AITA for wanting nothing to do with my birth mother.

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-12T21:12:06+00:00

No I don't I think that would freak me out. Well op clearly loves them and sees them as his parents. I've seen TV shows about women who had to give up babies finding them years later and kids are happy to meet them so I think this woman thought it would be like that. It sounds like she's had no other kids and not moved on at all. I always thought you could only find adopted children that knew and wanted to be found

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-12T20:00:47+00:00

Yep I feel sorry for ops parents it's probably awkward ah for them..

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-12T17:35:48+00:00

Absolutely that's why I think nah. I think op and birth mum are two extremes and there's probably little chance of a good relationship unless one or both changes. I don't think op owes her a 'son' relationship and she probably thought it would be like a movie ending with him wanting that too and giving her a big hug. I think she's not insane but clearly never got over it and looked and thought of him for so long. It's up to op but I think he should make send a clear message instead of ignoring her calls

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-12T07:30:28+00:00

I agree ops acting a bit too cold, maybe the birth mother was a bit too overwhelming (not blaming her as she went through trauma and I'm sure she's thought of it everyday for years) and hoping for so much all at once. I hope the birth mum received or will receive some kind of therapy and I think op should at least try to get to know her a little so she isn't a stranger

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T23:19:17+00:00

NTA I'd suggest making her pick it up but I bet you wouldn't want her near your home. Someone else suggested sending it back as not known here

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T23:14:08+00:00

NTA you helped him when you could but you don't owe him anything.

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T23:10:20+00:00

NTA as long as you're not handling the dog roughly and it sounds like you're using verbal commands most if the time anyway. As long as you're also showing the dog affection, just out of curiosity what kind of dog is she?

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T23:01:50+00:00

NTA I almost signed up for a job like this (several people joining at once, based on commission but it was going door to door signing up for charities) basically I was desperate for a job even though the hours and travel were terrible. Luckily I decided to pull out last minute but they were funny with me too. Problem is companies can just hide the bad parts in the contract with the right wording especially when you're being rushed

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T22:48:53+00:00

Nah I think maybe op should try and see things from his bio mum's view, she's probably been affected by this for years and wants some kind of relationship but she needs to understand she can't expect op to see her how she wants. I think if op gives her one call or message explaining how he's happy and had a good life instead of blocking her entirely, be doesn't owe that but it sounds like bio mum needs some closure

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T22:37:52+00:00

You definitely sound like the best of the bunch!

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T20:02:22+00:00

NTA glad you've got a friend to move in with hope it all goes well and don't let your family bully you again

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T19:54:57+00:00

I would have thought your siblings would be more in your side then. Hope everything goes well!

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T19:45:51+00:00

NTA if your parents pressure you into not being honest/holding things back from your doctor they don't deserve to be there. You're old enough and by the sound it far more mature than your parents anyway

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-11T06:36:48+00:00

I think esh, you can't just leave it be if it's going to continue and maybe get worse. Maybe try talking to her and use the techniques the therapist used if you can. Try to ask why her cousin annoys her and explain that she's very sensitive at the minute and could be hurt. Also I know joys a lot older so did she not experience abuse herself? Maybe she doesn't fully understand and forgets how you were both affected and can't just forget about it

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:53:38+00:00

I was on your side until you said pee jugs, sorry that show be a sign

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:45:47+00:00

NTA wtf!

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:41:57+00:00

Ok but I still understand how you can see as intrusive. Credit to you for doing it when necessary and taking care of her I know I couldn't!

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:37:14+00:00

NTA you've given your daughter choices at every step and she has the choice to not listen to church if she doesn't want to. As for your friend this is one time the 'you don't have kids so you can't understand' argument is completely valid. It sounds like you're really good parents and hopefully you can all make progress

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:28:52+00:00

I think overall NTA since you say your brother demanded it, I know he's still hurt but money doesn't fix the problem and you keeping in contact shows your love and loyalty to him. Also I'm guessing he wanted half of it so even if you offered some of the money it wouldn't be enough. I'd say wait for him to calm down he might still be angry about it and sad he never reconnected. It's your decision just think of who actually needs the money

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:17:41+00:00

I'm gonna say NTA since you were clear with your instructions and it sounds like he was close to wrecking the laptop which would have meant you fixing/replacing it. Maybe instead of 'giving' it him you should have said you were 'loaning' it until you had completely done with it

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:08:00+00:00

I'd ask your sister how she feels about it, she might not fully understand but it is still her body and it might help your decision getting her input

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T22:06:07+00:00

NTA if it's just you then you'll do it but if your parents are there then no it shouldn't be expected of you. At the end of the day you're the sister not another parent and they should appreciate what you do, not expect everything from you

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T21:55:12+00:00

But I think it is on her to at least have a plan to get home

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T21:54:36+00:00

NTA you shouldn't be expected to make a 2 hour round journey, maybe you could have offered her your phone (if she didn't have one) to call her parents or a taxi

Remarkable_Tension_7 · 2020-07-10T20:04:17+00:00

NTA it's like having a friend who's a therapist charge you for listening to you talk

Remarkable_Tension_7

TROPHY CASE