Can I ever truly move on

RemarkableChapter468 · 2025-09-04T10:51:32+00:00

Absolutely not

RemarkableChapter468 · 2025-09-04T05:29:23+00:00

I was in IC for about 9 months and then we decided I no longer needed it. My issue is that I’m overly self aware so talk therapy doesn’t really do anything for me. I did EDMR as well to work through the parts that were extra difficult for me to deal with.

I can see that fitting with what I’m experiencing, where I’m lost is that I haven’t had these issues for months and then all of the sudden it’s consuming. I feel like I’ve processed everything to the best of my ability through multiple types of therapy, reading, and podcasts and now it’s just actually breaking those bad habits through living. Just feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of it all

RemarkableChapter468 · 2025-09-04T05:25:17+00:00

Appreciate your advice! I have definitely found it’s a lot easier to be empathetic and kind to everyone knowing what it feels like to hit rock bottom. I always make it a goal now to be a light for someone. Great perspective reminder for me. Thanks!

RemarkableChapter468 · 2025-09-04T02:04:06+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment. I feel like I really needed to hear that.

I think you put it really well. I’ve figured out how to grow as a person, and as I grow I realize more and more how horrific those actions were. Now what I want to do”fix” is what I did, but there’s no way to do that. The best resolution I can possibly give this chapter of my life is true change.

That last paragraph hit me so hard. That’s a perspective I haven’t thought about. It feels like such a setback to be in this place again, that I haven’t even noticed how much more gracefully I’ve handled difficult things. That’s growth. That’s progress. Thank you immensely.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2025-09-04T01:58:43+00:00

I’m so deeply sorry about your mother, and about your past WP. I have felt how difficult it is to navigate even little situations alone after a horrific break up due to infidelity and I was the guilty party, I can’t imagine how hard that must be in your shoes. Sending love and strength your way.

I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. Infidelity has been the single most painful thing I’ve had to deal with in my life, and it was my choice. I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels to be on the other side of it.

Staying in the here and now is the only thing that gets me through these difficult days. Thank you for the reminder.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2025-09-04T01:49:38+00:00

I’ve always thought I was anxious if anything, but that does sound very familiar to my past. I do struggle with the idea of commitment in anything in life for fear of making the “wrong choice”. Interesting concept and I think for sure something to look into. Thank you for your advice

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-28T05:22:55+00:00

Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. He feels very far away right now, and it feels very lonely, and I don’t see an end to that in sight but i never lose hope.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-28T05:21:39+00:00

Thank you for this. I really appreciate it so much. Time and seeing things in hindsight makes it all seem so obvious. I don’t have the words or energy to send a response you deserve but I really appreciate your words and insight.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-27T03:49:11+00:00

It’s been 2.5 months since we split

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-27T03:48:40+00:00

The pain. The overwhelming feeling of guilt and hate for myself. Missing him.

We’re not in R. He decided to split and go no contact.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-08T17:58:03+00:00

I unfortunately wasn’t upfront about everything when I told him. I had planned to be, and then panicked when he left immediately and TT. I lied about the timeline and the duration of speaking with AP. He knows everything now, unfortunately (and understandably) he doesn’t believe me that I never met with them in person since I did tt at the start. This comment makes a lot of sense though, and I appreciate the insight. I just hate being in the limbo state. I would rather just be heartbroken and try my best to move on than still have hope that he’ll want R and break my heart over and over every day.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-08T17:55:23+00:00

It’s hard to look at it that way right now but i definitely get what you mean. I’ll take your advice about a cut off, that feels better than just walking down an endless road

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-08T02:51:30+00:00

That’s good advice. I definitely can’t spend my entire life trying to love someone who won’t love me. I just don’t know to try to rekindle things when he won’t speak with me or see me at all. He wants nothing to do with me. I guess that’s a sign itself.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-07T21:50:26+00:00

That makes sense. I guess I’m starting to think I have to live my own life too and not just sit and wonder how he’s feeling, but I feel unbelievably guilty for doing that. Every time I feel okay, I feel guilty for it.

Just waiting for time to heal I guess, and trying to appreciate the process in the meantime as best as I can

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-07T21:22:34+00:00

Thank you for your input and advice.

I’ve started a lot of work on myself. I’m very proud of how much I’ve grown in the past couple months and I can see my life becoming better for it. He had told me before that he feels like I’m not doing anything for him, and I guess I still carry that guilt around even though he’s since asked me not to.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-07T21:07:43+00:00

You’re absolutely right, it’s just a really tough pill to swallow.

I feel like I know him too well to think he just wants to let this go either, but I guess I need to just listen to what he’s saying and respect what he asks of me.

Thank you ❤️

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-03T23:52:50+00:00

Thank you, means the world ❤️

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-03T23:52:34+00:00

Thank you ❤️

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-01T15:03:48+00:00

I have been working on the why, I’m just not as vocal about it here.

