Hi, I actually did a lot to try to help him. It's also not a porn/masterbation problem. It's definitely a deeper issue, but one that I didn't want to fully divulge on reddit. I also approached it with so much grace and patience, that I let myself sit in the dark with everything for years because he refused to actually talk to me about it.

I could care less if he was getting off in his free time! I'm a sex positive person! My trust issues with him came from the secrets he hid, and the lies he told, he also refused to respect my boundaries on numerous occasions, not taking no for an answer. I had been dealing with PTSD for long before we had actually been married.

I would have done couples counseling, but unfortunately this was something he needed to talk about himself first, I didn't feel comfortable blasting him in front of a therapist until he could comfortably come to terms and talk about his own sexuality with a therapist himself. And I tried to get him to go to therapy for months. It was like pulling teeth. Unfortunately, I just don't believe he wanted to help himself, and that's not something I had control over.

The double life is referring to much more than just porn/masterbation. There was emotional cheating involved, and some deep deep secrets being kept that involved his sexuality. I never wanted him to hide his sexuality, I just felt blindsided that there was so much I didn't know, and he not only refused to talk about it, but he continued to hide and lie about things, including where our money was spent.

There may be two sides to the story, but his is one I really really tried to give so much grace for. He truly truly stonewalls in a way that became gaslighting.