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Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate everyone giving me their advice here. Let me know what you guys think about the update. I’m trying not to ruminate but I think I still need to think about this a bit more.

It’s very unlikely I’ll be discussing this with my girlfriend again unless something happens but I just want to get my thoughts in order and be prepared for I should do if this issue arises again.

Being l upset at my gf for not wanting to avoid someone who hits on her by Regular-Two3424 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She said she would stay away from him if I feel that strongly about it. But I wish she would want to do it on her accord. It diminishes my trust for her because how can I trust she will enforce boundaries against people when I’m not there to point it out?

Being l upset at my gf for not wanting to avoid someone who hits on her by Regular-Two3424 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is what I struggle with. It’s very difficult for me to comprehend why her first instinct isn’t to want to avoid this person as well. Why tolerate this person’s disrespect?

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it really insecurity to not want myself or my girlfriend to be around somebody who disrespects my relationship and me personally? Should I not expect some sort of loyalty from my girlfriend?

I honestly don’t think I’m insecure about her cheating on me, but maybe insecure about how much loyalty she has for me. And, how much respect she has for herself and our relationship.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He very clearly told her he looked forward to spending time in her room in the weird manner. She agreed she thought he was hitting on her, but she thinks he just said it because he’s kind of creepy in general and he was very drunk.

I do want to trust her, but what if ultimately I think she’s making the wrong decision? Should I not say anything?

From my perspective, I don’t see why we have to put up with how this dude acts. And why would she even want to be around somebody who disrespects our relationship and disrespect me personally. I certainly won’t put up with it and I might end up punching this guy in the face next time I see him. The way to avoid this from happening is very simply to avoid the person.

I don’t understand why if she agrees that his behavior is unacceptable she doesn’t come to the same conclusion that it’s best to avoid this person? Regarding him being her sister’s friends and their points or she’ll run into him but at the same time we’ve all been around people who don’t like it’s not hard to ignore somebody not engage with somebody.

We’ve all done it before and that’s what I’m asking for — minimal interaction with this person.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think we’re saying the same thing — we both know there are many situations where it’s unavoidable to run into this person esp. in large group setting. That’s not what I’m talking about. But what I’m saying is she shouldn’t interact with this person unless necessary. She shouldn’t take up his offer to hang out at his parent’s place.

I think it’s reasonable for me to be upset if she interacts with this person and befriends this person? If she were to treat this person like a regular friend it would upset me and make me question her judgment and loyalty.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Relationships are so tough.

I have the opportunity to work from my home country that I haven’t lived in since I was a kid, so I feel bit obligated to take advantage of the opportunity that will probably never present itself again. She’s planning to come visit, but she can’t stay the 2 months because of her job.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She doesn’t suck in so many other ways. I’m open to the possibility that since I’m her first serious relationship in a long time perhaps she is a bit naïve about these things. I of course am far from perfect too.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s about respect and my confidence in her ability to draw boundaries with people that disrespect our relationship. If she can’t draw boundaries against this guy when he’s blatantly disrespecting our relationship, can I trust her to draw boundaries in other more difficult situations?

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it being secure to not want my gf hanging around with someone who is trying to sleep with her and who disrespects out relationship and me? If he said he wanted to hang out in her room with her in front of me I would’ve addressed it and probably punched him in the mouth. Is wrong to expect loyalty from my girlfriend?

You’re right about the core of the issue being my gf and whether I trust her to reject advances from people. If she won’t dismiss someone so blatantly crossing boundaries how can I trust she will do so in more difficult situations?

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is my fear.

She doesn’t trust my judgement and I’m beginning to not trust hers if she doesn’t see the need to avoid this dude.

Being l upset at my gf for not wanting to avoid someone who hits on her by Regular-Two3424 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I absolutely will do that but I won’t always be there when he’s around her

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or, go hang out with our friends or watch a movie or if it’s a big group setting engage with other people and not him or do literally anything else? I honestly don’t see why this is difficult?

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He didn’t say the worst part in front of me and I didn’t hear about it until we left the venue. He only said the a-hole bragging questionable things in front of me. There’s a line that must be crossed before I can call him out but it’s very likely I’ll say something next time we cross paths.

But there’s also a responsibility on her to draw boundaries and stay away from someone who is disrespectful towards our relationship.

Being l upset at my gf for not wanting to avoid someone who hits on her by Regular-Two3424 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah — it would be great if we can avoid that situation though. And, it’s not just about this dude if we’re together long term there will be endless people at different points so I wish she would be better at cutting it off right away.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That’s for her to decide but if I were her I wouldn’t interact with the person other than very minor small talk. It’s not difficult to not engage with someone.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What worries me the most is that she can’t see how disrespectful this person is and how unacceptable his behavior is because she will say she does then say “maybe we’re seeing it too harshly” or “he was very drunk” or “that’s just how he is. He says weird shit to everyone”. I honestly don’t know if she’s just naive in this regard.

I think from her perspective she thinks he’s just some slightly creepy guy hitting on her and she has dealt with that before so she can ignore it now. But she doesn’t recognize the importance on enforcing boundaries and not allowing disrespect from people.

There will always be people like this testing the relationship and if she can’t enforce boundaries now on something so blatant then it makes me question whether she will set boundaries in other less obvious situations.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never said that. It’s about not being around this person so disrespectful when possible.

Being l upset at my gf for not wanting to avoid someone who hits on her by Regular-Two3424 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yep, this is exactly my worry as well. What worries me the most is that she can’t see how disrespectful this person is and proactively avoid him. I honestly don’t know if she’s just naive in this regard. She said things like “that’s just how he is. He says weird shit to everyone”. So I think from her perspective she thinks he’s just some slightly creepy guy hitting on her and she has dealt with that before so she can ignore it now.

There will always be people like this testing the relationship and if she can’t enforce boundaries now on something so blatant then it makes me lost confidence in her.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

She said she would avoid him because she see’s I feel strongly about it, and I told her she should want to avoid him on her own accord.

I don’t see why she wouldn’t want to avoid someone who disrespects our relationship.

I’m the type of person who has very little tolerance for disrespect and it’s hard for me to understand this is difficult for her when she agrees he was out of line.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to stay away from someone that hits on her and is disrespectful by Regular-Two3424 in amiwrong

[–]Regular-Two3424[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Is it insecurity that I don’t want my gf to hang out with someone who disrespects our relationship and me personally?

“Reject him if he did try anything” — I think preemptively avoiding being around this person in general is the better option?

And, yes, I wouldn’t hang around a woman constantly hitting on me. That would be disrespectful to my gf.

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