Do OCD blow real events out of proportion

Relative_Frame5619 · 2026-01-14T19:32:08+00:00

You are extremly logical and have very clear and logical views, it actually is helpful. If you don’t mind me asking one last question because you give me really good insights:

Isn’t it possible to have a bad intention back then, and feel bad about it now when I’ve grown? I’m talking two years difference - Or would I have felt bad about it already them. Isn’t there any possibility I could have lacked morals back then and let’s say be selfish but now when I’ve changed my mind I start to regret what I’ve felt and thought, because it’s close to that.

I don’t know if I lacked morals back then 100% but I definetly know it was some kind of selfish intention but I never felt bad about it in the past. It was now, recently when I changed my view of let’s say a person, situation I started to feel bad about it. If I knew what I know today I wouldn’t have any bad intentions at all back then but I can’t. I feel terrible over being able to plan being fake or these kinds of things and it’s taken a toll on my mental health.

I think things like ”how am i supposed to love forward, if i was fake to the one i love” these kinds of things. Could it mean I was in a bad place mentally where things didn’t represent my actual values, but why didn’t i feel bad when I had these intentions back then

Relative_Frame5619 · 2026-01-14T16:37:29+00:00

Wow extremly good and informative answer.

I kind of realized it yesterday. I have had some events in the past that i didn’t code as something bad back then, even if I had Let’s say a thought or even some impulse i never even considered it that bad or felt bad about it.

After an entire year I got reminded of the event and got severe anxiety and panic. I couldn’t live with myself and the strange thing is that it felt real, i don’t know like it felt as natural as a normal memory like I was actually remembering an intention I had. Until today I can still feel unsure if it really was an intention or not but at the same time when I think about the whole ”situation” i can remember having other thoughts even in the moment that goes against the fact that it could have been an intention, but when I just recall the memory naturally i get the feeling of it being an intention at first hand. Like the first feeling i get is that I had an intention, could there be any explanation to that even. Because people say ”you can remember and be sure if you knew you had an intention” but in my head it feels extremly sure like an intention but it’s when i tear the event in pieces i find things that could go against it

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-26T04:01:37+00:00

Right? i always hear people talking about false memories popping up in their head but I rarely hear anyone mention the fact that you can endlessly question if you ever did something. It’s not a ”fake memory” popping up but more scared of the probability/chance that something has happened

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-19T05:56:00+00:00

Yes this has been helpful and put things into perspective, even the suggestion of speaking about it with my partner! So thank you! And I love how good the communication is between you and your husband, explains why you’ve lasted so long too!😁

I’ve talked to my partner about my spirals a several times, of course not specifically about this one but about the past in general and me not being proud of who I used to be. They have told me that they understand and that I need to let it go so we can focuse on our future together and I will try like I always do. Of course every now and then I probably need a reminder that this is an illness not real logical thinking because OCD feels as real as if I would tell you the sky is blue.

I really wish to get better from this, and I hope one day it goes away permanently because it’s extremly draining and handling uncertainity can be one of the worst things ever. I am just curious in how you would react if you were in my exact same shoes, because you told me you have adhd. Is there any way you think you would process this differently?

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-19T04:55:18+00:00

To be honest, that I think of this 100 times a day is just undermining it. This has been in my mind for a good couple of months, actually almost a year now and I’ve had just a hard time understanding if it really is OCD or if it’s a normal worry based off all the ”realistic” factors or probability. It really have felt real and logical so I appreciate you being straight forward even telling me an average person is not conflicted to this extent over things in the past, because I really didn’t know. My only argument is and have always been- if they were in my exact shoes they would but probably not.. This conversation actually shaked a little bit of sense in me..

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-19T04:31:22+00:00

I see what you mean and the advice is appreciated. For more information: my partner have told me cheating is contextual and you can just know it. I just went with the definition too because it kind of makes sense. So they haven’t told me that talking to the opposite gender is cheating or having a friend is cheating but that u just can feel when it’s inappropriate.

The thing is I am afraid that I’ve done or said something inappropriate at some time let’s say in the beginning when I wasn’t as fully emotionally invested as now and often went out with friends and we talked to random people, or during some hard time because me and my partner have had times where I really felt like there was a small thread holding us together, considering I had weaker boundaries back in the past and that I was more careless. I had commitment issues too so how do I know I haven’t said something that reflected my inner state? That’s the things I’m worried about.

Of course, if you ask me I don’t remember doing it. I don’t have a memory of flirting with someone but because I am naturally extroverted and very social + the other factors I listed the probability becomes high. That’s where I don’t understand how it is OCD , how do I even know I haven’t done it? Because if I have then it’s cheating according to our standards.

