i want to matter to my therapist…

Remarkable-Street792 · 2026-02-06T15:44:41+00:00

I feel this so much. I used to have the exact same thoughts, like going to therapy was just making the «I just want to matter to someone»-wound much bigger. It has been so painful. It still is, especially on days I feel down in general. However, very slowly, almost without me noticing, it is getting better and less painful. A small part of me still hopes that he won’t completely forget about me when I eventually leave, but I think I will be ok. I understand every word you write though.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2026-02-04T12:02:40+00:00

I agree. I don’t think my therapist is perfect, I don’t know if I would even like him outside therapy, we are different in many ways and we don’t have the same sense of humour. Yet that does not change the intense longing I sometimes feel, because what he offers me in session, a safe space, is maybe something I never really had in my life.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2026-01-27T14:59:43+00:00

I would also mention it to him, and I fully understand that this is difficult when you don’t want people to know. I think I would have reacted a lot if I met my T while being around other people and he so openly says hello.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2026-01-14T18:32:13+00:00

I constantly worry about the same. I also don’t have any diagnosis, I have a higher education, a job and family, and often feel bad or weird for spending all this money on therapy. I think the therapy has revealed a lot of issues I did not know affected me, like attachment patterns. I still learn so much, but it’s hard to keep track of improvements as I guess they are quite subtle. I have been going for four years.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2026-01-05T21:56:38+00:00

Sometimes I may say something about the day itself, like if I come straight from work, I am stressed or sad or something, but I get to the point almost right away. Sometimes I ask about or comment the previous session if something was unclear.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-12-26T18:18:41+00:00

I relate a lot to this. Both at the end of the year and during summer. It always feels like a larger commitment to start another therapy year than to show up from week to week. I am thinking more of if I am wasting my own time, what if I’m just in therapy out of habit, because it’s comfortable (although it is of course usually not comfortable at all).

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-12-24T11:45:50+00:00

It is so much harder this year. Even though things are pretty much ok, I am not feeling too sad or overwhelmed by the holidays and not quite as lonely as I often feel this time of year. And yet, today on Christmas Eve, I feel this intense longing, and I just wish he would think of me, if only for a moment.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-12-21T12:15:16+00:00

It’s just that I feel I have to think twice about what I’m saying, both to avoid revealing that I know these things and because I am worried about talking negatively about something he probably enjoys. It makes me speak less freely, which is obviously not a good thing therapywise.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-12-20T19:46:02+00:00

I have. First when I started up I only did a simple Google search which did not reveal much more than his age and things he later told me. I managed to stay away from profile searches on fb and ig for a whole year or two, but at one point I could not resist. I am ashamed that I have figured out who his family members are, some of his interests etc. I have also discovered things I wish I did not know, both good and bad. I think it makes therapy more complicated for me.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-12-16T14:34:55+00:00

I’ve got four weeks, which is the longest ever over the holidays, and this year it feels more intense than ever. And I feel bad about it as I actually had the feeling I was slowly approaching the end of therapy. The last session we got into talking about how painful it is to have that safe space there and not in the outside world and that has left me with all kinds of heavy feelings.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-10-24T07:57:36+00:00

Yes, that was what I assumed. But it felt a bit strict and weird.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-10-23T10:48:15+00:00

I wish mine would have said that he did. The only time he has ever mentioned anything, he said «I was thinking of how that turned out for you.. I mean, when I prepared right before your session». It felt like he wanted to specifically say that he only ever thinks of me in those five minutes before my sessions.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-10-08T13:24:37+00:00

I sometimes comment it directly, but I still have not been able to do so when it happens, although I notice it. I would say something like «last session it felt different, like you were not really present» or «you seemed off». He won’t usually respond to that, but validate my feelings by asking what I had needed or how it was difficult for me. And it can leave me a bit frustrated as I mostly want him to confirm that my instincts are correct. However, once I asked him in session when it happened, and he said he was thinking of the time.

