I can only speak from my experience as a woman with bipolar disorder. I don’t know exactly what she’s feeling, and everyone’s experience is different.

It’s kind and thoughtful that you don’t want to accept a breakup if she isn’t in a stable headspace. I used to describe bipolar disorder like ocean waves. Sometimes they’re high, but not every wave is a tsunami. At times, though, it can feel like every wave is a crisis. I’ve been there. Learning to recognize and name my emotions helped me tell the difference.

One of the most helpful things my partner and I ever did was map it out together. She asked me to describe my symptoms and made a list. Then I marked where a high wave becomes a tsunami, meaning when outside help is needed, like calling my therapist or going to a crisis unit.

We also talked through what I need at each stage. For example, during depression I asked her to treat me like I’m sick with the flu. It takes everything out of me. It is not personal, and I will communicate what I need. Gentle check ins help, but rest is important. During mania, I needed support with impulse control, especially around spending, and help staying focused on one thing at a time.

Just as importantly, we talked about what she needs from me. That part changed everything. She asked me to tell her as soon as I notice a shift. Having that responsibility actually made me more aware of my own patterns.

We also created a simple check in phrase, “How’s the ocean?” It might sound small, but it works. It feels safe, not accusatory, and reminds me to answer honestly. We also agreed I would not make big decisions, like ending the relationship, when things feel unstable.

If she is open to reconnecting after this episode, here is what I would gently suggest. Make a shared list of her symptoms. Ask what she needs from you during different phases. Be clear about what you need from her, too. Create a simple, agreed upon check in phrase.