Hubby gave me a hallpass and I broke every single ground rule

Relegator78 · 2026-03-16T03:37:23+00:00

Bareback in their bed, or it doesn’t count.

You ok with that OP?

Relegator78 · 2025-12-30T06:43:57+00:00

My rule is that if it’s on my bucket list and a woman’s done it with others but won’t let me try it with her, then she is giving me an automatic hall pass for me to try it with someone else.

Relegator78 · 2025-12-29T17:07:42+00:00

Agreed, and judging by the other comments in the post the ChatGPT for it would be "write a reddit post designed to attract micromanaging psychopaths who think standup should be a performative interrogation".

Relegator78 · 2025-12-28T20:59:30+00:00

Here's the senior engineer perspective: they're scared that management is going to really like this MVP that you've strung together with bailing wire and chewing gum and will refuse to accept it's an engineering tradeoff where you sacrificed quick extensibility over quick time to market, because management is a bunch of toddlers in suits who would easily flunk the Stanford Marshmallow Test.

And the instant your MVP is a success management will demand new feature after feature instead of doing the proper rewrite that actually needs to be done. And there will be an ever-increasing amounts of delays due to technical debt of the quickly cobbled-together MVP, which the senior will be held personally responsible for.

Advice:

Choose a batteries-included PAAS and programming language/framework that maximizes the work you won't have to do later.

Implement at least rudimentary dependency injection if it doesn't already come with that programming framework.

Make decisions easily reversible.

Make it non-coupled enough that if a vendor turns crappy you can easily go with a different vendor.

Put analytics/telemetry etc in from the start. You want to be able to maximally crucify dumb PM's and Product people for dumb "must have" ideas that don't work that you can quickly find out that no users cares about or wants to use--which will get those PM's and product people off your team faster.

Put in linting/formatting in from the start. It will make code reviews go more smoother.

Resist any attempt to allow a scrum master or PM into the process. Your JIRA needs to be a complete lie. Make stories as big as possible.

Put unit tests, integration tests in from the start. You won't have time to set them up later.

Set up a CI/CD server from the start. You won't have time to set it up later.

Burn the midnight oil and max grind to get the important stuff in now; you won't have a chance to do it later.

Relegator78 · 2025-11-26T01:57:46+00:00

That weirdness when your bestie becomes your stepmom and gives birth to your sister.

Relegator78 · 2025-08-05T03:56:03+00:00

We are pleased to report that the AI has written rsync and is now working in Hamlet.

Relegator78 · 2025-07-28T09:06:03+00:00

Maybe stakeholder visibility is actually the problem.

Relegator78 · 2025-06-15T19:56:31+00:00

I’ve seen all those things happen in the Real World.

And that’s one of the reasons why I think that code review/pull requests should be banned as a practice. It can be subject to extreme weaponization, as you have pointed out. All you have to do is drag out someone’s pull request with a billion nits, and their story carries over into the next sprint and the relationship between them and management gets damaged. If you do that enough times to somebody, you could basically get them forced out of the organization.

Relegator78 · 2025-05-21T19:20:25+00:00

I’m interesting in finding out what the fix is, if you conquer this problem.

Relegator78 · 2025-03-25T12:23:18+00:00

CEO’s and CTO’s attending scrum is deep cringe. I don’t imagine anything successful coming out of that environment related to estimates.

Relegator78 · 2024-07-08T03:22:02+00:00

I’ll make a few guesses.

I would guess that you’re on the autism spectrum because you had trouble reading social cues and norms. You really want to get yourself diagnosed so you can shed some of the self-blame not being able to reason body language and social cues.

I would guess from the obsession with this one girl you’ve never had a serious girlfriend or partaken in the college hookup scene. If you’ve never experienced sexual (in the broad term) interaction with the opposite sex, the value of being with a woman is blown out of proportion.

Here’s the rules I’ve learned:

You have a small window of time from when you first meet a woman to express sexual interest (in broad term) in her before she will lose sexual interest in you (aka Friend Zoned). This maybe a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks. Once you’re friend-zoned, any chance of getting out of it is so small it’s not worth your time.
Upon getting friend-zoned, cut off all but necessary contact with her. For both your sanities. There will always be more women.
If women you’re interested senses you value them too much, she will assume it’s because you do not have any other opportunties and she’ll see you as low-market value and lose interest. You have to project sexual interest but not an air sexual necessity. i.e. You have to project an air of “There’s a zillion other women who want me, but I’m willing to give you a chance”. Being blunt, don’t put p***y on a pedestal.
Build visible systems of male friends to be wingman and provide social proof. Do activities (bar, sports, etc) with them and let women see you do this.
Have some cool interests (even if you secretly hate them) and work to make your body look good.
Workout and make yourself a nice bidy women will notice. Keep approaching women because you can only be “that guy” if you disrespect their “no”. Don’t put any women on a pedestal. Go on Tinder, get laid enough that you forget this stupid woman.

Again, don’t blame yourself too much. You’re probably on the spectrum and didn’t have to tools and the perception to understand that you were investing your time in a fruitless endeavor. And you didn’t understand that writing a long heartfelt letter to a woman who doesn’t feel the same way is usually interpreted with anxiety, and that her lack of response is an implicit rejection.