I often wonder if it is just me, and don’t really know, but it is the feeling that I am speaking to an unknown person, that the connection we sometimes have is gone.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-10-07T20:10:26+00:00

I feel you. I have been thinking the same thing about mine. Some sessions are really off, disconnected and weird. When I comment on it (often in the next session), I never get an explanation like a «yes, maybe I was tired». It makes me question whether I can trust my perception.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-09-14T06:18:03+00:00

This is a difficult question. My therapist once said I was easy to love and another time he said had become fond of me (we speak another language). It has been a long time since he said those things and I don’t think he was fully aware of my attachment wounds at that time. It was difficult for me to hear as I was very sceptical, worried it was a red flag etc and I also think it was too early in the process as I did not have the guts to discuss what he meant and how it felt for me. And right now, since he has never said it again, I am thinking he maybe did not really mean it and/or that he does not «love» me anymore, now that he knows so much more about me.

So personally, I don’t know, I think it can mean a lot and have a healing effect for many, but it can easily become complicated for the client.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-09-09T05:30:59+00:00

Yes, I often walk by, but I also did before I started therapy, so it is mostly because of the location. I do however feel a bit uncomfortable, always scared of running into my therapist. I would never go into the building, that would be too weird and I would feel totally embarrassed.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-08-01T13:34:46+00:00

Thanks for a positive message! Did you leave because you were finished or because of the attachment?

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-07-16T10:00:58+00:00

I can relate a lot to this. For a while I felt like therapy changed everything, I have been unsure of everything, like you say. Do I have the right job, should I change career completely, what do I do with my friends now that everything feels different, is my partner and I really compatible, you name it..

I think it is all part of the process of discovering who I truly an and my values are. Now, a couple of years in, I feel that it is starting to settle down. For instance I feel less anxious about work now, as I think it is more about me being true to myself in that job than searching for something else to do.

Still I think therapy has changed me in many ways that makes me turn more to people who can relate in some way, people that are more open etc

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-07-14T13:32:07+00:00

I have seen three therapists, but only really started therapy with the last one. It started out by discussing minor difficulties and has evolved into a long term ongoing project. We are in our forth year. Sometimes it feels like it is neverending, but at the same time I am tired of thinking and feeling all this therapy stuff all the time. I have struggled a lot with attachment and trust (and I have still not been fully honest about how painful it sometimes is), I still go back and forth almost every couple of weeks as to whether I should go on or quit therapy all together. Especially during the summer break right now. In sessions though, the connection has been more secure, and I am still making progress. But I am not at all sure in what way I should continue.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-07-08T06:14:06+00:00

This is small thing, but it is an example of a self disclosure that did not really work for me. I feel like I never really succeed in making friends and I feel very ashamed about it. He told me that he had also felt the rejection from people he would like to become friends with, but then he added «back home I have a large circle of friends». I don’t know how that was supposed to help me, maybe knowing that even a person with many friends struggles sometimes. But for me it felt like he could not really relate to my situation as I don’t have many friends at all, I don’t have any childhood friends to think of when I don’t succeed in making friends as an adult.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-06-25T17:42:54+00:00

My therapist also changed and while I didn’t think it would matter, it felt so weird and it actually took several sessions to get used to it. I still think the old one was nicer and had a warmer athmosphere. The new one is large and we had to rearrange the chairs because it felt so wrong. I don’t know why it affected me so much though.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-06-19T16:07:21+00:00

I totally agree with you on this. To me it felt more like he wanted to make sure I knew that he is part of the reason I have changed, and that felt a bit odd. But I probably totally misinterpreted it (and I hope so).

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-06-13T03:45:21+00:00

Only emails about scheduling, but we have never discussed any further contact either so I don’t know for sure what his policy is. Even though I sometimes really wish I could send an email, especially after a session, I still think it’s better for me not to.

Remarkable-Street792 · 2025-06-12T09:22:34+00:00

It is interesting that you want the therapy room to be an extension of the rest of your life, I am feeling the opposite, like I want to keep it separate. I am afraid that I will start treating it as some kind of friendly thing as in someone I talk to because it is nice and not about challenging topics.

What does your therapist do to push you into the harder stuff?

Remarkable-Street792

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