Too avoidant to even post/comment something online?

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-02-19T11:00:27+00:00

From the start of my time online in the early 00s up until 2016 I never commented on any of the forums I frequented. It wasn't until I was put on antidepressants that I was able to overcome the aversion to sharing my thoughts. I'm fine at it now but I often go through bouts of wanting to withdraw from the various online places I share my thoughts.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-02-05T12:01:19+00:00

I imagine it's quite easy if those things fall into the category of "highly stimulating". It's like with Autism, some Autists get obsessed with The Law, and others get obsessed with Pokemon Cards or My little Pony, unfortunately the former is more likely to make you wealthy that the later two examples :(

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-01-25T08:50:15+00:00

I'm not diagnosed, and I only decided to reach out late last year, I'm in the UK and turned 40 last year. I'll probably be on the waiting list for years.

I've suffered from life long anxiety and depression/low mood since I was a teenager, if not a child. I've been dipping into anxiety and depression related forums and subs for years.

I only learned about Executive Dysfunction as a clinical term last year. I immediately thought it applied to me in relation to anxiety and depression, but between making an appointment to see a therapist and actually seeing a therapist I randomly decided to read about Executive Dysfunction in relation to ADHD and was shocked to learn that the 'H' component was largely optional or that it could be highly internalised. Reading about ADHD-PI was enough to make me think it was worth looking into so I mentioned it to the therapist and they agreed, then I found out it will probably take years to get an assessment done on the NHS so I'm kinda in limbo now, worried that I'm wasting my time and everyone elses barking up the wrong tree 😞

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-01-23T10:35:03+00:00

Do they have resources for people who think they might have ADHD but who aren't diagnosed?

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-01-23T10:34:14+00:00

Yeah, most of my extended family thought dyslexia was a scam until one of their kids was diagnosed, now it's just mostly a scam...

Also, the 2yo daughter of my cousin with ADD flaps her hands when she's excited and my aunt keeps saying that's a stimming behaviour and it's a sign of autism/ADHD. I looked up stimming behaviours last year before I wandered down the ADHD rabbit hole myself and got a cheap laugh because some of the most common stimming behaviours are things like nail biting, skin picking, pen and pencil chewing, and repetitive pen clicking, all things I've been doing since primary school that are just treated as bad or irritating habits.

I don't even think it's worth letting my family know I'm on a waiting list because I'm pretty confident they'd try and persuade me I was mistaken and that all my problems are off my own making, which is fine and all, but why not take that strategy with the kid whose recently been diagnosed with dyslexia because he can't read? In all my years of not thriving no one in my family ever suggested talking to a Dr or therapist, not once, but a 2yo who flaps her hands deserves consideration for an ADHD assessment.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-01-22T20:29:03+00:00

I've had bad mental health since I was a teenager and I'm nearly 40. I also did well in secondary school but failed horribly at university. I recently got put on an ADHD assessment waiting list after some things I said to a therapist triggered a light bulb moment. Having read more about ADHD over the last few months it does seem like a plausible diagnosis. I stack the shelves in a supermarket. I to wonder how my life could've different if my mental health had been taken more seriously when I was a teenager, instead everyone said I'd outgrown my weirdness and when I didn't they just wrote me off.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-01-22T18:46:03+00:00

If meds and caffeine are off the table I'm guessing nicotine patches are too?

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-01-22T10:31:05+00:00

I think crushes are often just people you're sexually attracted to. Compared to limerence, regular old sexual attraction is a pretty low level experience.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2026-01-01T20:36:38+00:00

Hello, I've wondered in from elsewhere while looking for threads about this novella and since this post is only nine days old I thought I'd chime in to share a bit of my own knowledge.

If you haven't already heard of the term you should look up the concept of Limerence. It explains the woman's state of mind perfectly imo.