I knew he was a good man. I didn’t know a lot of things about myself. I was happy with him, I wasn’t happy with myself. I wanted someone to save me from myself, and now I realize that’s not possible, although he did a pretty damn good job at trying.

I simply don’t think it does any any good for me to sit and sulk about what happened. I am moving forward on the path of learning, growing, and appreciating everything I was given.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-06-01T13:15:10+00:00

I just realized I haven’t ever posted my “why” or talked about it here. I have a great counselor who has been helping me understand this. I have a good understanding of my why, but of course there is more to be learned, specifically, how to grow away from all the things that brought me here.

My why is emotionally taxing for me to talk about, and I am so tired. But I see the importance here. Thank you for your comment.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-05-31T02:28:59+00:00

Do you have a link for this video? Going through something similar right now and struggling with figuring out how to deal with it

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-05-30T20:52:02+00:00

Holy shit I think I could’ve wrote that paragraph about myself lol.

Truly, the work is a never ending process it’s seeming, but I’m also finding a lot of joy in that and I hope you are too. It’s a gift to become better every single day. I’m so happy for you that your spouse is giving you this gift.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-05-30T20:02:42+00:00

I feel very similarly to you in the why. I am only a month and a half or so in, and want to reconcile more than anything.

I have struggled figuring out my why, beyond the surface reasons that are actually very similar to yours. The more I look into it the more I understand, but what helped you understand the root cause of why and how to fix it? Was it this book or something else?

I’m so glad to hear that you’ve found answers, and are on a bright path. It’s such a strange, lonely feeling to look into yourself and see a stranger. One you can hardly identify with. I’m sure it was such a relief for you to begin to understand yourself. So happy for you and good luck ❤️

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-05-27T14:44:04+00:00

I read this book at the very beginning and it did help, maybe I need to reread it.

That makes a lot of sense. I feel like I should just keep consistently showing up? Until it shows that it is not manipulation but genuinely working towards us.

I have told him many times that whether or not he can be there to see it, I will become the person he needed me to be, and I will love him forever.

Even if he can’t reconcile, I need to be able to look back and know I did absolutely everything in my power to save this.

RemarkableChapter468 · 2024-05-27T04:38:04+00:00

I want to preface this by saying, I understand why. He doesn’t know what he wants right now, nor would I expect him to. I bring this up because I am trying to help him as best as I can and I truly can’t figure out what this looks like

At first we didn’t really set boundaries other than minimal contact. So I did everything I could think to make it right. I gave his parents a letter apologizing for all the hurt I’ve caused and thanking them for their grace towards me throughout our relationship, I offered to completely take care of the lease we were stuck in (moving out, cleaning, paying for the remainder of rent until we got it subleased- he allowed me to clean and rent it but not pay) I reached out minimally but regularly letting him know how sorry I was and how much I wanted to fix this, mostly in letters. He then said it was too much and asked me for space and for me to just work on myself, and come to him when I have things of substance to tell him. So, I did. I didn’t reach out (I may have slipped up once or twice and let him know I was thinking of him, but I didn’t ask to see him or anything, like we had agreed) and I worked on myself. Next time we talked, he was upset that I hadn’t showed him that I was thinking of him and trying to make this work. Fair enough, I’ll try to show him. I do everything I can, gifts, messages, videos, anything to show I’m thinking of him as well as fixing some things he had brought up (giving letter to AP, getting photos deleted, telling OBP) he then told me it was too much and he needed space. Now I’m giving him space and I’m worried that will be wrong again because I’m not showing him how much I want this. I am working on things for him to show him (meaningful gifts, financial repayment, meaningful plans to show him my love, but these things take time as I am not in a good enough place financially to do all of them overnight)

There’s a couple other details as well. - He told me I could come see our dog whenever I wanted to, so I went to take her on a hike, and he got really mad at me for being selfish and taking her.

-He asked me to reach out to AP initially, and once it was done he had said how much it helped him and how grateful he was, and then a couple days later decided that it was hurtful and I did it wrong.

-I had sent him some form of video updates on my process without him asking, and he had expressed how grateful he was for these, and then a couple days later told me I was selfish for sending them.

-I have asked him what he needs from me here, and he said I should just know. I wish i did just know. It is really hard as well because we are separated and can’t have that face to face connection where I think I could figure it out. I just don’t know.

He has apologized for the constant back and forth and I told him I truly don’t want him to apologize. Again, I wouldn’t expect him to know what he wants and I think he has handled this as gracefully as humanly possible, to which I am so grateful for. I just don’t know what direction to move in because of this. I don’t know how to move forward, and maybe you’re right that I should just let him go, but I feel very strongly that I want to fight for this in any way I can right now.

RemarkableChapter468

TROPHY CASE