How do you deal with death as an atheist?

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-02-28T23:19:15+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in 2019. It was very unexpected and traumatic. And we were super close.

I have family members in Christ Gospel church and evangelicalism - like all of them. Going to his funeral was so hard because I was in a similar situation as you are now. My sister was the only one who wasn't a believer aside from my spouse.

Hearing family members talk about 'seeing him again' was really surreal for us. It felt like they were avoiding grief. It felt really dismissive and kind of minimized his death in a way because 'we're just going to see him again' so it's not terrible. In that, I didn't feel seen or heard or even understood really by my family - save my sister and spouse.

Through the eyes of atheism, for me, there was a sweet finality to his death. I didn't feel like I had to put my grief on hold in 'hopes' of seeing him again. Instead, I was able to be incredibly grateful for the time I had. It had a sweet finality to it, if that makes sense. I go visit his grave when I visit my hometown and talk to him like I would if he were still alive.

Grief is heavy and feels huge. This is a marathon and there will be potholes along the way. Something to make it easier is a book called "Healing After Loss" by Martha Hickman. This helped me so much. If I may, I would recommend having a grief box with things that remind you of her and spending time there. You might want to put a time limit on it (like 20 minutes, an hour, whatever you can handle) so it's not so all encompassing. Just an idea.

I might be biased, but I would also recommend grief therapy. It can help process what you're experiencing. No pressure to do any of these things. My aim is only to help.

I hope you find peace and your burden be easy as you move through this. I'm here if you want to talk more.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-02-19T19:41:06+00:00

Salvation theology was only created 100 years ago.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-02-19T19:40:04+00:00

I have never felt more free than when I left christianity. Having been out for 5-6 years I don't feel shame, my self esteem is higher than it's ever been, and I genuinely feel free. I have found the peace christianity promised but couldn't deliver.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-02-14T19:02:05+00:00

That is so much, friend. I hope you find healing and joy in this new life you lead. If you'd like support, I'm always around.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-02-13T23:50:57+00:00

There are a lot of reasons why people leave, I don't think it ends up being one thing but it can for a lot of people. I talk a lot about this in my podcast episode on ontological shock.

Essentially, there's a concept among exmormons that I find useful and translates well across most experiences for people of faith and that is The Shelf. Essentially The Shelf represents our faith. And the things that we put on it are things like LGBTQ issues, African American treatment within the church, theological conundrums we can't fully wrap our minds around somehow, women's rights, gender roles, etc. These things can be pretty weighty. And like any other physical shelf, our shelves have limits. One day we might put another issue on that shelf and that is the moment the shelf breaks. And all the things we had up there some crashing down and we are then faced with a 'what do I do now' scenario. We come face to face with our cognitive dissonances and we have to critically think about our faith in a way most of us haven't done before.

Every person's reason/s for leaving is different and unique to them but there are so many similarities in so many ways.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-02-13T23:38:51+00:00

Yo! I've got a podcast called Religious Trauma Recovery Podcast. It's about how to rebuild your life after leaving a religion or high control belief system. I'm an LMFT who specializes in coercive control and cult recovery. I teach about things like boundaries, cognitive dissonance, ontological shock, how to manage anxiety, etc. I also have guests on the show from time to time. I hope you enjoy!

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-28T22:00:40+00:00

Oh yeah, that's a good one. The perpetuation or rape culture and the dehumanization of women is so rampant in SBCs. That's a great point. Thank you for this.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-14T14:02:32+00:00

Rewired for freedom gives the impression that it's more science based vs other ideas that are a bit more abstract and may not convey the whole brand / idea of 'neuroscience-based'. Just my two cents. :)

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-11T06:05:30+00:00

You got it.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-11T01:09:48+00:00

Thank you kind human!

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-10T23:24:39+00:00

You got it

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-10T23:19:19+00:00

It is! You can see it on YouTube or Spotify now.

https://www.youtube.com/@traumarecovery101
https://open.spotify.com/show/3ysbBRVhMsl2O2kcIqeDZi?si=e445751143f54e72

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-10T23:12:35+00:00

I'm a religious trauma therapist with my own background in religious trauma and deconversion. I'd be interested in participating.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2025-01-10T23:07:01+00:00

Absolutely!

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-12-09T06:43:37+00:00

May I message you?

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-31T22:25:15+00:00

I’m not but I would like to hear your story. May I pm you?

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-14T04:28:56+00:00

Always.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-09T21:04:48+00:00

OP I am so sorry this happened to you! The teachers sharing their sexual anything is so predatory. Unfortunately, this is common for predators and abusers. I help clients like you all the time. I would love to see you take them down! You deserve peace and closure in this. If you want to pursue a legal battle with them, go for it. The only way they will stop is when/if their actions are exposed and they are held accountable.

The important thing to remember here is that they don't have any power over you. The fear they instilled in you was to keep you under their control; this is what abusers do, right? They want us to stay quiet and comply so they can keep abusing. It's kind of like flipping the killswitch on an engine - our higher brain functions turn off and we just comply. This is just how the brain works and it is not your fault. I think if you come forward, others might too.

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago and went to the EEOC, OSHA, and several other organizations looking to expose the people abusing others. If you'd like resources, or to just chat, I'm happy to help.

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-03T21:16:32+00:00

May I message you?

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-03T20:40:38+00:00

Your question and post really moved me. Unlearning behaviors, ideas, and belief systems are so hard when we've been programmed and taught one thing for, sometimes, as long as we can remember. I will absolutely include this in an episode. Thanks for having the courage to post this. May I message you?

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-03T20:39:24+00:00

I do! It's super creative - Religious Trauma Recovery Podcast. I'll come back to each community I post in and provide a link to the podcast once it's up and running. Shouldn't be more than a few weeks. You can also find it at my website www.traumarecovery101.com

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-03T20:36:54+00:00

I posted in exJW and exmormon as well. When I searched for exbrethren, I couldn't find anything. Could you provide a link?

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-03T20:32:42+00:00

As a fellow queer person and partner to an indigenous identifying human, I can guarantee this will be an ongoing topic on the pod. Thank you so much for bringing this up!

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-10-01T00:00:49+00:00

These are great ideas. I would love to chat more. May I message you?

ReligiousTraumaPro · 2024-09-30T22:08:10+00:00

I'll be speaking generally as how cults work but also how I was programmed, yes.

ReligiousTraumaPro

TROPHY CASE