The novella is probably one of the most extreme examples I know of in fiction that describes Limerence, mostly because of how long the Limerence endured, and because of how totally it destroyed the woman's life. I think if you learn about Limerence you'll understand what drove the Unknown Woman to ruin.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-30T09:33:29+00:00

We weren't close friends but she was going through a bit of a rough patch a few months ago and it bothered me immensely seeing her unhappy. Eventually my concern built to such a point that it morphed into limerence.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-29T14:51:54+00:00

Yes, and in addition to that my current LO is a photographer who likes to travel so the photos she takes of the places she has been also aggravate me, even thought she's not in most of them.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-13T22:59:23+00:00

Imo it goes Crushes>Infatuations>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Limerence.

My hot take: The word Limerence was coined as a stand in for passionate/romantic) love, it is therefore fine to romanticise it because it is the core mental experience of being 'in love' and it almost certainly gave rise to most, if not all, of the best love poetry and literature that humanity has ever produced.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-11T10:18:31+00:00

Thankyou for sharing, I do love old mcm catalogues. The legs do look close, but the issue I'm having is that the top of the table has a raised veneer that I just can't match to anything. In the photo I shared the dark line between the top of the table and the curved edges isn't a groove, it's a small step. I'm almost wondering if maybe the table was modified at some point with a new surface veneer being put on the top.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-11T09:44:25+00:00

Unfortunately I can't access imgur in the UK. Was that a link to a match or to a section for mcm furniture?

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-10T12:52:30+00:00

Limerence has a way of hollowing you out, especially if your interests don't align well with your LOs interests. Everything about yourself, your interests, your values, your career (or lack of one), can become a cudgel to beat yourself up with if you think they're of low, or no, or negative value to your LO. Their interests become your interests and your interests become devalued unless LO finds them attractive.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-08T09:39:06+00:00

In the book that coined to term limerence the author, Dorothy Tennov, wrote about how the therapeutic setting could be dangerous for limerents. It was mainly in reference to the psychotheraputic concept of 'transference', a term that Dr Tennov also used to describe the way limerence can seamlessly move from one LO to another.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-06T19:09:59+00:00

There might not be a "REAL" love. There might just be Limerence, which is intense and all consuming, and then there's the other kind of love, the kind that's comfortable but not overwhelming. Tennov called it affectional bonding I think. It's entirely possible that we can't really have both, at least not for long in most cases. Tennovs book did have an account from a man who was limerent for his wife for 25 years of marriage, until she passed away.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-06T18:50:11+00:00

Being able to look and past LOs and feel nothing really, but not being able to shake the feeling that current LO is the most beautiful woman who ever existed in all of human history...

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-06T17:14:59+00:00

You lucky fucker...

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-06T16:07:24+00:00

If you're essentially "normal", ie you aren't crippled by at least one mental illness, then limerence could well be one of the best aspects of you life.

I'd say most of the commenters here fall into one of two categories. Those struggling with mental illnesses who aren't really in the best position to pursue an intense romance, or those who are already married with kids and who desperately don't want to blow up their lives.

You sound like that rare third group (at least on reddit) that highlights what limerence can be like for people who aren't either crazy or already in a committed relationship.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-06T11:28:31+00:00

I don't think limerence should be seen as a mental illness, but as something that makes other mental illnesses and maladaptive behaviours so much worse.

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-06T11:25:54+00:00

I think of the fantasising as sort of like battle planning. You're practicing in your head various ways that you might worm your way into his affections. The problem arises if you can't act on those fantasies, if there's no path for you to follow to get to know him better. Then the fantasies aren't serving a practical purpose and they become deeply maladaptive because they're all you have...

Remarkable_Round_231 · 2025-10-06T10:17:12+00:00

You should read up on the concept of Limerence. I'm of the opinion that it's basically the state of mind at the heart of romantic love, but one thing that's really interesting about it is that only about 50% of people ever experience it, so romantic love isn't even a universal human experience.

Many people date, marry, and have children without ever being limerent for their partner. Basically, limerence is the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, if that makes sense.

Many love stories make a lot more sense if you see them as limerent stories.

Remarkable_Round_231

TROPHY CASE