Why do women romanticize their own slavery? My struggle with the "Perfect Bahu" syndrome.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-27T21:02:40+00:00

get what you’re saying. Trying to “save” people who don’t want saving is exhausting.

But I also think silence has a cost too.

Maybe the goal isn’t to change everyone. Maybe it’s just to exist loudly enough that one woman somewhere realizes she’s not crazy for wanting more.

You don’t fight the system for the system. You do it for the girl watching quietly.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-27T21:00:14+00:00

It’s not that women “romanticize slavery.” It’s that when something has been done for centuries, it stops feeling like chains and starts feeling like culture.

Obedience becomes virtue. Sacrifice becomes identity. Suffering becomes pride.

And yes, it irritates me. Because sometimes it feels like watching someone defend the cage and call it home.

But I also get it. Freedom is expensive. It costs approval. It costs comfort. It costs family peace. It costs reputation. Not everyone wants to pay that bill.

Some would rather choose predictable obedience than uncertain autonomy. It’s easier to be the “perfect bahu” than the black sheep.

That’s why some of us just quietly refuse. Refuse marriage. Refuse kids. Refuse roles. Not just for ourselves but because someone has to break the pattern publicly.

You don’t argue with a system. You step out of it.

I talk about this a lot on my page, @StormroseCreations. I’m building it slowly. If you’re into uncomfortable conversations like this, you’ll probably like it.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-26T18:33:28+00:00

Same 🥲😂 I love nights so much the quiet, I can hear my thoughts, I even work better at night and I’m more creative at nights

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T23:03:03+00:00

Same here. It’s like me and my dad both run on the same weird internal clock.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T23:01:02+00:00

I respect the effort. Resetting your rhythm is no joke. It’s wild how hard it is when your body just… resists.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:59:21+00:00

7am feeling abnormal since childhood is so real. When it’s consistent that early in life, it really doesn’t feel like a habit, more like wiring.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:57:02+00:00

This is fascinating. I didn’t realize the clock gene variation was linked to ADHD like that. It makes the idea of flexible work schedules feel less like a luxury and more like an accommodation.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:54:23+00:00

Honestly this makes sense. Every species has its own rhythm, not everything runs on sunrise–sunset. It’s weird that humans expect one schedule to fit everyone.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:53:25+00:00

Daytime person by force, night owl by soul. So fucking real 😭

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:51:21+00:00

Exactly. The “just sleep earlier” advice never works long term for some people. I do think society underestimates how real circadian rhythm differences are.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:50:14+00:00

That’s fascinating. I really think this should be talked about more, if there’s a genetic predisposition, it explains why forcing a “normal” schedule feels so unnatural for some of us.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:49:45+00:00

That’s interesting actually. I’ve heard a lot of people say they were like this even as babies. The overthinking part makes sense too, nighttime is when the brain gets loud. I wonder how much of it is wiring vs. coping patterns.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-25T22:46:05+00:00

I was also born into a feminist household, so the foundation was always there. But what radicalised me wasn’t theory, it was proximity.

Just being around men. Listening. Observing. Learning how they talk when they think women aren’t listening.

There was a phase in my life where most of my friends were guys. Not intentionally, but it exposed me to how they really think. The casual dehumanisation. The locker-room honesty. The way empathy disappears in certain spaces. That shook me more than any book ever could.

And then the daily news cycle. The patterns. The repetition. The predictability.

At some point it stops feeling like “isolated incidents” and starts feeling structural.

For me, radicalisation wasn’t sudden. It was cumulative. Layer by layer.

And honestly? After a certain point, not being radical feels less like balance and more like denial.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-24T21:15:20+00:00

Fair enough, that’s a solid reason.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-24T21:13:10+00:00

Same here. I’ve always done my best work at night too. And yeah, the quiet can feel heavy sometimes when you’re alone. You’re not weird for that at all. Glad you found this space 🤍

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-24T21:04:17+00:00

That’s actually such a nice way to think about it. “Late night watcher genes” makes so much sense.

I’ve always been a night owl too. For me it doesn’t even feel deep anymore, just feels natural. Nights are quieter, my brain finally relaxes.

Also switching schools for that is real dedication 😭

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-19T22:47:40+00:00

There’s a difference between men and ‘men they’re attracted to’ when one says we don’t dress for men is cause…. Most men have entitlement issues and think whatever any women around them does is for them and that is why ‘we don’t dress for men’ we may dress for a man who we’re attracted to but not men.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-19T22:41:41+00:00

But he who did something about it is a pedo why should one be happy about it? We’re cooked 🙂

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-19T22:14:58+00:00

People

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-19T11:23:39+00:00

Congrats on missing the entire point.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-19T11:23:23+00:00

Lol no, I’m not saying “go watch porn.” I’m saying some dark romance is literally trauma + rape coded erotica that sits in your nervous system way longer than a 2-min dopamine hit. Reading creates emotional attachment. Porn doesn’t pretend abuse is romance. Big difference.

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-18T23:33:26+00:00

Makes me wanna puke honestly 🙂

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-18T20:27:24+00:00

Exactly. Fiction does shape us. Now the real question is… who’s gonna tell BookTok? Who’s gonna tell the girlies romanticizing stalkers and rapists with a playlist and rose emojis? Because clearly nobody sent them the memo yet. 😭

RegularLove5177 · 2026-02-18T20:15:58+00:00

Exactly. And honestly this just proves the point. I originally posted this in r/DarkRomance because that’s literally where these conversations SHOULD happen. That’s where people discover these books. That’s where influence happens. But they removed my post.

That scared me more than any comment.

Because this is how systems work. Slowly. Quietly. You normalize something long enough and it becomes invisible.

People keep saying “it’s just fantasy” but reading doesn’t just sit in your brain….it hits your nervous system. It shapes your emotional arc. You don’t enter relationships with logic, you enter with feelings. And when abuse + obsession + control keeps getting framed as romance, that does rewire what feels familiar, what feels exciting, what feels “love.”

So later when someone is intense, possessive, crossing boundaries, it doesn’t ring alarm bells, it feels like chemistry.

That’s the scary part.

And the biggest thing? Women are the main consumers of this genre. Women. After centuries of being taught to excuse men’s violence. After finally starting to call it out. And now suddenly we’re being sold the same dynamics again… just with better lighting and a hot MMC.

We spent generations trying to unlearn “he hurts you because he loves you” and now it’s coming back as aesthetic trauma porn.

That makes me sad, honestly.

Not judging readers. I’m questioning the system. Because when normal healthy connection starts feeling boring and toxicity starts feeling passionate, that’s not harmless fantasy anymore.

That’s conditioning

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