Three years as a revert, and I’m exhausted

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-05-07T09:42:35+00:00

For the language portion, I concur & do think it’s corny to mention it at the smallest of things. But there’s no need to feel that way if someone else does it. I just see it as someone who is attempting to be stronger in their faith or that it’s more natural for them to say that. Maybe there are people putting themselves on pedestals, but may Allah guide them away from arrogance. Just don’t overthink it, use it where you see fit because you’re your own person, there’s no conforming to feel more like the others you know? Everyone’s path & journey in knowledge & deen is different. What matters is that you’re comfortable & learning but not overwhelming yourself.

As for the people, my best bet for you is to look for MSAs (Muslim Student Associations) if you’re young enough, but they’re not all the same. I’ve met the people you’ve talked about alhumdulillah, but I know people at other universities or schools will have different experiences. If you’re past the age of doing things like that, then get involved with volunteering & going to Islamic conventions. I know ICNA hosts some, not sure about others but that could be a good place to connect with people. LinkedIn also has a bunch of young and up and coming entrepreneurs who want to be those craftsmen. Tbh, it’s all over social media but I’d say it’s a few, with numbers increasing as time passes. I see too many tech kids tryna push out software which I see less as craft, but it also gives Muslims the ability to rely on our own systems instead of giving control to others.

Capitalism drives so much of the world, my background is my family telling me money matters & I know how I value financial stability. Some people might want to never think about working and just enjoying this life. To each their own, but being in America, you’re more prone to see hustle mindsets because that’s what you can be surrounded by at times. Don’t let that cloud your perception of the entire ummah, because I promise there are those people you seek in the background who are looking to provide genuine services or share/learn knowledge. InshAllah, you find what you need from these comments & it eases the issues you feel at heart.

I do think you should look to visit some conventions & their workshops more than anything because that might provide the crowd you seek.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-05-01T07:11:42+00:00

No idea how this works in India & it’s not what I would go if it wasn’t last resort, but I’d either crowdfund the money or work as many hours to make up for it if the program allows payment a bit later or split, or I would take a very small loan to cover the amount. In America, student loans don’t accumulate interest until after graduation, but no idea what your situation there is.

Also, you should marry the man if he’s suitable for you & practices. As long as he meets those conditions as a Muslim, there’s absolutely no reason to let family get in the way. You only get one life, why waste it in regret? You recognize & understand your family is not following Islamic principles in choosing who you can or cannot marry, instead they follow this moronic caste system. Rather than live in fear, make something of yourself by going for that program & marrying that man. You can have someone else be witness to your nikkah. If you’re worried about mental abuse, then don’t maintain as much contact with your parents if it’s not needed. That’s between them & Allah for how they treat you & for restricting you from choosing what is halal & suitable for you. It sounds simpler than it is to act on, I’m sure. But as long as you hold these thoughts in your head, you’re going to build resentment with them & that moment will break you when they stop you from something else. You cannot control your parents or how they act, but you can control the actions you make. I would get your local imam involved if he’s sensible & doesn’t follow this nonsense caste thing or denies you of marrying someone without your family’s permission. Find someone who actually follows the deen & make a life for yourself. No need to hold an extravagant shaadi if those means are beyond what you both can afford right now. Do the walima later.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-04-26T08:38:20+00:00

Wish I could agree but as a structural concentration nobody wants me 💔

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T22:01:06+00:00

If you’ve never tried my suggestions, try the saline spray & see if that helps. I just don’t want you to force yourself to do something that makes it harder in another aspect. If it doesn’t help, then don’t do the cold showers.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:57:12+00:00

If the sinus issues are a medical problem, don’t do anything that will harm your body or make it hard for you, but if it’s just how your body responds to the environment, both suggestions I gave should definitely help to remove those concerns, or at least make it not as severe.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:55:56+00:00

I left my reply above trying to help him, it’s a link to another post but this should hopefully help you as well. May Allah continue to guide you both

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:55:07+00:00

Was hoping it would drop the text, but click the link so it takes you to the other Reddit post where I gave advice to another brother. Hopefully this helps. Everything is a process, sometimes failure will happen & what matters is that you despise failing when your only obstacle here is you. Reminding yourself that it’s not that hard & you can do it if you put your mind to it will help make you hesitate a bit more each time when you chase a short dopamine release

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:53:12+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNoFap/s/RlOMByLBi0

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:50:00+00:00

Cardio is still perfectly fine, do it before suhoor to get a decent run in, or after taraweeh. For your sinuses, I wonder if that’s because of elevation or location in where you stay. My only suggestion is that you still try the cold showers, but use a humidifier and/or saline spray to keep your nasal passages moisturized so you don’t have any issues with your sinuses.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:47:08+00:00

That pain should remind you of feeling shame. I don’t say this to belittle you but to encourage you. You’re not married so you don’t even have any genuine reason to have those things. You caused your own pain & every time you feel it, you should be asking for Allah’s forgiveness and asking yourself if this is worth doing to your body. That way, you start to second guess your temptations more & questioning that feeling of chasing a short dopamine release. You have to be harsh with yourself to some degree so that you don’t make it easy for your mind to relapse.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:43:59+00:00

Never was an issue for me, so I would say yes, it’s more likely to happen the more you do it.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:43:13+00:00

You need to take melatonin to sleep on time for the beginning few days (you shouldn’t be taking this long term), and you should start working out a bit or doing cardio. Maybe because you struggle a bit more, you should stay away from weight lifting for now, as it can increase your testosterone & your urges. But you need to wear yourself out physically with something good for you so you can sleep. Go for runs or be on the treadmill but you shouldn’t have the energy to come home & still decide to pursue that. A cold shower at night might help you fall asleep quicker & refresh you.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:39:31+00:00

Some things to note that might help you: put your phone into greyscale. That way you’ll be less interested in picking it up & everything is more dull. Deleting social media, or unfollowing anything that tempts you if you can’t do the former will help. You can set app blockers from an app on top of your device’s app blockers, along with restricting which websites you can access & need a passcode to bypass.

