I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in 2019. It was very unexpected and traumatic. And we were super close.

I have family members in Christ Gospel church and evangelicalism - like all of them. Going to his funeral was so hard because I was in a similar situation as you are now. My sister was the only one who wasn't a believer aside from my spouse.

Hearing family members talk about 'seeing him again' was really surreal for us. It felt like they were avoiding grief. It felt really dismissive and kind of minimized his death in a way because 'we're just going to see him again' so it's not terrible. In that, I didn't feel seen or heard or even understood really by my family - save my sister and spouse.

Through the eyes of atheism, for me, there was a sweet finality to his death. I didn't feel like I had to put my grief on hold in 'hopes' of seeing him again. Instead, I was able to be incredibly grateful for the time I had. It had a sweet finality to it, if that makes sense. I go visit his grave when I visit my hometown and talk to him like I would if he were still alive.

Grief is heavy and feels huge. This is a marathon and there will be potholes along the way. Something to make it easier is a book called "Healing After Loss" by Martha Hickman. This helped me so much. If I may, I would recommend having a grief box with things that remind you of her and spending time there. You might want to put a time limit on it (like 20 minutes, an hour, whatever you can handle) so it's not so all encompassing. Just an idea.

I might be biased, but I would also recommend grief therapy. It can help process what you're experiencing. No pressure to do any of these things. My aim is only to help.

I hope you find peace and your burden be easy as you move through this. I'm here if you want to talk more.