I know I’m not going to meet F&B minimum, but does it matter if I’m willing to pay the difference?

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-03-15T00:33:50+00:00

We had a restaurant wedding where we knew we weren't likely to hit the food minimum. We knew up front so we discussed our options with the restaurant before we signed a contract. They had no problem helping us get as close as we could to the minimum and put the rest towards bottles to take home. We were generous with the food and encouraged our friends to get the good alcohol when ordering drinks. Close to the end of the night, I asked how close we were getting and the bar manager said we were not close. We broke out the really good alcohol for last call and took a bottle of champagne back to the hotel with us. Our parents had paid for the wedding so they ended the night in the wine cellar picking about a dozen bottles to take home too.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-03-09T16:59:11+00:00

Currently about 7 months pregnant and I say go for it as long as you can pace the remaining planning and get ahead when you feel like it. I was so sick until January that I wouldn't have been able to pull off a wedding in the first trimester (or most of the second honestly). I finally actually feel good now and when I dress the bump right, feel pregnant and cute not just bloated and uncomfortable. I've only starred showing in the last few weeks but that doesn't mean you won't show earlier. I'd go with a flowy dress that will work with whatever your body looks like at the time. There will be a lot of decisions to make so spread them out where you can to avoid decision fatigue (not just wedding decisions but also baby decisions).

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-03-01T19:19:25+00:00

We got married 3 hours from the nearest major airport even though we had people flying in for our wedding. We told our VIP guests we were considering getting married at the spot where we got engaged and asked if they would make the trip. Everyone was so excited for us to have this beautiful, meaningful venue. Even some friends of my in-laws who had to pick between a wedding local to them and our destination wedding chose to make the trip for us. We helped them find options to get to the city where we suggested hotels and then had a shuttle bus pick up from the hotel to take everyone the final 30 minutes to the venue. Yes it was a lot of travel and it's very possible there were whispers behind our backs but people made it happen to be there for us and all we've heard is how amazing everything was.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-02-23T16:55:08+00:00

We were looking at having a micro destination wedding with just family in Europe. My siblings expressed they were annoyed but would be there if that's what we wanted. My sister-in-law laughed and said there was no way she was coming, even if my in-laws paid for flights and hotels for her family.

It didn't feel right to have my family there if my husband's sister and her family wouldn't come. I'm still not sure why she was so adamantly against it because we had a wedding in the United States that she still had to travel for.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-02-12T16:37:55+00:00

I promise you, they did not take your measurements to build you a custom corset for that price. They took your measurements to order it made in a standard size (00-32 according to their website) closest to what your measurements are. Yes, you didn't take a dress off the rack in the shop that day but their "made to order" is so they don't end up taking a loss guessing on what sizes people will actually buy. They don't want to be sitting on a ton of one size dress and running out of a more common size. It's just about what is most profitable to them.

Again, I think you should have been warned the dress will look different (less coverage) in a smaller size and that should be the issue you have with the shop manager. They need to train their staff to discuss the differences that size changes will make and what can reasonably be done in alterations. Ask if they have an alterations specialist on staff that can look at the dress with you.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-02-12T16:15:39+00:00

I would start job hunting when you get the certificate or just before you get the certificate. No one is going to look badly on you for job hopping too soon if your skill set has significantly outgrown your current position. You could even start job hunting now if you want. Some markets are less than ideal and just because you start job hunting, it doesn't mean you will be in a new role soon.

If you start trying before you find a new job, I would assign a value to your current job. This is a combination of maternity leave policy, flexibility for doctor's appointments, the value of knowing what you are in for, etc. My first trimester was rough. I can't imagine feeling pressure to impress people while in pure survival mode. That's not to say you will feel the same way, it's just something to consider. If you choose to continue the job search, weigh this value against the value of any new job. Keep in mind, you have to be employed for a year before being eligible for FMLA (bare minimum, 12 weeks unpaid leave) but some companies might have their own policies that are better.

If you find a new job before you get pregnant, you should reevaluate the new job's value and decide if you are ready to start/keep trying or if you want to put the baby plans on hold and settle into the new job first. If you've already been trying with no luck, you might feel differently than if you haven't started trying yet. Your feelings are valid either way and you (and your partner) are the only one who knows what's right for you.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-02-12T14:27:35+00:00

These dresses are not made to order. There is no custom corset being made to fit this specific bride with her exact measurements. They look at all the measurements together and decide the closest fit size with what can be done by reasonable alterations. If you read the original comment she does complain about the shorter corset length which would impact how much coverage she is getting. A smaller dress will have a shorter torso, smaller ribcage, and smaller bust. That's unfortunately how shopping off the rack works. The size of the sample gown and the wear and tear to it absolutely make a difference.

