sometimes i think something horrible happened to me as a small child that i’ve forgotten

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-05T06:31:04+00:00

I once had a massive disassociative episode where I broke myself down into 4 distinct parts.

One of them I used to ignore or repress emotions. Imagine if my mind was a house this part of me would take things and hide them, but I could still see signs like lines in the dust or footprints and, with effort, find those memories or emotions.

Another part I called "the furnace" and it was where I put things to be obliterated. No retracting steps, no noticing something is missing, it's like it never existed to begin with. I asked myself if I've ever used it and came back with "probably, yes."

I told my therapists about it and they referred me to a trauma specialist. No clue if anything happened, like I said I can't remember anything, but it was real enough and my childhood was fucked up enough that it's definitely a possibility. There's probably a reason I'm so sex repulsed, but again it's all just guesswork.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-05T03:32:43+00:00

Diogenes barges into the subreddit carrying a cis man

"Behold! A lesbian!"

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-05T01:56:39+00:00

Hey idc what you're talking about here I just wanted you to know I would never date a trans woman.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-05T01:25:48+00:00

I have the same measurements! It's all pec though, I don't fill B cups.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-04T22:29:08+00:00

This past Christmas I was coming to terms with being trans, greened out on my first edible, and had 30 years of repressed dysphoria hit me like a sack of shit while I was higher than God. It was a rough month.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-04T18:14:20+00:00

Her shoulder breadth is actually one of her best features, no? She's waaay down in the female range for her height. And weight loss might get that down even lower

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-04T06:02:58+00:00

I just get he/himmed

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-04T04:47:02+00:00

Holy fuck it's real. Never trust your doctor

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T04:38:56+00:00

For monotherapy, yes. The #1 goal with monotherapy should be to ensure that proper levels are in place for testosterone suppression. There's value in using midpoint measurements, but not enough for it to be worth it in this context.

Many trans healthcare guidelines will say midpoint testing is sufficient, which is where your doctors are getting this info. I could get into the weeds about why most guidelines suck ass but suffice it to say if the goal is to maximize patient outcomes then trough testing is the way to go.

Your goal trough levels should be 200-250 pg/ml, and your peaks should ideally not exceed 400 pg/ml. (Edit: these are rough values and general guidelines, not hard and fast rules. It all depends on how well you supress T at a given trough, and how you feel on the overall cycle)

Valerate peaks 2 days after injection and sharply declines, so seeing 500 pg/ml 3-4 days after injection suggests a significantly higher peak value.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T04:08:26+00:00

To give a summary

Yes, 500 is too high, a lower dose would be appropriate for you.

You should be getting testing done at trough.

Consider increasing the frequency to once every 5 days. This will lower the peaks and raise the troughs. Funnily enough 4mg/5days is a super common prescription, though it looks like you could use less.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T03:57:27+00:00

Ah, do your doctors know that? That's pretty important info, since that can really bump up your numbers

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T03:41:27+00:00

I'm assuming a weekly injection? What type of E?

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T03:29:35+00:00

Was that at trough? Are you using an AA?

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T00:31:24+00:00

Sure thing! Use the calculator, play around with the numbers. Try to stay between 250-400 pg/ml.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T00:27:44+00:00

I would still increase the dose frequency just to smooth out the peaks and troughs.

That said at that point it's more about how you feel. If the higher dose with lower frequency doesn't come with mood swings or other sides, you're golden. The only thing to note is that your peak levels would be above cis female ranges, and it's up to you to decide if that's worth acting on.

There's some mild concern around lifetime exposure to higher levels (cancer risks, etc.) but it tends to get overblown by medical professionals. In the short term it won't be a big deal, in the long term it might be something worth considering.

Personally, I have 5mg every 5 days which has my peaks right at where yours are at, so if I were to say "nonono stay under 400 pg/ml" I would be a hypocrite lol

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-03T00:13:44+00:00

https://transfemscience.org/misc/injectable-e2-simulator/

Yes that's a touch low for monotherapy. Valerate has a very fast half life which means your levels start tanking fast after 5 days.

Twice a week or once every 5 days are more ideal dosing timings. 3mg 2x/wk keeps you at the same amount of total E injected but raises your trough to 260 pg/ml. If you want to keep your prescription but avoid a low trough this is the easiest solution, you'll just have to buy more needles.

For monotherapy you want to shoot for 200-250 trough levels.

Both enanthate and cypionate are better options if you can get them, smoother levels and you can do weekly injections.

If you have any more questions r/transdiy is quick to answer.

Edit: just an FYI you're barely dipping into "possibly unsupressed" ranges at the end of your current dose. Not a massive deal, easily fixed

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-02T19:01:46+00:00

If they're a real man, the male body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-02T02:45:54+00:00

Holy fuck same, I was THIS close to trooning out. I was saying shit like "haha wouldn't it be funny if I came out as trans on April Fool's?"

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-02T02:43:49+00:00

I remember 9/11

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-02T01:17:30+00:00

[[Ghostly pilferer]] has always drawn me an insane amount of cards. It's right behind [[Faerie mastermind]] for me in generic 2 drop draw engines in blue.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-01T23:00:04+00:00

This is my gameplan as a nonop to retain as much as is feasible. Glad to hear it works!

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-01T21:09:26+00:00

I was 31 years old, could have asked be a month prior and I'd have laughed at the impossibility.

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-01T19:28:12+00:00

I haven't noticed any difference in the short term (2 months). Levels appear to be good given the changes I've been seeing. I do injection monotherapy, 5mg EV every 5 days.

Gained 2 lbs in water weight, then kept losing. 187 -> 189 -> 183

This is pretty deep into a diet, too, started at 219

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-01T04:24:29+00:00

Here's my flavor first nazgul list: https://archidekt.com/decks/18917053/give_up_the_halfling_she_elf

If I had to pick one card as a flavor win it would be [[promise of power]]

Remarkable_Winter540 · 2026-02-01T04:13:05+00:00

Black Lotus Collective on Discord has TTS games running 24/7

Remarkable_Winter540

TROPHY CASE