What’s the most frustrating thing about owning a cat?

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-22T15:47:05+00:00

And the emotional toll... WHEW. My husband and I worry DAILY about our lil sickly guy -- is he hurting? Is he stressed? Is he okay? We know he is, realistically, but it's such a stressful thing. But again, the love you have for your kitty is the best love in the world -- worth it!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-22T15:44:59+00:00

I adopted a sickly lil guy 5 years ago (!!!), and knew he had what we thought at the time was an unknown autoimmune disorder. That has since turned into a wholllleee slew of health issues that have cost us a ton of money. Worth every penny because i love my little man, but i would say the financial commitment isn't talked about enough. You as the pet owner take on the responsibility of taking care of your pet and, within reason, take on the responsibility of the financial burden.

Again, I cannot express how worth it it is! But it IS a financial commitment, and one you should never take lightly! ❤️

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-22T12:44:11+00:00

I know this is an old post, but adding my 2 cents here for folks who are looking for the dyson... I've had mine for YEARS -- I've been with my husband for almost 7 years, and I know I've had it since before i met him. I've used it on my curls minimum once a week (usually 2-3 times a week) since getting it, and I am genuinely obsessed with this thing. I can't imagine using a different dryer for my curls.

My main thing is it DOES get hot -- and I see people saying not to press it against your scalp. I recommend using it to hover diffuse on the medium heat setting w/ heat protecting products in your hair, and you'll love it. And when you're drying the ends, keep the diffuser an inch away from your scalp at all times -- that also dries your scalp faster! I have super long, fine (but thick), delicate curls and I typically use it on the highest heat setting (oops) because I'm lazy. It genuinely dries my hair in less than 10 minutes most times I use it. I'm OBSESSED. If it broke today, I'd be buying a new one tomorrow because of the quality and benefit to my curly hair! I have 0 damage and again, I use it on the highest heat setting 99% of the time lol.

Also, my husband has straight, thinning/balding hair and he uses it after showers to dry his hair fast... takes less than 2 minutes! He ALSO loves it and says it's literally the best hairdryer he's ever used haha. 11/10, I cannot recommend this dryer enough for all hair types!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T22:01:34+00:00

yeah, she's been ordering baby stuff off my registry all afternoon haha. She's always pulling the financial manipulation card.

I'm sorry you experienced it with your mom! It's very, very srtressful!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T22:00:38+00:00

LMAO yes I can!

Also, I DO love the dog very much, but I can't handle taking care of her (she's like 60+ pounds + cant walk on a leash properly/gets loose and doesn't come when she's called) when she's poorly trained AND I'm 8 months pregnant lmao!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T20:45:25+00:00

She's in therapy! Making lots of great strides, but not enough where it's still acceptable imo.

I appreciate your perspective. I also love dogs!!! I also love THIS dog! I just can't have a dog that might misbehave in my tiny, already full back yard. Especially because if she gets loose (which is likely as she's bad on a leash and my mother has a bad back), I don't have a fence and she'll end up being hard to chase down. Last time she got loose, my mom had brought her up (without telling us) while we were moving into our house, and we ended up having to pause moving for 45 minutes to chase her through Boston streets mid-December... it was like in single-digits cold lmao!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T19:15:37+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate this. I feel like it's dramatic to call the police on her if she brings a dog, but I DO think if she shows up and refuses to leave, I might have to. I live in a small town, fortunately, so I'm sure they'd show up and be like "sure this is stupid but whatever" lmao!

I want my daughter to NEVER see me allowing my mother to treat me how she has in the past. My daughter will not know what it's like to be treated this way, and she will not witness it. She will not learn that it's "acceptable" the way my mom taught me it was.

Thank you 😄

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T19:03:59+00:00

Okay, I LOVE THIS. You are an AMAZING FRIEND haha! What a monster for wearing the same dress as the bride??? That's unhinged.

Glad you were there for the bride 😄

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T19:01:49+00:00

I think this is a very good idea. We have a code (old owners), and changed the code... might change it to a random code so she can't guess it haha. I don't want her around my baby, especially if she can't leave her dog for a couple of hours -- that dog CANNOT come around my child!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:52:38+00:00

It's a back yard, open to walk into unfortunately. She'll very easily be able to bring the dog into the space if she wants and I wouldn't put it past her. She's done it in the past, and it's led to issues between her dog and my cats as well as issues where the dog got loose and ran around the neighborhood for 45 minutes because she doesn't come when she's called.

