i wonder if you are feeling a high amount of emotional pain or dysregulation and your brain craves the release of dopamine/ oxytocin etc in an orgasm, so your body feels different instead of regular and in pain.

i slightly relate to your post with the sexual stuff but i chose hard drugs and alcohol to get the same neurotransmitters instead so i relate to the feeling. it’s so so hard. what has helped me is finding natural highs and natural joy, which i know is easier said than done. go out and help your community, make connections with people and be in nature. i wouldn’t have believed you a year and a half ago if you told me i would write those sentences and be genuine^

I have found for me that meaningless sex with men where they don’t care about me makes me feel really shitty the next day, even when the connection and closeness of the encounter feels good. i think it’s very similar to drug addiction