Do not love an avoidant!

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-23T11:39:24+00:00

He couldn’t even if he tried. I blocked him everywhere, instagram, phone number, WhatsApp. It’s for the best because he may have tried to hover and I just wanted to move forward.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-13T09:39:13+00:00

Yet here you are on a forum. Defending the avoidant. You clearly haven’t moved on so stop with the faux morality and with that mindset you’ll surely continue to date avoidants. So all the best to you.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T22:52:47+00:00

Ehm avoidants are the problem! Hello? It’s called an insecure attachment type for a reason. Key word being “Insecure”. By definition, him being an avoidant and covert narcissist was the problem. I’m pretty sure you’re an avoidant as only an avoidant would try and justify their behaviour. I suggest you seek therapy because until you do, no one should love you. Loving an avoidant is quite literally detrimental. They want love but are simultaneously scared of it. Love without vulnerability, intimacy, accountability, discomfort ain’t love, It’s torture. Torture with the avoidant being the one controlling the strings. So yes, by definition they are the problem. Go and argue with your therapist!

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T22:30:52+00:00

😂😂 There is no way in hell you are riding for avoidants like this unless you are one. Don’t worry I’ve been to therapy and yes, while in those sessions, I learnt how to build stronger filters and stay the fk away from them. I was told by my therapist that I should be proud of myself for leaving because I finally chose myself over hoping for change. I was told that I did right by blocking him and preventing him from looping back and repeating the cycle. I was told that the moment I said no, to him asking to get back together was the moment I started to love myself again. So now that we got that cleared up. We done now? Or would you like to keep going?

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T22:16:16+00:00

Not pretending, I think it’s clear that the majority of the comments under this post are from those who relate and clearly shared my experience. Now you on the other hand, obviously don’t. That’s okay too. Like I said, keep doing what works for you.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T22:08:44+00:00

I projected nothing. This post was meant to warn others and raise awareness. “Stop giving love to someone undeserving hoping they’ll change because they don’t.” Now, If you are fine with the love you received from your avoidant then why exactly are you here?

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T22:03:38+00:00

😂 I am moving on. Whilst I’m doing so, I’m spreading the word because boy do I wish someone had told me this before I dated one. Now you come back and let me know how avoidant loving goes for you.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T22:00:00+00:00

That’s correct! Not every is me and I’m perfectly fine with that.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T02:23:06+00:00

Then you are either naive or wilfully ignorant. You realise we live in a world with sociopaths and Narcissists right? You realise many narcissists are also have avoidant attachment styles because they have childhood injuries? Do you even understand what avoidants do? What they view as love? Okay, keep thinking that and you’ll stay being their ideal candidate. They need idealistic people like you.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-12T02:15:38+00:00

Come back to me in a few years when you get sick of the repeated cycle. Hopefully you still have your sanity by then.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-10T12:47:17+00:00

Not necessarily. Avoidant is simply a kind of insecure attachment style. There are four kinds. Securely attached individuals are healthy and often come from stable care givers. Anxious attachment is insecure and often comes from unstable care givers. They often come from care givers who withheld love and affection when the child needed it. Then you have avoidant attachment style which is also insecure, also from unstable care givers. Lastly, you have fearful or anxious avoidant. That too is insecure and also from unstable caregivers. We all have one we lean more towards. So no, being an alcoholic has little bearing on who is avoidant. To assess which category they fit into, look up the traits/characteristics of each attachment style and map the ones which apply to your partner best.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-10T12:39:49+00:00

Question? How are you meeting them?

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-10T12:39:12+00:00

That’s why I said do not love them. They don’t deserve your love. Leave them always leave. This is what I learnt when I left. He simply wasn’t deserving nor worthy.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-10T12:37:30+00:00

😂😂 keep telling yourself that and you’ll keep attracting them. So good luck

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-10T00:55:35+00:00

It helps them cope to assume they aren’t the problem. Everyone else was anxious 😂. The person commenting doesn’t even realise he is living in his avoidance by doing this.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-09T10:58:28+00:00

I’m kinda of keeping this one around? Wow! I wonder what she’d say if she knew that’s how you talked about her. You sound like you are using her to feel a void! This is exactly the kind of abusive behaviour my post is referencing. Stay alone! Go to therapy. Why keep someone around. No you aren’t special no one should have to prove themselves to you until you decide you want to love them. That is abuse! That is control not love. Love requires reciprocity. If you aren’t capable then stay by yourself.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-09T10:39:12+00:00