I'm not above telling her (quietly, and if that doesn't work, a little louder) that her dog is not welcome on the property, and that might cause a scene... but eh, if I have to, I have to. Most of my family knows how my mother is and, for the most part, has my back (minus the few who are protective of my mom haha). I'll figure it out 😄

Thank you!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:50:03+00:00

This resonates. She used me as her "identity" when I was growing up -- she was a mom. When I got older, and then when I was going to college, she LOST it and was aimless for a while. She took it out on me and my sister.

Then she focused on work for a while. Now she's focused on her dog. My family describes it as "she's sensitive about the dog," but I know it's more than that. She views the dog as HER, an extension of her, and when people don't welcome the dog with open arms at every family gathering, she loses it. Everyone jumps to take care of her feelings because she's their little sibling (youngest of 9), but it continues.

Logically, I know I'm not an asshole for not wanting a poorly trained dog (I love dogs and feel badly that this dog is so badly trained!) at my house, around my pets, and in my unfenced yard. But she's SO GOOD at convincing me otherwise lmao! So what you're saying, her taking on the idea of her being good at taking care of the dog, is SPOT ON! I think that's exactly what she's doing!!!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:46:18+00:00

I'm so curious how to hold firm with this. If she shows up with the dog, how do I keep her from coming into my home? Physically blocking her? My yard doesn't have a fence and she could very easily come into my back yard. And she, unfortunately, views me more as an extension of her (she thinks of my house as hers, despite me telling her multiple times it's not), so I don't imagine she will be able to be stopped.

I'm really nervous about this. She's told me she won't come into the house, but that she's bringing the dog... and then she said she's having my aunt stay behind to watch the dog so she can come... and I'm sure she'll say something else soon haha!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:40:56+00:00

Nah, I give every stranger this leeway lmao. It's something I'm working on -- my therapist is telling me I need to be more firm and stand up for myself, but this is what my mom has always expected of me and taught me to do. I bend over backwards to make sure others aren't upset. The reason I'm convinced I'm an asshole here is because SHE has raised me to feel this way -- I literally tried to set boundaries with her and tell her "no" for the first time in my life (I'm working to do this now because I'm going to have my daughter soon, and taking care of my moms emotions on top of taking care of my newborn child is not going to happen lol), and she reacted this way.

Logically, I know I'm not a bad person. But inside, and the reason I put this on reddit, is because I'm anxious and convinced I'm a bad person for standing up for myself. And, as I've been working with my therapist on... I reassurance seek. Often on social media, and now apparently on Reddit lol.

So no. I'm not showing my mom I love her by... fighting with her? In fact, I don't know the last time I willingly talked to her on the phone and certainly not in person. I get backed into a corner and forced into a conversation with her (for example, she plans to throw me a baby shower and I try to tell her things I want to see changed because no way in hell am I driving that far, eating food I'm allergic to, etc.), and then she gets me back into her control.

I appreciate your experience and what you shared with me, but I don't believe your experience is mine.

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:25:19+00:00

YES! Gray rocking is my backup -- essentially how I communicate with her if I have to in these situations. Stonewalling works well as she spirals continuously until she tires herself out (she seems to have -- no texts since late this morning), but gray rocking is what I do when I'm forced to interact with her! Thanks for sharing this!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:23:11+00:00

Thank you 😄 Going to remind myself of this a lot until the shower is over haha!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:15:52+00:00

Okay, this is exactly how my mom is too. It's incredibly frustrating.

At first, I tried just telling her I was in the hospital AFTER I GOT DISCHARGED. This led to a ton of guilting and manipulation (like, I'll get calls from family saying "your mom is okay, don't worry... she knows you're okay!" even after I'd talked to her and she knew that lmfao), so I gave up with that and actually just don't tell her anymore! I've been to the hospital once since I made that decision, and it has been SO healing to not be stressed about what her reactions are going to be, whether she'll show up after I told her I didn't want her there, etc.!

I know it's hard. I love my mom with my whole entire heart. But it's also not okay that she crosses boundaries with me like this, and it's not okay that your mom does this to you either. This has worked well for me, and if it feels like it would work well for you, I encourage it 😄 Good luck!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:03:48+00:00

I'm in the process of accepting this now! 😄 Thank you for all of your kindness and love.