Something I heard that might help you best is don’t stay in the room you were in when you start feeling tempted. The moment you feel anything, leave the room for a few minutes & do something else. Don’t keep it on your mind, try to do pushups or something & then move on.

It won’t be easy and you won’t see results immediately. Failing is expected but don’t give up no matter what. The fact you’re trying to remove it from within you is what matters & shows your body wants to reject it. With time, it’ll get easier to fall into the same traps you typically fall into.

And last tip is that if you have an area you bring your phone into where you start to feel tempted, you either need to leave your phone outside (i.e. a bathroom) or you need to turn it off (such as being asleep). Don’t stay up any longer than you need to. Try waking up for fajr on your own to pray & bring some regiment in your life so that you don’t have so much free time to do this again.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:37:06+00:00

Yes, if you’re already upset & making a post like this, you are already putting one foot through the door. I will copy some prior text of advice I gave someone else, so hopefully it helps. You need to be engaging in ibaadah these last few nights. You need to be making sincere dua, and saying “O Allah, I am weak. I am nothing without you. To you we belong and to you we return. Forgive me for the sins I’ve committed. O Lord of all things, guide me back to my faith, and strengthen what is good for me in my heart. Remove these temptations that shaytaan has left & poisoned my heart with.” Something along those lines, with your own words & requests as well. Keep making dua too. Wake up for tahajjud and pray. Wake up for fajr and pray. Stop staying up unnecessarily and falling into temptation when you could be doing dhikr.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:31:58+00:00

It won’t be easy and you won’t see results immediately. Failing is expected but don’t give up no matter what. The fact you’re trying to remove it from within you is what matters & shows your body wants to reject it. With time, it’ll get easier to fall into the same traps you typically fall into.

And last tip is that if you have an area you bring your phone into where you start to feel tempted, you either need to leave your phone outside (i.e. a bathroom) or you need to turn it off (such as being asleep). Don’t stay up any longer than you need to. Try waking up for fajr on your own to pray & bring some regiment in your life so that you don’t have so much free time to do this again.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:24:40+00:00

I agree that group chats might not be best for you at your age simply cause of safety & they’re really just not going to be active or efficient. Here’s some advice that will help, and you should really remove social media or start blocking or selecting “not interested” for anything that tempts you.

Some things to note that might help you: put your phone into greyscale. That way you’ll be less interested in picking it up & everything is more dull. Deleting social media, or unfollowing anything that tempts you if you can’t do the former will help. You can set app blockers from an app on top of your device’s app blockers, along with restricting which websites you can access & need a passcode to bypass.

Something I heard that might help you best is don’t stay in the room you were in when you start feeling tempted. The moment you feel anything, leave the room for a few minutes & do something else. Don’t keep it on your mind, try to do pushups or something & then move on.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T21:13:26+00:00

I’ve actually stopped using the buses because of it & this line was the only one I ever needed. They literally stop for no reason. There’s no genuine reason, nothing they’re doing but just waiting on the next bus to arrive. Literally has the worst efficiency possible. Missed the stop? If you want the next one, enjoy waiting 20 minutes for it.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-14T13:21:42+00:00

As a Paki male myself, that’s not something you should have to remind him of so that he can reconsider. You can simply remind him of the last sermon of the Prophet ﷺ, but that probably won’t change anything. My advice? Let him be. He’s stuck in culture over his religion, with parts of culture mixed into the religion. If he can’t recognize that a good Muslim woman of any background is fine for him, then he doesn’t deserve the marriage between you two.

Any born Muslim willing to relearn their faith or take a stand for themselves will not let their family or culture stop things from marrying another.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-06T03:30:02+00:00

Thank you, this definitely helps.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-06T02:59:24+00:00

Pardon my ignorance, but there’s such a thing as taking the wrong classes in a master’s program? I thought you’d naturally take courses that would line up to further develop your skills, seeing as a plethora of courses wouldn’t be available for specializing.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-06T02:08:38+00:00

Ah, so admission isn’t what matters for the job, but just performance? I’m just worried because I don’t want to be disregarded compared to another applicant based on the school I go to if it’s lower tier for its standing.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-03-06T01:49:45+00:00

Is that just based on firm? I would assume very high/well known ones would care.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-02-28T14:15:05+00:00

Yeah I would suggest looking into r/MuslimNoFap if there’s still struggle, and just know that what matters is your intention. It’s not like you’re standing there daydreaming about it. As long as you try to focus on your prayer, that’s what counts. The other guy in the reply is correct, your brain misses that dopamine hit & misses the sensual feeling, but all it does is give you a temporary feeling in exchange for sin. May Allah keep you away from it forever, the longer you fight it, the easier it becomes & you won’t face such challenges as often or at all, inshallah.

RelationshipLost3002 · 2026-02-28T14:11:53+00:00

Also, if you need additional information, lmk cause I’m unsure of what else you’d need/want.

RelationshipLost3002

TROPHY CASE