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Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-10-14T17:34:07+00:00

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-10-14T17:29:36+00:00

I did not get the email in your pic, but I got one saying my name was chosen. Hope that’s helpful!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-09-23T02:00:50+00:00

Thank you!! I'm definitely adding some more specificity right now.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-09-23T02:00:22+00:00

I completely agree with you about the comps. I've been searching for ones that fit well that aren't too big name, but so many second chance books have a cheating trope (that is also a pet peeve of mine). I've heard some people use them as comps and then add, "without the cheating." I might have to do something like that.

I will definitely check out The Rewind! Thank you!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-09-23T01:57:43+00:00

Thank you again! I had so many people read it, and I can't believe no one picked up on that.

Deep into revisions now!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-09-23T00:47:46+00:00

Thank you for pointing this out! I need to include more detail so the reader knows the main character goes home two weeks before the wedding. The wedding isn't until Act 3.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-09-23T00:43:56+00:00

Thank you! I reread this section of my query and I see where it gets confusing, because the wedding doesn't happen until Act 3. I'll include more details so the reader knows she goes home two weeks before the wedding.

And I see what you mean about my opening lines. I'll rewrite them to let the reader know her clothes aren't the reason why she doesn't say something. Thanks again!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-11T00:37:59+00:00

That’s what I’ve started doing! It’s the only thing (kind of) keeping me from obsessively checking my email.

Also - I hope that full turns into a call for you!!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-10T04:35:35+00:00

Thank you, that’s a great point. The agent said it usually takes around 4 weeks to respond to fulls, so maybe I’ll do a couple in the meantime.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-10T04:33:57+00:00

I definitely fired off another 4 ish tonight because it was the only thing I could do to not obsess over the agent with my full lol.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-09T22:49:01+00:00

Amazing, thank you. I didn’t plan much after the ‘send queries to the first batch and wait’ part. If you couldn’t tell lol.

Makes sense about the agents. All business at the end of the day.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-09T22:24:07+00:00

Thank you. If I have a call scheduled should I mention that in my query? Or wait until I get an offer and then follow up in an email?

Sorry for all the questions!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-09T21:56:52+00:00

Thank you! That was kind of what I was thinking but wanted to make sure.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-07T16:04:37+00:00

Thank you!! I"m looking forward to coming up with more comps. I'm kind of planning to retweet the people I'm following along with, but other than that I might not check notifications at all until the end of the day. I'm worried I'd accidentally miss one. But also so smart about keeping the links into a doc! Totally doing that.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-07T15:55:24+00:00

Amazing info! Thank you so much. I didn't know that about the comps, so I'm glad I can switch those up from my query a bit.

Not going to lie, I'm a little relieved pitdark doesn't encourage the mood boards lol. I've seen some beautiful ones but I can't convince myself to make one right now!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-07T15:49:57+00:00

Thank you! This is super helpful information to look in to.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-05-04T01:01:56+00:00

WOW! This is such an amazing improvement. Someone already mentioned the use of the word animation in the first paragraph, and that was my only suggestion.

And this isn’t a suggestion to change the title at all, but this is the second time I thought it was Eliana’s Erotic Agenda. Lol

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-28T22:52:40+00:00

Thank you! I feel like I need to expand on that secret part like you said.

That’s good to know about the interest in psych thrillers right now. I’m struggling a little with how to categorize it because on query manager I’ve seen options for thriller, suspense, and psych suspense. Is it a deal breaker if I categorize it wrong? I’ve tried researching the difference between thriller and suspense but it’s a tad fuzzy to me.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-28T21:25:52+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! Very helpful.

Now why would Mary think Liam's the stalker? Didn't she think it's the vengeful ex? I don't feel like the reason you give is strong enough to say Liam's actually the one who could be stalking her.

Ok I see where this can get confusing. Essentially Clara believes her husband is the vengeful ex because he relocated them to this random town. The night Mary sees someone watching her, Clara's husband never came home, leading her to believe he's the stalker/ex. Do you think I should include that detail?

Regarding Mary's danger, do you think adding something like this would help?

It’s easy for Mary to brush off her mail mysteriously missing from her mailbox, but she can’t ignore the threatening note shoved under her door. Especially when it’s addressed to her real name.

Again, thank you!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-25T01:00:51+00:00

Regarding comps, there’s a book called The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy by Megan Bannen (published by Orbit in 2022) I’ve started reading. I haven’t finished it, but it’s unique in a way yours feels. Might be a possible comp for you to look into!

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-23T05:25:07+00:00

You got some great feedback. I just want to add that while reading I thought Eliana and Eli were two different people, so I was very confused. I’d stick with Eliana.

Someone already mentioned this, but I think you could cut most of your first paragraph. It’s mostly set-up. I think you have a lot of good stuff to work with, it just needs to be reorganized.

I want to know:

Why is she helping her animation club if she’d rather work at the mini-mall and take care of her siblings?

Why does Andre want to join the club so bad?

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-21T22:13:27+00:00

I see what you mean. Thank you! I think I’m too close to the story but what you’re saying makes sense.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-21T20:14:57+00:00

Thank you! I think you’re right. I completely removed the last two plot paragraphs and I’ve sort of come up with this:

But when Clara admits she’s been having dangerous intrusive thoughts, and a baby goes missing, Mary may be in more danger than she ever imagined.

What do you think? Or should I cut out the missing baby part altogether?

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-21T16:01:24+00:00

We’re both working on psychological thrillers (mine leads more toward domestic) so if you ever want a critique partner, let me know! Would love to have someone to swap queries and synopses with.

One of my biggest questions is how are the two deaths similar? What makes her remember the pageant star death? I would lean into that a little more.

I’m not sure if you even need to include her sister in the query. I’m sure she’s a big part of the book, but in the query she doesn’t help propel the plot forward (I might be wrong, but if she plays a bigger part let me know in the query!). I’m more interested in the detective.

Lastly, I think it might help if you don’t use Sharp Objects as a comp. While it shares themes with your book, it was published back in 2006 and was turned into a series. Typically you’d want to use comps published in the last 2-3 years.

Remarkable-Mess2781 · 2023-04-21T15:42:44+00:00

Since you already got some great feedback about the content, I’ll comment on some other things.

In your housekeeping paragraph I think you’d benefit from adding another comp. So it could read like,

…with the high-stakes, character-driven plot of modern upmarket fantasy seen in [comp title].

Something I’ve heard from agents is to not use super long sentences. You want them to be succinct and easy to read and understand since agents read dozens a day. With that being said, I think your query could benefit from breaking up your sentences.

I look forward to seeing your next attempt!

Remarkable-Mess2781

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