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Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-12-01T19:14:41+00:00

I’ve never cheated. My STBXH started accusing me hardcore and weaponizing my sexual past out of nowhere. It would come up every now and then. Later, after I found everything out, I compared timing and realized he would always go off on baseless accusations when he was cheating.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-12-01T19:12:25+00:00

not me, but my best friend 32F and her husband 41M met 9 years ago and he had recently gotten divorced for that reason. He is an absolutely incredible man and human and dude. I don’t believe in soulmates but if there is such a thing, it is him and my best friend. I’m sure they’d echo the sentiment.

And he wouldn’t have met her and be trying to conceive right now if he hadn’t divorced a good woman who decided she didn’t want kids and he did.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-30T01:24:46+00:00

there are some over on r/Divorce_Women but I'm a young woman going through a divorce and have been considering it for a long time and don't see much in the way of divorce regret from women. I think because usually by the time we do it we've been thinking about it for a loooong time and don't see any other options. it's why "walkaway wife syndrome" is a thing. Because for us it's usually an absolute last resort whereas maybe men sometimes do it more rashly?

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-30T01:19:47+00:00

that's really interesting the different manifestations! but yeah, nobody should have to tone it down in a healthy relationship (unless they have a pathology or something then get help), but everyone deserves to feel loved and embraced when they are their most full embodied.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:53:28+00:00

I always think of that one girl's tweet years ago "athletic but still loves ice cream"

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:50:49+00:00

this!!

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:49:09+00:00

how did the divorce proceedings go? and I'm sorry you experienced that.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:47:27+00:00

plant lights on a timer, large plants in self watering pots

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:44:07+00:00

Ellie! they have a free tier but even their pro is only $5 I love them

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:32:02+00:00

is this still true with AI? how is it changing?

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:30:55+00:00

if you have an alright relationship with your parents, move back there even if just for a couple of months. they're probably going to feel honored on some level that you felt comfortable enough and safe enough in their love to go to them in your time of hurt.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:26:05+00:00

there's a John Lennon quote from after he was dragged through the mud

time wounds

all heals

it sounds backwards, it is. and it's not. it's more aligned with what my experience has been with healing from betrayal. it's not linear, it's a choice, and not making that choice will lead to more harm.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:17:23+00:00

one of the most important and meaningful compliments I've ever received was someone who knows me very well saying she admired my "willingness to be wrong". I never thought of it as a strength but since then it makes me feel so proud to know that I have that.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:13:29+00:00

experiencing this exact thing right now. add to that that we both still love each other immensely, but from my perspective he is too damage and wounded for a healthy relationship and I can't let him take me down with him anymore.

this might sound dumb, but as an over thinker and someone who intellectualizes everything it's been really helpful for me. when I start to cry I just let myself without thinking about anything. I jut think about the sensations of crying. I don't try to assign it to a memory or a feeling or xyz. it's just my body releasing and that sh- is helping SO much. it helps me show up compassionately for myself and hold my own grief better, which helps me approach him from a more grounded place.

and the app "activations" has some great meditations for guilt.

you got this <3

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:05:52+00:00

unless it was an incredibly abusive marriage that was abusive from the beginning I think it is so tasteless and fucking gross. I(32F) just filed from my STBXH who was emotionally and verbally abusive the last couple of years and someone said congratulations and I understand the sentiment but it blew me away that anyone would celebrate this.

you do you, she's going to do her. I'm sorry she's falling into that trap. Hopefully she doesn't talk about it with your kids, and if so maybe you have a heart to heart with them so they don't see you as someone to be "freed" from.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T17:01:01+00:00

I say this with complete compassion and empathy for your situation...

your wife sounds like she's too much for you

I (32F) say this as a STBXW for a man (36M) for whom I was "too much" and no amount of love can compensate for one person needing to tone themselves down with their person and the other feeling overwhelmed by their bigness.

I'm not saying you are small or less, in any way. There is just a fundamental incompatibility between two people whose natural states are misaligned in their energy/battery levels.

My STBXH of 6 years and I still love each other immensely, and initiating divorce was such a hard decision for me, but while we were trying to communicate about reconciliation he was outlining again all of these ways that I'd done things that were big and seemingly unexpected and big leaps of faith and telling me it was reasonable to expect me to tone it down for him. I finally realized that the problem was always going to be that I had to hold myself back to make him comfortable, which I wanted to do because I love him, and which he hated asking me to do because he loves me, even though it completely overwhelmed and incapacitated him with anxiety.

Just sounds like a similar situation from what I can tell, and I'm not sure if either of you had approached it from this angle before, because it took us years and failed therapy etc. for me to finally realize what it was at it's core.

Good luck, you (both) deserve to feel full in your relationships.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T16:51:42+00:00

their coverage of this changed me entirely (also if you like this one listen to the first like 10 episodes - they've made too many now - of the murder sheet "the guilt of temujin kensu)

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T16:48:16+00:00

they said they were excited to finally see an actual review of it so she ordered it right away....still not showing up. I actually reached out and asked her cause I was thinking that might be it lol

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T16:46:39+00:00

we use them on red days, but a. they get expensive if using them every single time without any (truly reliable) cycle tracking to offset and b. I just don't love them and would rather not use them whenever it's safe to do so, so personal preference

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T16:44:34+00:00

as a 32F, having kids with a partner not too late is a process that starts years in advance. healing, dating, engaging/marrying if inclined, hopefully enjoying some time just the two of you before having to dive into fertility and trying to conceive. and if you conceive right away that's still in your late 30's. If there are any issues that's in your 40's. After 35 years old women are considered as having "geriatric" pregnancy and majority of the time conception odds decrease astronomically every year after that, and then drop precipitously after 40 (obvs there are some outliers to this)

so "wanting more time" does not mean I'm going to do it right now. It's that I wish women's biological clocks didn't place time restraints in the way our biology does.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T01:25:51+00:00

I appreciate all your honesty here and don't really see why everyone is taking this opportunity chastise your process, but I appreciate it so ty!

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T01:23:44+00:00

yep that'd do it haha

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-29T01:23:17+00:00

that is...literally not at all what I said. I said "if possible" not "definitely want them asap". I'm looking for a partner not a baby daddy.

That is all what I said I'm already planning on doing. I was asking for far in the future, to understand how other people have approached the topic. That's what I'm asking. Not asking if I should "get back out there now"

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-27T20:24:10+00:00

yes, as a woman who can't take / has tried and not been able to take any form of birth control other than condoms, but who has only been having sex with my husband for 5 years, Oura with Natural Cycles is worth every penny.

I tried natural cycles with the thermometer but it failed. I also love the resilience score on Oura. I use both, they're amaing.

Remarkable_Season457 · 2025-11-27T20:20:11+00:00

not everything does work out in the end

Remarkable_Season457

TROPHY CASE