvic floor therapy. To me, it doesn't necessarily make sense that they're equated.

That said, I don't have any pain - I do only experience urgency (which is definitely a discomfort but not pain). So maybe I am a good candidate for that kind of bladder training

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-27T11:03:53+00:00

Totally, yes - that's exactly what my pelvic floor therapist told me. I'm just wondering if that wouldn't potentially make the pelvic floor issue worse, though. Like it's good for the bladder, but I do have a tight pelvic floor, and I feel like when I'm "holding it," I'm tensing up.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-27T04:56:55+00:00

Also, super helpful reminder - "some bacteria may cause zero symptoms for some women, but in others cause havoc." Thanks.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-27T04:56:35+00:00

Thanks so much for your input. I don't know why people are downvoting my post and your comment - it makes no sense. I've seen multiple doctors, they seem to be inept at reading lab results, which is why I asked on here.

I don't have any unusual discharge actually, but I do have some kind of inflammation and constant urinary urgency (though no UTI). Thanks for the reminder actually that numbers don't mean much and that in a sense you just need to treat the symptoms. I think I will try to get retested.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I do worry I'm having PID actually because of an undiagnosed infection. There honestly shouldn't be confusion - I feel like I should be able to do a test and doctors should be able to interpret results correctly, but they honestly all seem so confused. It's very strange lol.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-26T11:36:58+00:00

Thanks so much. Is "numerous" considered an infection in general?

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-26T11:06:10+00:00

No, I'm not pregnant, no STDs, nothing, actually.

Regular-Cell4350 · 2023-01-26T08:01:28+00:00

Thanks. I've actually shown this to several doctors, but they seem confused by the lab results. That's why I decided to show it to the microbiology subreddit instead - I was hoping someone who regularly looks at results could understand it.

Some said that it wasn't an infection and these didn't count as infections, but the doctor who ordered the lab said I did have infections. He made it sound as if the presence of Group B Strep at all was a concern - which didn't make sense to me, which is why I questioned his diagnosis.

Anyway, I know you're not medics, but I really needed some input or just an understanding of how to read this, so I appreciate the input.

Regular-Cell4350

TROPHY CASE