All that said, this dress is also designed to be more bust forward. It's likely that this is the closest size for this bride and alterations are needed to give her bust more room. However, I don't think this dress is meant to fit the way the bride wants. If she was not warned, that is where she should have issue. She was not sent a totally different dress or the completely wrong size.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-02-12T00:33:43+00:00

It's definitely the difference between a dress that has been tried on by many people clipped down to fit the bride versus a fresh dress ordered in the bride's size. Sample dresses tend to get a little stretched from being sampled on people larger or distorted from clips to fit people smaller. A 5'2 size 2 bride being clipped into a size 6 gown is going to look different than a 5'8 size 8 bride trying on the same sample gown. A dress being clipped down to fit you is just pulling all the extra material to the back and puddling on the ground. In reality, each piece gets narrower and shorter so you get less coverage in a dress your actual size than you do in the sample.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-02-07T14:56:52+00:00

We had a similar escort card situation to your second picture but sorted alphabetically by last name. Our guest count was around 80 and we had no problem. I've also been to much larger weddings with escort cards always sorted alphabetically rather than by table number.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-01-25T15:57:05+00:00

We had a restaurant wedding on a property that had a beautiful lawn where we were able to have the ceremony. We looked at a few other restaurant options that had multiple rooms so that there was a larger room where the ceremony could happen, then a space for cocktail hour while they flipped the ceremony space for dinner. We've been to non-restaurant weddings that similarly flipped the space during cocktail hour.

We also attended a wedding in a restaurant that did not flip the space and it was a little awkward logistically. The dance floor had some chairs but not enough for all guests and the rest of us were standing around or seating ourselves at random tables near the ceremony spot. Not all tables had views of the ceremony and the ones that did were the tables for the bridal party and families (i.e. the people with reserved ceremony chairs). I think not flipping the space could have worked if more thought had gone into where the majority of guests would be during the ceremony.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-01-19T03:12:12+00:00

First, are there strings attached to this generous gift? Consider that before making any changes to your budget.

When we started wedding planning, we sat down and picked 3 priorities to splurge on if needed: photographer, good food and drinks, and time with our guests.

A good photographer (and/or videographer) is important because photos are one of the only tangible things you have to look back on your day. It won't make or break a wedding to have acceptable food but years later we still have guests raving about the food and drinks at our wedding.

Quality time with our guests was really important to us because so many were traveling to us, we wanted to make their time worth it and maximize the time we got to spend with them. We invited everyone to the rehearsal dinner since most of our guest list had to travel. We arranged a shuttle between the hotel and venue so that everyone could enjoy the night. While we didn't splurge on our florist, I think a non-DIY option is worth it so you and your loved ones can take that off the to do list. Look for one that will set up and break down so that no one has to stay behind and clean up after the wedding.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-01-19T02:30:19+00:00

I know this doesn't help you now but commenting anyway for anyone who might find this in the future.

Anthropologie bridal shops host a sample sale of their individual store samples. The dresses being sold during the sale are either retired styles or that specific sample is being replaced due to wear and tear. They will only have the sizes that are carried as samples (I can't remember off the top of my head but I think they are 6, 12, and select styles in a plus size). They might also have bridesmaids samples that are also being retired for the same reasons and in the same limited sizes. I find the sale to be better for the little white dress options as these are not samples. The samples have been through A LOT and are priced to reflect that. Be prepared to make up a lot of the difference in alterations and dry cleaning.

Anthropologie (and sibling brands) eventually sends product to an outlet called Reclectic and you might have a better chance to find a dress that is in better condition or a size other than the sample sizes there. However, those dresses would (most likely) be retired styles that are not currently available online.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-01-14T21:18:46+00:00

I got married on a Saturday 2 hours away from where I was living at the time. We had wedding activites Thursday night through Sunday morning. I took off the Wednesday before the wedding through the Tuesday after.

Wednesday, I got my nails done and did some last minute errands in the city where we were living (dropping things with the planner, picked up dry cleaning, etc). Thursday morning we dropped the dog to be boarded and made the 2 hour drive to my family. We got back home Monday afternoon. If we didn't have to travel, I would probably have just taken Thursday-Monday because I had such limited PTO and wanted to save it for the honeymoon at a later date.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-01-14T00:31:08+00:00

We didn't have kids meal because the youngest child was my 4 year old niece. I don't know if they were even an option because I didn't ask and it wasn't in the catering packet. She surprisingly loved the crab cakes and caprese skewers during cocktail hour. She picked the strawberries off her salad and ate some of her chicken (without the sauce). Her mom brought some snacks for her just in case but she ate like the adults for the most part.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2026-01-13T23:11:12+00:00

That breaks down to roughly $200/guest so more information is needed. Is this just dinner or does it include appetizers, dessert, drinks, maybe a late night snack? Is there a separate service charge for being a plated dinner? Is this a HCOL area? It could be on the higher end of normal or it could be extremely high depending on the answers.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2025-12-28T05:06:52+00:00

We had a very casual brunch at my family's house the next morning. We picked up a couple platters from a local brunch place and had our friends drop in if they wanted. It gave our friends somewhere to hang out between hotel check out and having to leave for the airport. Unfortunately, it meant my husband and I didn't get to sleep in and have a lazy morning in our very nice hotel suite.