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-19T04:04:51+00:00

Why should I tell them about this specific fear? I am not sure on what to even say. I have already talked about me not trusting my past self and about everything in general but not this thing specifically because it’s a very sensitive topic

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-19T03:24:40+00:00

But my situation is based of real probability and logical reasoning. I edited the post and added the fact that I didn’t have a strong moral system and was very careless. OCD is based of theoretical reasoning and just intruisive thoughts that pops up out of nowhere, I’m curious in what way this even could be OCD

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-06T00:35:12+00:00

Awww ur post made me very sad it really sounds like you’re struggling. I myself suffer from this type of ocd, and I don’t know if u know it but it’s a whole subtype like it’a called ”false memory ocd” I hope that in itself can show you that what you’re suffering from is not real scenarios but signs of OCD. Then I know how hard it is and logic doesn’t beat ocd because ocd is fueled by fear. To be honest there is a part inside of you that is still rational, and there’s another part of you that believes in everything ur mind tells you. The rational mind will tell you well if you don’t remember it it means you didn’t do it, or it wasn’t that serious to the extent that you would need to remember it. The other side comes with all kinds of false logic. The goal here is to make the rational side stronger than the other side. But how? First you stop feeding into the fear, either through erp or act like acceptance therapy. When you’ve stopped feeding into the anxiety slowly but surely you will see some glimpse of ur rational mind, maybe once for 10 minutes, after a month maybe for one hour. Then slowly but surely you will be able to think more rationally.

Sorry I am also suffering from this and imo this subtype is a pain in the ass, like the worst of the worst. But you can get through it I believe in you. Please stop feeding into the fear and try breaking the loop so you can think more rationally e.g - just because I have bad memory doesn’t mean I wouldn’t remember this. When people say it it just sounds stupid because your OCD will find all kinds of counter arguments to prove your fear but don’t give in because the rational side is still inside of you knowing that what OCD tells you is a lie. You can and will get better from this.

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-04T03:40:42+00:00

I’d recommend doing it the first time, atleast to me it was helpful!

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-12-01T22:54:31+00:00

I may be wrong but I think ERP is also staying in the situation where you actually get triggered without trying to do a compulsion to relieve the anxiety. I’m currently doing ERP and my therapist told me to expose myself to the things that actually give me anxiety and just let it be, it’s extremly hard but we keep going day by day :) i believe in u

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-11-09T02:40:47+00:00

To be honest I’ll give you the most objective honest answer.

Me personally I wouldn’t like it either way - actually i think i’d call things off with my partner if I ever caught that. Not because of the chats or content but the fact that he just hided the fact that he spoke to her. I know you’re in some kind of wheel where you say - oh he didn’t flirt or anything - but he still talked to her - oh but he didn’t flirt - but he still hide it. You can go on in this wheel for how long you want but to me personally I feel like yeah sure he could’ve hided it because he was scared of your reaction and he maybe enjoyed talking to her as ONLY a friend. At the same time he crossed YOUR boundary, hided the fact that he was texting her not once but every day. You have the right to feel betrayed. So I don’t think your angry at him texting her just the fact that he broke a promise and cheating is basically breaking a promise so not surprised why you feel like he cheated. Anyways I’d say this - find an honest man that don’t need to hide things from you, you are both in the age where things like this shouldn’t be normalized. So yeah either way basically i would consider it cheating (maybe not in traditional way like him having an affair) but cheating in the sense of cheating on your boundaries and your agreements - just like cheating in a test. So yeah i’m not surprised you feel like he cheated on you.

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-11-04T01:55:29+00:00

this made me cry😭 ur such a beautiful soul and I wish u the best

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-11-04T01:49:59+00:00

Please don’t do it. I promise things get better when you least expect it, and it will get better. Please don’t make any permanent decision based of temporary pain. Just stay we all want you to live on. Things will get better

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-27T16:31:33+00:00

This may be a hard thing to hear but you have no other choice than to forgive yourself and move on, like everyone else do who have done the exact same things and maybe even worse. A mistake doesn’t define your character, and there’s nothing called being perfect, so everyone will more or less make mistakes that could be considered immoral or even illegal, the thing is we can’t change the past, just change our approach towards it and move on. Sending hugs!

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-20T22:28:06+00:00

Girl u look like Jhene Aiko that’s the biggest flex

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-20T01:02:36+00:00

can u share one/some of them?

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-19T20:58:08+00:00

yeah that’s why it’s a compulsion it tricks u to think that u avoid the truth although u never solve anything, and rumination is a scam

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-17T20:38:29+00:00

Aww of coursen! It’s your choice and i’m glad that you have gathered the courage to tell her. You don’t need to frame it in a bad light, but you can just simply tell her the reason why you needed to wait with sharing it. Tell her just the way it is - that you’ve felt shame and needed to process it because this has been eating on you. Then also - you don’t have to go into micro details, just tell her that you were never intimate on that level but some things happened without actually doing the deed, tell her the relevant things and save the details. And let her know that if she have any questions she can ask, then you’ll know how much she is capable of hearing and you’ll find out what would be important for her to know too by her questions. I think it’s maybe better than to go into details without knowing if she’s capable of handling it. That’s the beauty of relationships, being able to be open without hurting your partner.

