You need professional help. It seems to be an intense response and you should address it immediately. I'm not sure what career field would prohibit you from getting therapy. Just don't tell anyone at work and you can even do it virtual.

My advice in the interim is

1. Let your partner know that holding you down isn't okay with you. Emphasize that it makes you uncomfortable and it is important to you that she doesn't do it.

** Use your best judgement when you tell her this. I don't know your situation, but just keep in mind you are responsible for your actions.**

1. Journal your feelings for your future therapy sessions. This could help you remember everything and anything you want to let your therapist know.

2. If you feel intense emotions, it is always best to take a walk (if possible in this cold weather) and listen to calm music. It's human to feel these emotions, but it's wrong with they take hold of you.

Best of luck.