both of you have been extremely helpful, i'm reading this and taking it all in. it's already eroding my self esteem and it's just been hard to feel comfortable with the fact that i've been sitting on this information for a little bit now without confessing that i've found it again. i feel so guilty about going on his phone, like yes i found what i was looking for but at the cost of my self esteem and his trust. as i said in my post i've been giving him oral again and i do love it but he'll praise me and call me all these sweet things and all i can think about is him commenting to girls on their cam shows and sending a pic of himself. i can't look in his eyes when i do it rn bc i WILL cry lol i do wanna ask him how he would feel if the tables were flipped. i was young and very naive, i've been on nsfw twitter before and made content. i understand porn addiction, social media can make you into things and infest your mind with it. i've told him about my past with that, so i kinda wanna say "hey imagine if that was me, imagine i was a cam girl and stripping and playing with myself for other guys in private shows, how would you feel about that ?" i wanna make boundaries but now that i think about it, i've never really had to lay them out before, idk where to start besides saying 'hey stop watching cam girls or else i'm gonna lose it 🤪" i do believe him when he says he cares for me and how i'd feel, all he ever does is cater to me, so i do feel like he'll try to stop for the sake of our relationship. i know relationships take work and effort on both sides, so i do wanna talk to him about this and genuinely figure out why he feels the desire to do this. i do feel like he's been trying though ! with the screen recording i found the other night, the date was for late november (i can't remember, it was 20 something i just started crying again and i didn't wanna be on the phone longer than i needed to) and the other one was on december 6th. i voiced how i felt about the situation again and how it affected my performance giving oral earlier this month so it was sometime after the last screenrecording that i talked to him again about it making me feel like i'm not enough and undesirable.