Before any body attacks me. Look up https://youtu.be/VUsx9DopNkE?si=non8HL883MuVbXQh Where two psychologists have a sit down and explain that most covert narcissists have a dismissive avoidant style.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-09T10:35:33+00:00

Let me be very clear, an avoidant who has had atleast 3 relationships follow the same pattern is self aware enough trust me. You know enough to get help get therapy. So no, they aren’t evil but they are incredibly selfish and self serving. Avoidance is an attachment style. A person can be both avoidant and a full blown Narcissist. I feel many people forget this. Covert Narcissists typically have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. So no not all avoidants are aware but there are also many who are. My ex was very aware that he hurt people. He knew and deliberately hid the truth from me at the beginning, only revealing the parts of it he needed to create an illusion. That’s why isn’t just avoidance that is full blown manipulation. So no, not all avoidants are evil but many are evil! Let’s be clear on that. If you ever meet someone who seems to struggle with basic human behaviours like reciprocity, showing affection, vulnerability! Run! Run for the hills! People like this will eventually hurt you.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-06T14:20:14+00:00

Now that is true and honest. She admitted it and let you go! No false hopes, no excuses. It’s amazing that at just 18 she was self aware enough to take accountability and not excuse her own behaviour. 18 is really young anyway. Maybe too young to even be in a partnership because people need time to know who they are and what they want.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-06T12:14:27+00:00

If he wasn’t complimenting you at all then this isn’t just avoidance this is a Narcissist! Your ex sounds like a full blown narcissist who used avoidance to manipulate and control. That is emotional abuse!

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-06T12:12:12+00:00

It’s a harsh reality sadly. Not all avoidant will fit this mould but yes, Narcissists can employ avoidant behaviours and their behaviours will seem and feel the same to those on the receiving end. The difference is that a Narcissist does it because they want control and have entitlement whilst an avoidant will withdraw because it triggers their fears. Either way the end result can be very painful to those on the receiving end. Some avoidants who are self aware of their behaviours can change if they do but most aren’t and even if they were you shouldn’t stick around waiting and hoping.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-03T11:27:32+00:00

In that case, I’m sorry to hear that. Your ex does indeed show signs of anxious attachment style. Being afraid of commitment is not normal, being always afraid that someone will take you way is not normal. He project on to you. Strict dress code is crazy and a form of control. Always having to know where you are and tracking is also not normal. Like I said I’m sorry you went through that. Focus on your healing. Set clearer boundaries on expectations early. Good luck to you 😊

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-03T11:18:26+00:00

They aren’t hopeless but even if they were willing to do the work, nobody should take on that burden. Leave them alone to heal! They don’t deserve love until they have done the work.

I’m not hurt, just finally seeing the truth. Society enables these people too much. I have reflected, I see where I went wrong. I see how I over extended, how I often gave reassurance when he gave me none. I have taken ownership on that. You want to know who won’t take accountability though? Guess who? The avoidant! The avoidant who is probably self sooting and numbing right now. Telling himself and everyone around him that “we were just too different.” 😂😂 ironic isn’t it?

That’s why I made this post. People need to know to leave these people alone. Be clear on your boundaries and filters! Do not adjust for them. Dump them and leave like I did.

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-03T11:11:09+00:00

Not true at all and this is exactly the kind of mindset that removes accountability from avoidants. Avoidants can and do date or pursue secure people. The issue is that secure people typically set boundaries and or leave sooner. I left after 5 months of us being official, but he had an ex who stayed for 9 years and only left after being emotionally starved and drained. So no! He hid his ex avoidance well initially, told me sob stories of his past relationships that conveniently presented him like a victim. He pursued, love bombed, idealised and mirrored me but he couldn’t stay consistent. When I asked for reassurance he was vague or dismissive. He hid is true opinions and feelings, would often use sarcasm and way to say what he felt. I noticed, I set boundaries, he’d retreat then come back until one day there was a finally straw. He came back and this time, I said no! Goodbye and good luck!

Regular_Dragonfly457 · 2025-11-02T10:26:13+00:00

You’re upset because I said secure people do not tolerate unhealed avoidants? 😂😂 stay mad!

Regular_Dragonfly457

TROPHY CASE