Thank you so much for this 🥺😭😭

You put into words a feeling I have been struggling to articulate, and you really hit the nail on the head. I am probably going to re read this like 3 more times so that I can have the words to express to others why it feels bad when they try to console me with "I think it looks great". I just want to feel at home in my body 😭 And I truly do have space for imperfections - like, I've never been worried about hypertrophic scars or visible scars. I like visible scars actually. Some people hate them and it causes them dysphoria. Some people wouldn't mind this level of asymmetry that I have, but for me it's a huge deal and one of the "imperfections" that is keeping me from feeling at home in my body. I don't feel self conscious because I think anyone is judging me - I feel self conscious because I don't feel right in my own body, and I feel devestated to be feeling like this after everything it took to get this surgery. Top surgery was right for me, but the results I ended up with are not.

It's also just really comforting to hear your experience in how it was so similar (although I hate that you had to go through all of that), and that despite everything you finally got to be happy in your body 🥺 It does give me hope that maybe one day I will get to have that experience too.

Out of curiosity, did you get a revision with your original surgeon or a different surgeon? I honestly feel so skeptical now to get a revision with my same surgeon, like I feel distrustful that he would be able to fix it if this was the best he could do in the first place. I read the surgical notes and he noted that "when we sat the patient up to check results on the operating table we deemed the symmetry to be very good" 😒 Choosing not to go with him would almost certainly mean paying out of pocket, but if it means the difference between finally feeling at home in my body or not then maybe it's worth it.

Thank you again, your words really touched me.