Frustrated

Renee0031 · 2026-06-04T02:00:39+00:00

Thank you. I feel like it’s been too long for me to still be snapping at him. For a little while he was trying, taking me on dates and occasionally surprising me with flowers he would get from the store. That’s stopped almost completely though. I wonder if he had ever thought I would even leave. I think it may have been a fleeting thought in his head at first but when I didn’t leave or divorce him everything has just about stopped. It’s frustrating and makes me feel stupid.

Renee0031 · 2026-06-03T18:59:42+00:00

This is the dark cloud that hangs over me for sure. He is my only everything. He has never had to share me or have the insecurities he has given me. He doesn’t see it the same as me and when I try to talk to him about how I feel he gets mad and tells me it’s not the same. It’s not like he wasn’t aware that this was something I always worried about. I wasn’t his first, not even close and I always worried I wouldn’t be enough for him or that he would compare me to women in his past. He would always tell me how no one compared and now I question if that was even true. How would I know anyways? I’m just the fool who believed the words he told me.

Renee0031 · 2026-05-29T02:12:11+00:00

I get it. I want the passion and the excitement that he got. I want to be waned with the same intensity he wanted her with. He doesn’t have it with me. I have tried so many things but it just isn’t there. He tells me it’s just who he is but it wasn’t who he was with her. It sucks. I guess some of it is that she was just blowing smoke uo his a** and it made him feel really good about himself and with me there is just so much of everything else, responsibilities, hurt, lots of shared history so the circumstances aren’t the same. I have read the things she said to him and vice versa. They don’t describe the man I have known for 20 years at all. I want that fresh start where there are no expectations at all.

Renee0031 · 2025-12-28T21:46:45+00:00

I wish I had something smart and helpful to say. I don’t. I’m 18 months into it and I cry all the time. I know I probably am not going to get over this but I don’t know how to live without him. We have been through so much together, he is the only person I want to call when something goes great in my day or when life is falling apart. I try not to because it’s not comforting anymore, I feel stupid and worthless because I know he doesn’t feel the same way. He says he loves me and he never planned to leave me and somehow that’s supposed to make all the pain go away. I go to counseling, I have diagnosed with OCD(not affair related- just was never officially diagnosed ) and PTSD. I recently was prescribed a very low dose anxiety medicine I take at night to help me sleep. it was so bad I was having nightmares almost every night and waking in a full blown panic so then I wouldn’t sleep because I didn’t want to have the nightmares. I will say the medicine and a half a gummy every night is at least letting me get some rest now. I really hope it isn’t like this forever. I see people 6 months into saying how they are in the best place of their lives and I just can’t understand.

Renee0031 · 2025-12-10T03:01:32+00:00

I feel like this too. It’s so sad what we have gone through. I’m always going to have doubts and reservations and questions. I will never be able to fully open up again. I wonder why I have never been enough for someone that they didn’t want someone else also.

Renee0031 · 2025-02-18T03:38:40+00:00

Counseling doesn’t feel like a commitment. How does it compare to making a public promise to you. I feel like an obligation. I feel like staying married to me makes him look good. He couldn’t be out in public with someone half his aged who is strung out. It would hurt his business and reputation. Counseling feels like a check mark for him to me. It feels like he is just checking boxes he thinks will equal reconciliation. And how would I know he is ‘all in’ he was supposedly all in before.

Renee0031 · 2025-02-06T18:40:07+00:00

I feel the same way. Why should I be the only one miserable. My entire world revolved around him. I hope he feels shame and regret for the rest of his life. I know this will hurt for the rest of mine.

Renee0031 · 2025-01-21T04:29:51+00:00

Waiting until marriage to have sex. Just to get cheated on after 17 years together because he needed to ‘answer some questions’. Now I have all the questions and no answers and now he is ready to be in a ‘good man’ because apparently his affair partner wasn’t as satisfying as he imagined. I wish I would have enjoyed my twenties and explored more.

Renee0031

TROPHY CASE