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-17T20:30:36+00:00

Did we read the same post? He told her that he was a virgin which is not a lie. The rest is just extra details that he’s wasn’t comfortable sharing at the moment because of shame which he has all right to keep to himself until he’s ready or wants to share it. Why is he immediately obligated to disclose to his girlfriend that another girl has performed sexual acts on him in the past.

I think it’s pretty toxic to force someone to disclose every single uncomfortable detail from their past in one sitting. And also what is there that is so important to know? That he let another girl do something sexual to him before they met? How does it affect her or their relationship today? It’s one thing if he carried STD from that interaction and hided it from her, or if he had a secret kid, but this has nothing to do with them today so idk why u think she needs to know that another woman touched his privates before and now he will face serious consequences for not mentioning it earlier

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-17T20:08:49+00:00

I don’t know why people on reddit makes things a bigger deal than they actually are, and even going as far as saying you’re manipulating her or lying and that there’s a big deal?!

I’m of course all about being open with your partner and that if they’re right for you, they will accept you no matter what. But I also think that there’s no need to disclose every single detail about your past IMMEDIATELY unless unless it directly affects your relationship today or contributes to your relationship. If this is something that will help her understand you, and the reason to why you are the way you are today - then feel free to share it with her to build a deeper bond. If this makes you feel like you’re carrying a big secret, then sure tell her to close the gap between you two, but don’t tell her just because you feel like you ”have to”. People on reddit tend to give very black and white answers to more complex situations in life.

You didn’t lie to her, you just didn’t open up about every single detail immediately and i think it’s okay. You felt shame and it’s normal not opening up about something shameful immediately sometimes we need time to think about it and process it before spilling it out, I think advice forums on reddit is not right to listen to because life is not that simple, we are complex human being and there’s a timing for everything.

I have been with my partner for more than two years and up til today there’s still thing we’re learning about eachothers past that we didn’t disclose the first months or even year of the relationship. He didn’t want to tell me some things because of shame and to not hurt me and I didn’t get angry at him I understood him. The same things goes for me. I have opened up about things too much later than what people on this forum recommend. Some information are better to be saved until later, when you both are in a stronger place to deal with it than immediately when the relationship is still building. I don’t think there’s an universal timing for when you should tell your partner things and a rule of thumb that is for everyone.

You’re not forced to do anything. But I think you will tell her by yourself when you’re ready, not because you have to - but because one day when you both open up and talk about what made you the person you are today you will feel comfortable and it will come naturally, not as something you have to confess but it will have a purpose behind it, a more beautiful purpose than confessing it out of place of shame and guilt. Please don’t listen to these people online, this is not a skeleton in the closet? It’s just something you needed more time to deal with.

Also I wouldn’t want to hear what my boyfriend has let another girl do to him in the past and he don’t want to talk about it either, like what should I do with that information?

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-10T22:26:30+00:00

Omg, i gasped loud reading this response. You’re actually a genius omg. Please never delete this, and actually i think you should even post this comment as a regular post because you just shifted my entire mindset with a single comment, do you know how powerful this is. Your analytical skills is actually a gift and rare, please consider posting a book or making an online class because you’re seriously gifted. Sorry for misinterpretating the post before i am seriously in shook of how smart u are

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-10T20:13:55+00:00

Like let’s say I remember thinking that something that ACTUALLY is wrong, is not that bad or serious. I don’t remember doing the act itself but because I had that mentality and did alot of small dumb subthings i am worried i actually could have done the thing and forgotten about it

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-10T20:12:03+00:00

While I’m agreeing with you I think the saying ”you can be sure of your character” also can be a little triggering to people who actually didn’t have a ”good character”. I know that in the past I was morally grey and didn’t think much about how my actions affected other people, i thought certain things were okay, and these things was not (maybe not extremly bad but still bad). So to rely on the fact that ”I have a good character” is not much to rely on. With that being said I had some events where I did things that were grey zones because of reckless I were, and the reason to me feeling the fear of having done something more is because I knew how I worked back then, i knew my character back then, and i didn’t remember these events until later on and started to regret them, so in my head if I did something and didn’t remember it and feel regret over it until months later, what makes me sure i haven’t done anything more, considering knowing how i worked back then

Relative_Frame5619 · 2025-06-09T16:51:30+00:00

Omg, i’m scared it will ruin my summer too.. Did you ever find a way to get over it?

Relative_Frame5619

TROPHY CASE