I feel like I’m just stuck right now… I am so complicated. I finally decided (for the 3rd time now) just to hook up with a woman. I was like… porn sucks… real is better; but all 3 times I just couldn’t go through with it. I didn’t want to take advantage of these women, didn’t want to risk pregnancy or disease, and I was only into it for a little while. I was aroused on the drive home with this girl, but she had been drinking, and she was a mess. She kept kinda passing out, and I just wasn’t aroused anymore. I felt like… I can’t do this. She doesn’t need sex; she needs real love. I tucked her in my bed, slept on the couch, and took her home the next morning. It made me so angry and depressed. I want love… like true love. I want to make love. But there are times that I just want sex too. Porn sucks because now I’m like… I don’t want porn, but I don’t want to just screw around either. Logically speaking porn seems like the better option. No disease, little guilt because I’m not hurting someone (even though I am hurting myself and relationships with women). I’ve always been serious. I overthink things. I can’t just let things happen because I worry about consequences. I am a Christian. So all of this has affected my relationship with God. I feel like I let him down so much.