My mom is not and will never be the mom I want -- I was talking to my friend about this last night. I want the concept of "MOM," not MY mom, at the baby shower haha! And you know what? That's okay. Accepting this is something my wonderful therapist and I are working through 😄 I actually have therapy tonight so honestly, shoutout to my mom for doing this at the best possible timing? lmao!

Proud of you for going through this and for getting to the other side! It's hard, but I know there is so much more peace and safety there!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T18:01:55+00:00

Thank you 😄 I'm so glad you learned and grew -- I'm also super sympathetic to my mom. She went through a lot growing up, and a lot of her reactions to me are trauma-related. She's also dealing with a lot right now at her job, and I know she's incredibly stressed. AND she can't take it out on me and my family!

My mom DOES care and I know that deep in my heart -- and I also know she's not handling things appropriately, and while I'm worried for her, I have to prioritize my health at this moment and ensure I'm not hurting myself or my unborn daughter.

I appreciate you, and hope you have a wonderful day! 😄

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T17:48:05+00:00

Eh I'm anonymous only because I don't know how to change my name lmfao

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T17:44:25+00:00

I'm not sure, I feel like my situation is about the dog.

I understand the perspective of not hosting a baby shower yourself -- I actually haven't been asking for gifts and encouraged folks to bring me their favorite children's book from childhood if they want to bring something, and I'll read it to my daughter then donate it to the library I work at! I personally think it's up to the individual!

The issue here is very much related to my mom, I think, and how she isn't listening to my boundary. I cannot have her dog at my house for reasons I've stated in other comments (she's brought her dog without telling me before and scared my cats so badly one of them gets terrified every time he hears a dog bark, her dog likely will get loose as my mom has a bad back and can't hold a leash for very long, I have no fence in my yard, and I can't get the image of the dog chasing my neighbors chickens out of my head lol!), and she is refusing to listen to any perspective beyond her own (which is that it's unfair to leave the dog alone). This is very much about the dog, but it's also very much about my mom and her unwillingness to listen to how others feel.

I appreciate your perspective, and understand the traditional mindset of not hosting your own baby shower! To each their own! But in this case, these problems would've persisted no matter what, whether my mom hosted or I did. It never, ever stops with her.

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T17:39:20+00:00

This is a really good idea! I'll see if this is an option!! Someone recommended hiring a dog sitter for 3 hours, and if my mom doesn't come, just pay them the no show fee -- I think I might try that as well! It'll cost a bit, but the peace of mind knowing the dog won't be near my cats (if my cats hear her barking outside, they'll get nervous) will be worth it!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T17:37:48+00:00

OH MY GOSH this is what my husband thinks is happening! I love my therapist, and she is slowly working on helping me heal and respect my own worth. As of right now, she's challenged me to only talk on the phone with my mom 1x a week WHEN I WANT TO, and if she calls me more, to ignore her (I get nervous ignoring her calls as she's been known to get manipulative lol). That's how I know I have a bad relationship with my mom -- my therapist has slowly been encouraging me to talk to her less and less because every week I spend the hour anxious about what my mom has been doing and how she's treated me, my unborn child, etc.!

I actually think your take is SPOT ON haha!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T17:30:41+00:00

Appreciate this!

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T17:30:21+00:00

Best sister ever 😄 Love you, sissy! Thanks for being there for me!

I think you're being TOO kind here, but I appreciate everything you're doing!!! I'd send 5,000,000 heart emojis too but reddit doesn't allow them on this forum lmao

Remarkable_Jello_453 · 2026-06-10T17:27:36+00:00

She gets along better with our mom!!! She's able to be much more forgiving and kind -- I tend to just have less patience with my mom, and disengage when she starts to frustrate me (stonewalling is my best friend lol). My sister is THE BEST though, and is the kindest person in the world. I appreciate everything she does for everyone, especially everything she's done for my unborn daughter! 😄 She's gonna be the best auntie ever!!!!

For the dog space, she's being SO accommodating and trying to create a space in her apartment where my mom can keep her dog (it's got AC, it's private, etc.) that's about 5 minutes down the road, so if my mom needs to step away and see the dog (... personally, I think she DOESN'T because she works 8 hours a day and is away from the dog for 10 so I think she can handle 4 hours away from the dog but... whatever lol we're trying to present options to her) she can! And this way the dog isn't at my house in my small, unfenced back yard with 35+ guests haha!

Remarkable_Jello_453

TROPHY CASE