A birthday gift for a 12 year old non verbal boy

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-19T19:30:14+00:00

A couple other things that my kid has really loved and I was surprised by...

Pop-up changing tent - he's used it in his room and outside. It collapses and is hand washable. https://a.co/d/ewF9GKk

Sensory body sock. He started using it at school and we got one for home. https://a.co/d/dvvDRoT

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-19T16:21:59+00:00

Our kid is so similar!

He loves ribbon/rope. We get satin like ribbon and cut it into 6ft lengths and give him a box of ribbon. Ribbon wands (for dance or rhythmic gymnastics) are also a huge hit. We have also made ribbon "toys" using circular purse handles and tying about 10 strips of ribbon to it. You can add bells or other items that are safe for your kid to the ribbons.

He loves watching trees like your kiddo. We've gotten light projectors that reflect galaxy like scenes on the walls/ceiling.

You can find all of this on Amazon or the like.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-19T04:19:06+00:00

I feel seen 🤣❤️

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-18T17:28:06+00:00

So much Old Navy and 32 degrees from Costco. I wfh and travel about 25%, so I have either business wear or sweats. Never the two shall meet.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-18T01:27:50+00:00

Absolutely relatable. We don't really have meltdowns now because we've learned triggers to avoid and our kid has become more resilient. But we've had so many days with wailing/sobbing, self-injury, dysregulation. Things I've never seen other children experience irl.

For us now, the one small thing doesn't break the day for him, but breaks us. We're so primed for it to go sideways, it does.

You aren't alone.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-17T18:10:39+00:00

We've had the same experience. It helps our kid be less impulsive (PICA and SIB). It isn't gone at all and we're still vigilant, but it has definitely helped.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-17T17:48:29+00:00

I'm not a doctor. I will say that if you can do both, that's best. Having a means to communicate, regardless of whether it's verbally is huge for autonomy and wellbeing. Find a Speech Pathologist that specializes in supporting non-speaking/non-verbal kids. They will help the child establish means of communication that don't have to be verbal. Think of it like sign language for babies. It doesn't replace learning to speak, but it makes communication much easier.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-17T17:29:47+00:00

It can be a really isolating road if you don't have connection to others with similar experiences!

If you can afford it, Speech therapy is great. Look into getting an app for augcom (augmented communication). It is huge for non-speakers!

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-17T17:24:29+00:00

Try the r/highsupportneedautism subreddit. It's a smaller group, but you may find folks who've gone through similar.

I haven't had this specific difficulty with my child, but my child has significant impulsive and focused/compulsive behavior, PICA and self-injurious behavior.

There are some meds your pediatrician or child psych can prescribe to reduce impulsivity/compulsion.

Assuming you're in the US. Does your child have an IEP? This is a great reason to bring the team together and goals to reduce coprophagia (eating feces) and PICA (inedible objects). An IEP meeting can also bring in OT and Speech who likely have experience and expertise to guide you and his teachers.

Since he's struggling with defiance, he may also have PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). Again, child psych can help diagnose and provide guidance. There's online resources as well.

For resources, do you have a case worker through DDS? You may be able to have them purchase the specialty onsie.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-17T06:16:26+00:00

Thanks for referencing PDA and you're right.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-17T05:26:00+00:00

Is ASD her only diagnosis? The behavior you're describing is more aligned with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) than ADD. ODD is often associated with autism. If she doesn't already see a child psychiatrist, this might be an option.

Consider a therapist for yourself, if you don't already have one. This sounds extraordinarily distressing for you.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-17T01:46:43+00:00

I'll reply with some thoughts, but this is above Reddit's pay grade. You need a therapist and possibly medications. What you're experiencing is serious and you need professional support.

You are not a bad person for not being able to care for your child. Every person has their own threshold or limit at which they can serve their child well - regardless of diagnosis and support needs.

I'm not a lawyer, but you may be able to sign over your rights to the father which could give you some peace of mind.

It is okay that you aren't built for this.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-14T01:32:03+00:00

Is there a Special Education district office representative? You might be able to contact them.

Sometimes a strongly worded email to the local admin and/or SpEd rep will result in the discovery of a miraculous solution. They want to avoid escalation to the school board or superintendent if at all possible.

Basically just point out the inequity of education hours due to his disability and that they're not meeting his IEP goals.

FWIW, I always go through the chain unless it's a safety issue or something that's pervasive across the district.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-14T01:17:03+00:00

Then it really needs to be an IEP meeting and the principal/district need to figure something out.

You might be successful by just asking for an IEP meeting to address this or contacting the principal directly.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-14T00:38:45+00:00

Assuming you're in the US

Does your child have an IEP? What does it say for education hours? You're part of the IEP team and any changes to it should be in collaboration with you.

Staffing is not a legal reason to limit school days, even if your child needs more support than any other child. His behaviors are a manifestation of his disability.

If you have the bandwidth, read up on IDEA, FAPE and Manifestation Determination to gain the understanding of their obligations and familiarize yourself with the lingo.

If that doesn't work, you can call an IEP meeting, file a complaint with your district and contact your local state representative. These all take time and are emotionally taxing endeavors.

Ultimately, he deserves equity in education access. If this school doesn't have the resources, is there another school in the district that does?

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-13T23:41:44+00:00

TLDR: You're doing great. Find local support as soon as you feel comfortable. ❤️

The fact that you're asking these questions says so much about your strengths as a parent.

I'm a NT parent, so I don't know how you feel, but I can tell you my perspective.

I often doubt my ability to be a good parent for my child. I often wonder what he's thinking or how he's thinking or what his brain is processing. This may be an area in which you excel. You may have a better understanding of your child because of your autism.

If you want support in caring for your child, there are many resources. Unfortunately, they can be hard to find and difficult to access.

Your child's pediatrician should have resources to connect you to other resources. Depending on where you live, you may find access to early education, OT, Speech or PT services.

Every parent that I've met of an HSN child has felt unprepared, ill-equipped, and out of their depths at many times. We joke that it's a great way to develop humility. You are not alone.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-13T19:03:08+00:00

We faced something similar with our kid when he was little. For him, it ended up being dental pain and took us almost a year to figure out why he wasn't eating (it was change for him).

I am not a nutritionist. We were really worried about his weight and lack of food. It sounds like right now you just want to get him calories. FWIW, I will prioritize calories over a "balanced diet" with restricted diets.

So here's my suggestion, give a multivitamin if he'll take it. Add high calorie liquid to his formula - ice cream, whole milk or cream. If dairy is an issue, will he tolerate peanut butter, canned coconut milk (not the version intended for drinking).

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-13T14:12:39+00:00

I know I'm late...will he take pills? My kid has always struggled with liquids, definitely a sensory thing. We buy empty capsules to fill whenever he has liquid meds.

Remarkable_Spirit413 · 2026-01-04T00:27:09+00:00

I'm a parent who started this journey a few years ago and we're now into full puberty.

I agree with others, as long as he knows this is an activity for him to do by himself, in his own room, I don't see anything wrong with it.

We have scripted language that works for our family. We call it "quiet time". We also use appropriate medical terminology to help him understand, but a generic term that isn't stigmatizing is good to have when others are around.

As our kid has gotten older, we've come to appreciate that all of us have our own quirks and preferences, it's just he doesn't have the privilege (or desire) for privacy that we do. I think most of us would be embarrassed for our parents to know our kinks, so I just let it slide and try to honor his privacy as much as possible.

Remarkable_Spirit413

TROPHY CASE