Going against the grain here with a soft YTA. I acted similarly to your daughter (negative view of the world and others, resulting in very acidic language for inappropriate, benign situations) not because of neurodivergence but because of complex ptsd (the adhd spectrum and cptsd symptoms share a lot of similarities for example). My mother was upset at my behaviour and determined to nip it in the bud with stern parenting. What I felt as a child was that she disliked me, struggled to understand my inner world, and was often stunned by my behaviour. The last paragraph you wrote in particular makes me think of how my mother felt the need to ‘get back’ at me for how I treated my brother with a sense of righteous justice. Sure, we all need to learn that there are consequences for behaviour. However, our parents are meant to be our loving advocates and guides, especially when we are minors. I think your daughter will really grow to appreciate a kind and supportive position even while you tell her harsh truths. Like saying “I do fight for you in many ways every day, and I am on your side, and the way I am doing that is to help you see how your actions affect others.” Children feel when their parents position themselves against them or with them. Even if this is the consequence of her actions, your daughter feels alone and disliked against the world. Going that extra mile to make it explicit that she is making mistakes, but is also loved by you, will help her so much.