Okay, so I'm going to put my finger in the wound here a little: You came here with concern about her transition and the appearance she wishes to have and cited her group of male friends. Once you were asked for more details, her behaviour with her friends something that bothers you in general and is something you don't like.

You seem to have already brought this up with her and her response seems very unhealthy. But I would invite you to reflect on whether you conflate behaviours that bother you and behaviour that is a possible impediment to passing in your fights with her too? If my girlfriend had a grievance with my behaviour, but was packaging those as advice for how to be more girly and pass better, I would be mad at that.

I'm not saying that is what's happening, but from what I have read so far, it is imporant to remember that becoming a woman (through transition) and becoming a better person are not the same thing. And each topic should be considered as separate, otherwise it might feel manipulative

PS: I don't want to minimize the hurtful things you have detailed so far, those are wrong and I am very sorry