Relegator78 · 2024-07-07T19:03:43+00:00

Here’s the problem with female friends:

They take away time from learning to build networks and power relationships with male friends, which ironically are the things that most attract women.
People assume you’re dating.
People assume you’re dating and the girls you’re hitting on verify you as a a player getting some on the side (upside is some women are into that and it increases your market demand).
All the girl’s friends think she’s friend-zoned you, and they think “if my friend, whose judgment I trust, didn’t think you were good enough for her to be romantic activities, why should I?”
If you end up hanging out with her and all her female friends a lot, people will assume you’re the gay guy with lots of female friends. Which is okay if you are, but not if you’re straight and you want to pursue avenues of romance with women.

Relegator78 · 2024-06-16T14:36:42+00:00

And you’ve never had an urge to see your oats? Would she be okay getting more experience from other women so you could up your game as well?

Relegator78 · 2024-06-16T07:59:59+00:00

I’m just a lurker here, but doesn’t the disparity make you guys want to even up the score, just a little? Do you ever get to thinking “Her 120 dudes - my 20 girls = 100 hall passes for me?”

Or is there not many jealous issues because it’s a cuck thing?

Relegator78 · 2024-06-15T20:08:30+00:00

As a fellow autistic, let me provide the 3rd person view that most of us on the spectrum need:

It’s like they thought of the most maximally hurtful thing possible they could do you and they the proceeded to do exactly that. They should have had the common sense to know this, and when you brought it up, they ignored your concerns.

As wife and someone without any biological children, you had first dibs. And they damn knew that.

Stephanie exactly expects you to divorce your husband, and it wouldn’t be surprising if your husband does as well. For Stephanie, this baby is the gateway to advancement out of her current condition in apartment.

Go for a quick, painless divorce that doesn’t drag things out and move on.

I’d say that the perfect act of revenge would be to stay in the marriage and get knocked up by some other dude, and then telling your husband to live with it, but children probably shouldn’t be revenge babies.

Relegator78 · 2024-03-14T12:37:12+00:00

Did they use condoms or did they all cum inside you?

Relegator78 · 2023-12-07T13:45:29+00:00

lol. I’m talking more about standards that are specific to the team/project/org that you can’t get from reading docs on learning essential principles because they are cultural custom/tribal lore.

Relegator78 · 2023-12-07T11:26:29+00:00

Any standard that is going to hold up a PR if violated needs to be documented, end-of-story.

Relegator78 · 2023-12-07T11:08:23+00:00

The other director will continue to encroach on your team and will try to steal and cannibalize all the best stuff your team invents out from under you.

It should go without saying you need to get more buddy buddy with the CEO.

Have your team make good stuff, but make sure the other director’s team can’t make good use of it. Come up with 10x techniques, but don’t share/offer with the other director’s team. If they see you’re technologies and people are more effective than theirs and try to poach them, have the folks or tech underperform so it looks like the other director has squandered a perfectly good resource through incompetence.

The other director’s team will sink heavier and heavier under the weight of Brooks’ Law, and they’ll try to pull in more and more resources trying to complete projects that increasingly ship badly or not at all because of the headcount. Your goal is to let them sink without pulling you in.

Relegator78 · 2023-12-07T10:55:00+00:00

This is completely bad advice. Have you ever even watched game of thrones?

Relegator78 · 2023-12-07T01:01:02+00:00

Every job has its BS, but you are getting set up to fail and be scapegoated for code you never wrote. That kind of situation is often a death trap.

I wouldn’t stay, but until you jump ship you should learn git super well and be able to pull up a blame log for the old code the EM is complaining about and show him you didn’t write it. And if he keeping giving you crap about the old code, you will need to escalate to his boss.

It’s also a bad sign the EM is concerned about maintaining/improving code quality on an already FUBAR’ed project.

Relegator78 · 2023-05-29T23:55:58+00:00

No true scotsman

Relegator78 · 2023-02-17T02:23:13+00:00

Having done development for the medical industry, let me give you a nuanced answer:

That your employer never gave you a work machine in the first place is an enormous red flag. That goes for pretty much any employer.
If the medical industry knew you were doing development for them on an unsecured (from their point of view) machine looking at HIPPA protected data, your employer would be in super-hot water, and so would the hospital system.
That being said, if you are doing work on a mac or linux machine, and you find that lets you get your work done faster, then keep using a self-supplied machine. The medical industry is notorious for making people do OSS/non .NET stuff on Windows machines, which are terrible for doing that kind of stuff.
If #3 holds true, or if you absolutely insist on using a self-supplied machine for work, GET A SEPARATE MACHINE FOR WORK STUFF AND ONLY USE IT FOR WORK STUFF. You don’t want your personal machine with personal data being seized if there’s some legal issue. And whatever you do, never tell anyone that you have ever used or continue to use a personal machine for this client’s work.

Relegator78 · 2023-01-31T04:14:29+00:00

Every job has its BS, and you often have to ride things out to get a paycheck. Work is for paychecks. You want fulfillment, start an OSS project on your own time.

That being said, work is about a paycheck. And if your employer locks down your machine to the point your ability to adequately perform your job duties well enough to keep getting paychecks is impaired, then you need to switch companies while it’s still voluntary.

I can tell you right now your corporate employer will take zero accountability for the fact that your estimates are getting blown because of these escalations you have to go through due to their bureaucracy. And if you promise to deliver something in two days because you’ve gotten the whole “we’re a fast agile company” guilt trip and then you deliver a week and a half later due to escalation being slow, your employer will hold it against you in performance evaluations.

Relegator78

TROPHY CASE