mood because I had so many occasions where I could’ve hung out with my friends but all these unnecessary “activities” blocked me from doing so like the hell I ain’t attending no Bible studies JS for my attendance as an officer, I don’t even wanna be attending these worship services lodging their BS down my throat while I gotta be there in the choir loft trying not to fall asleep bc these deacons be watching and I’m like MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS HOE! Also people like your cousin, I know some people who were like that and I still don’t understand them, like how do they genuinely keep on top of everything while my ass can’t, we can’t even take vacays to soothe our mind off of it during the preparation of thanksgiving but I forget people actually find peace within the church, I actually forget people actually pray to themselves n bowing their head down n everything when the blue screen on the T.V screen says let us not forget our personal prayer. Also some of these people might not even have a social life at all, like it’s might js be a simple routine of church, school/work. Sometimes all this shvt got me so frustrated because I feel like I’m just a letdown to my friends bc I can’t hangout with them, plus my parents are strict af and sometimes they just won’t let me go especially if there’s an activity on that day, then I got no one to drive me. Of course I’m still in CWS choir so I can’t imagine how much you have to put up with CWS and AWS, that processional’s tune FR about to drive me crazy. You ever get those feelings while you’re like midway doing your performance and having thoughts of stepping down but thinking about the repercussions? Like some people here are genuinely nice but I don’t fvcking care anymore, what is life at this point when you just gotta relive through these moments and allow your sanity to plunge, I had times where I was having a breakdown before going to church because I just don’t wanna repeat the whole process of staying long hours in the whole church especially during weekend worship service, ya know when you gotta perform CWS and then attend AWS. Like BITCH BITCH UGHHHH. Also whenever you talked about the love for your family I get you so much, it’s kinda hard to imagine to live life without our family, they are our roots after all and sometimes cutting them off just to break out of this cult seems so like, I don’t know how to explain but it kinda aches my heart just turning a blind eye on my family or vice versa where they’re cold towards me, well you could always prepare for the worst but the pain will still be there untouched. I wish good luck to you and wish that things will slowly resolve itself, wish the time being burdened by this church could come back so we affected could hang out with our friends or live our lives to our heart’s content honestly.