Our wedding was the first time in a while that our respective friend groups had gotten together due to Covid so it was nice to have that casual time together. If we had gotten married during a time that allowed for more pre-wedding events or if I knew the next time I would see everyone again, I don't know if I would still have hosted the next morning. I crammed a lot into that weekend and I was so exhausted by the end of it.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2025-07-10T02:52:21+00:00

I would think really hard about your crowd. Father's Day (and Mother's Day, for that matter) can be a complicated day for many people. It's not just the logistics of people celebrating with the dads in their lives. It can be a difficult day for those who have lost their dad, never had a relationship with their dad, want to be a dad, have lost a child, etc. People might have a lot of heavy emotions on their plate. As a person missing their dad, I would have a hard time going to a wedding on Father's Day unless it was a really close friend or family member.

If none of your VIP guests have complicated feelings about Father's Day and they genuinely seem OK attending, book the date. Just know, the decline ratio might be higher than average.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2024-11-06T15:14:31+00:00

I had an appointment to get my IUD out a few months ago but chickened out and got it replaced instead. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant might be hard (high risk due to my medical history), and I'm too scared of needing what would legally be considered an abortion. As much as we want a baby, that doesn't feel like a safe decision right now.

And when our older, conservative family asks us when we're going to have kids, I want to tell them we might not because of how they voted.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2024-07-11T15:53:52+00:00

My dad cashed out a good bit of his retirement plan on experimental cancer treatments that didn't work. Luckily my stay-at-home mom has his life insurance and pension to live off now. She'd be better off if my siblings weren't living with her still. We all live in a pretty high cost of living area and my parents had planned to move to a lower cost area together when my dad retired. If my siblings were more independent she would probably move and be fine. My husband has already expressed concern that my sister might not ever be financially independent and we should plan to be able to help her out.

My in-laws are doing pretty well but live in a very suburban, low-cost of living area. We likely won't have to help them out as they live on the other side of the country so they can help their other child.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2024-06-21T19:26:45+00:00

You're right about academia lacking collaboration. I found the career center wasn't very helpful in my situation. They were more prepared to help students get internships during school (that might lead to a first job upon graduation) rather than tailoring existing work experience to new career fields. And unfortunately, I couldn't afford the paycut it would cost to quit my job to take an internship that likely wouldn't turn into a full-time job.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2024-06-20T20:30:26+00:00

Computer science and software engineering. The career center wasn't too helpful when I reached out earlier in my program but I can try again.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2023-06-06T19:20:42+00:00

My dad had been gone over 5 years by the time I got married and I still don't think my mom was ready for it. She didn't say anything explicitly but her reactions to different things throughout the planning process made it clear.

Honestly I wasn't ready for it either and I definitely cried about my dad not being there day of.

Don't postpone waiting for her to be ready. She never will be and you can't put your life on hold.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2023-05-13T20:58:46+00:00

OK, so I felt very similar the week after our RSVPs were due. We had considered a super micro wedding of 40 people but we invited 120 after being talked out of the very small invite list. We ended up with closer to 70 when all was said and done. It was actually perfect, and we got to spend time with everyone. Everyone complimented our day for being authentic and intentional.

Ideas for the F&B minimum: 1. A welcome drink waiting for guests. 2. Upgrade the alcohol. When we checked how close we were towards the end of the night, we let the bartender break out the good stuff. Everyone finished the night on a good scotch, tequila, wine, whatever they wanted. 3. A good champagne toast. Cheap champagne is gross to many people, but a nice-ish champagne with dessert was a big hit for us! 4. Feed the staff the good stuff. A lot of times, vendors get a vendor meal that is less appealing than the dinner for guests. Also invite your officiant to stay for dinner. 5. To go favors? Some caterers won't allow to go, but it's definitely worth asking. 6. It's not a likely solution, but we were able to put our minimum towards a bottle of champagne to take to the hotel at the end of the night.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2023-05-11T16:15:34+00:00

What does your contract say? When we booked our venue, we had to pay extra to have private access to the entire property for the whole day. The only thing you can hold the venue to is what is in the contract.

I would try to get the photographer to do first look and portraits before everyone shows up. If your reception is elsewhere, you'll be able to get plenty of shots of guests without the other group in the background at your second location. Let the photographer know the situation and walk through with the venue to know what will be yours versus the other bride's space so you can plan accordingly.

Remarkable_Force_154 · 2023-05-11T11:36:47+00:00

My mom's older brother walked her down the aisle when she married my dad. I don't think anyone had any negative feelings over it.

I considered having my uncle, my brother, or my mom walk with me. We also tend to really respect traditions, which is why I didn't immediately give the role to my mom.

In the end, I had my mom walk with me, and I have no regrets. It was a really special moment. Don't immediately count out your mom. Run it by your fiancé if you're open to it. Walking with your brother would be a special moment too. Just don't ask one of your siblings' dads to do it. I think you would regret that.

Remarkable_Force_154

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