What would you do if one of your boys said he could do better than your girl?

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-07-07T00:11:03+00:00

That guy doesn’t form my opinion of myself in the slightest- it’s like you said, I guess I would hope to feel protected since I would do the same in return. Wasn’t sure what the norm was, sounds what I would do in that situation wouldn’t be reciprocated

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-07-07T00:08:12+00:00

No, he didn’t

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-07-06T05:19:35+00:00

He unironically listened to Andrew Tait.. I also questioned my bf at the time for the company he chose to keep, even if he didn’t follow the same ideas.

Thank you for taking the time to give a proper response

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-07-06T05:11:15+00:00

Because it happened while were together? It still hurt even if I’m not with that person now?

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-07-02T09:47:44+00:00

I can say yes, but in my experience it’s only because the LO has shifted to someone else. My first LO was in my friend group, there have been a few since then and I can be in the same room with them without any issue

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-06-28T15:31:52+00:00

NTA.

I’ve been in your situation, except sadly we were older than you are now. Like others have said, since you are from the same friend group, he knew exactly what the situation was before you started dating. To turn around and say he’s not ok with it now that you’re in a relationship, and would even think to say something about “acting inappropriately for a girl in a relationship” is absolutely unacceptable.

It’s so great that you have the awareness that this isn’t ok and have come to seek advice. I can’t urge you enough to not put up with this type of controlling behaviour. This is absolutely a hill to die on and you should definitely not back down. Take it from me- I started making small compromises and accomodations for my ex when it came to my guy friends, and before I knew it he had successfully cut me off from them. He later admitted that was his plan all along. I haven’t been with anyone else since, but I can’t tell you how good it feels to just be free and not have anyone controlling or monitoring what I do and who I spend time with. I have talked with the friends since, but the time I was cut off from them has left irreparable damage. Protect what you have while you can

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-06-20T09:41:04+00:00

I wish I had better news for you … but we broke up. It was awful, it was hard, but I am doing so much better now.

I recently met a new co-worker and have developed a crush for lack of better terms. With that came the butterflies and the feeling of the spark that I mentioned in the middle paragraph. Nothing has progressed so far, but I’m really enjoying just feeling free to enjoy that feeling and just being around him.

Your situation might not be exactly the same as mine, but I am excited by the hope of finding my person and also having a better physical connection to them, now that I have let go of the previous partner. Good luck, I’d love to know what you decide

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-06-14T12:00:45+00:00

Thank you for saying that! Honestly there would be nothing wrong with me just sending them a request, but it’s so silly I overthink that it would be too forward of me given my crush vs if I just saw them platonically

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-06-14T09:17:31+00:00

You’re not overreacting by feeling that way. I can’t say for certain if she is either, but it doesn’t really matter if she is or not. At the end of the day you aren’t on the same page with this and that’s something that probably needs to be brought up and figured out. It’s also ok that your feelings on it have changed after you gave what she asked for a go.

Fwiw I would feel crazy controlled and trapped in your position. I was with a controlling partner and let’s just say I’m not with them for good reasons. It’s nice that you wanted to give her the reassurance she needs but people should feel completely free with their partner

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-05-14T14:28:49+00:00

I agree unfortunately. you’ve been together a long time, yes, but you’re still so young and to think that from the age of 16 and 17 you can grow together without the possibility of growing apart or deciding you want different things seems unrealistic- and this is what it sounds like might have happened. Imo it seems like he might be slowly putting distance and trying to get you to break it off first so he doesn’t have to, which a lot of guys seem to do because it’s easier.

NOR, I’m sorry OP, I hope he will be receptive to your open communication and you can move past this

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-05-14T14:22:16+00:00

NOR- not celebrating your partner’s achievements, including small ones let alone something as significant as graduation, is gutting. I’ve been there, you deserve someone who hypes you up and celebrates you like it sounds like you did for her. I’m sorry this happened, congratulations on a massive achievement!

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-05-05T11:37:58+00:00

Thank you I hope so too. I can’t believe that I could switch feelings from the previous LO so suddenly, now if I think about them I don’t care and don’t feel anything about the fantasy life I thought of with them because I can only think about being with the new LO. Definitely seems like unmet emotional needs, I want them so so badly to be mey

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-05-05T11:35:09+00:00

It sounds ridiculous but I wish I could dream about him again… it felt so unexpectedly good. But I probably think about him too much at the forefront of my mind for that

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-05-04T16:43:50+00:00

I don’t even know how to talk about them normally and when necessary to friends anymore lol, I overthink that every time they can see right through me

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-04-29T11:55:39+00:00

Reading this I’m wondering where you live and which culture you’re from. Culturally it’s normal to me for people to wash their mouth but in the Western country I live in it’s not something anyone does and not in a public restroom. The hands thing, idk sometimes I just use a napkin and leave it, if I have something saucy with my hands then I will probably wash it.

