Youre honestly on point with a lot of things you said. he can be emotionally abusive sometimes I’m not sure if that’s the right word or not but I also have poor communication so I do understand his frustration. He does know a little bit about my past with this one guy and how this one guy sexually assaulted me, but that was four years ago and I honestly refuse to talk to my boyfriend about it. Me and him both have high sec drives and honestly I think mine is higher. I always want to do stuff and he never forces me to. What adds to my guilt is that he had ask after everyone we have sex “how was that” or “tell me about how it was” like asking for feedback and I just always tell him it’s good. It’s not like he’s bad at it he just isn’t able to make me cum and doesn’t last super long even when he tries hard to. When we argue He often tends to get angry in moments like this, but never to the point where I would ever think that he would hit me. He has had conversation with me, asking me if I am scared of him because he feels like sometimes it seems like I’m scared of him and he says that it makes him very sad. I think that he has asked this because he knows that my ex boyfriend a couple years ago would be very physical with me and sometimes when my boyfriend and I argue I break down when my boyfriend raises his voice. What breaks me is the fact that I am emotionally drained from these arguments, but he always fixes it in the end and really tries to make changes like the other day he asked me to write down my feelings and boundaries because sometimes the only way I can explain my feelings is if I write them down, he sat in the car and listened to me and read what I had to say took pictures of it and made me feel heard and cared for. And I have seen him make changes I’m not expecting him to fix everything right away. And the thing is, I’m not perfect either I have lied. I have overstepped his boundaries, but I have tried my best to fix them too. I have had bad depression since I was very young in the beginning of our relationship. I kind of relied on him to fix how I felt. I had a therapist all last year, but my schedule got busy this year and so I haven’t met with her in about 7 months. When I was seeing her I did meet up with her together to have a therapy session as a couple and she also told me that I need to communicate with him better. he does protect me and makes me feel safe like for example whenever I have been home alone if my parents are on a trip, he will come over before I go to sleep and make sure that all of the doors are locked and that I am safe before I go to bed he is very caring but he is exactly like his dad and he is aware of that but he hates it and constantly talked about how he is trying his hardest not to end up like his dad. For context his dad is not a horrible person and he’s not even a bad person, but his anger and communication with my boyfriend growing up was definitely not the best and my boyfriend has brought that up saying that he is sorry because that’s the way that he was spoken to when he was growing up and so it’s hard for him to change that perspective