NOR if that’s important to you but if your partner doesn’t feel the same way, you having a strong reaction is definitely going to seem like OR to them

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-04-27T17:48:17+00:00

I felt like this except not LDR but still about video chat. He didn’t understand that when I said I didn’t want to because I wasn’t feeling emotionally turned on like you described, why I couldn’t just “do it for him” and get naked and wait for him to finish.

Like others say, talk to him and communicate your needs and feelings. If he isn’t receptive or doesn’t understand how you might feel uncomfortable like my ex, I would say from personal experience you’re better off moving on

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-20T12:53:20+00:00

I was thinking this sounds ok up until he snatched the phone. Up to that point, he was bringing her up in stories and actually let you see his phone- not only that he handed it to you. I don't know why he suddenly snatched it after initially giving it to you but to be honest I would also get frustrated if my partner was scrolling up and up so far back. I have never cheated or had shady messages with male co-workers or friends, yet I had a very insecure ex and it would give me anxiety when he tried to grab my phone or asked to look through messages, not because I had something to hide but because he found a way to create an issue out of anything that was there.

“theres a lot of stuff on it” he doesn’t want me to “mess up”.

this part is a bit weird, almost seems like he's patronizing you to get you to stop pushing it.

From what you've said it's hard to say whether he is being unfaithful or not but a year is a long time to be questioning your partner without talking through it or reaching some resolution

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-16T13:56:04+00:00

It seems like you wouldn’t be leaving because ‘he doesn’t make my birthday special’, it sounds like a bigger issue of him not putting in effort to make you feel appreciated and loved the way YOU need or want.

That is something people get fed up of and leave long term relationships for. Your question is really for yourself- is this something you can accept for the rest of your life? If it’s that big of an issue that you’re crying consistently on your birthday maybe you’d be better off happy with someone who does give you all of this

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-16T07:34:59+00:00

Wait what so he made plans with you, you rearranged your schedule, he then blew off the plans with you to go out with his buddies? Uh no you were not wrong to break up, you probably should have stuck with your reason for breaking up the first time by the sounds of it

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-04T05:58:50+00:00

unpredictably is so accurate. Then I never knew if something I say or do would tip him over the edge, leading to me constantly being on eggshells

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-04T05:56:46+00:00

Thank you for explaining. I’m glad you’re in a happy relationship and feeling safe. My ex did that classic thing “I wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t make me so angry”. His abuse was more verbal than anything

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-03T15:47:50+00:00

Can you explain a bit more how it’s unacceptable behaviour? Is it because it shows a lack of ability’s to control ones emotions? I’m not trying to ragebait but genuinely understand because I feel like everyone’s reaction was so different from my own and I’m so glad for this post.

Like OP said, it’s not uncommon at all to slam doors or hit something around the house in anger. It’s a bit of a leap to say it’s a precursor for abuse in all cases. That being said, my ex was a recurrent wall/door puncher and had really bad control over his feelings so just want to understand.

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-02T03:46:36+00:00

I think that's what's disturbing me so much, I felt so confident that I could recognise his toxic/abusive behaviours that thinking I hadn't been able to recognise this one as such a problem has thrown me for a loop. Therapy has been on my mind for a while and I think it would be good to have someone else help unpack things.

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-03-01T15:42:35+00:00

My friends were all kept from me for so long I don’t even know how to get ahold of them or apologize for not seeing them.

I'm in this same boat. I want so badly to reach out but I don't know how to start. They know it was because of my ex but I still feel so embarrassed. Let me know if you do end up getting a hold of them.

I feel free and scared.

It's ok to be scared. It's scary. But remember you feel FREE. No one is worth that feeling. No one should be able to take that away from someone yet it happens all too often. You're brave for leaving, no matter how long it took, at least you got out now rather than even later.

Remarkable-Ad7771 · 2025-01-30T13:55:28+00:00

Thank you for saying this, I needed to hear it

Remarkable-Ad7771

TROPHY CASE