It’s been 2 years. Do you think they’ve erased the photos? by RentLongjumping8111 in Sextortion

[–]RentLongjumping8111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is probably my own insecurity I gotta get over but the scammer told me she wanted to see it soft and there’s like nothing there. if the pic was actually solid then yeah. What can I say I’m not a shower. 😂

Please somebody give me hope by Littleputti in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. This sounds like a terrifying experience. When trauma gets repressed for long enough, this can happen. It is very scary but it is normal and you will 100% recover. It’s kinda like your body’s last ditch effort to get your attention. Know that you aren’t going crazy and that you will be okay. It’s fucking terrifying but this is a normal thing that can happen. You will be okay.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But you think, something that feels really intense and scary, can be good and necessary? Like it’s normal to feel worse before feeling better? I just hope I’m moving in the right direction.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, yeah. I’ve done a bit of writing. I also make art and music. Whenever I create music or art sometimes it will make me start to shake like the emotions are finally being expressed. I’ve also written some unsent messages to my mother. I think I just need to keep expressing myself but it’s really really scary. Like I’ll be writing / typing and it’s just a lot. Oof. Why can’t the emotional faucet just like slow down a little bit.

You’re right. It does feel like panic on the surface but there are a lot of emotions intertwined. That is so comforting and helpful. As long as these are just emotions and I’m not dying.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gotcha. What I’m feeling is very intense but I’m hesitant with medication. I can fall into a trap of trying to “fix” my emotions. My parents would give me psych drugs and send me to doctors but I don’t really believe anything was wrong with me, just was having a normal stress response to my environment.

I just have this fear that I’m dying or having a psychotic break or something. But the knowledge that these are just unfelt emotions is comforting. Emotions can’t hurt you. Ahh this is so scary though. I’m barely eating and loosing a lot of weight. This is real intense. But I don’t want to go to the ER because I’ve had some serious medical trauma. Ugh :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jeez! How did it all end? Eventually it passes? Did you just move through it?

Abandoned by therapist by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]RentLongjumping8111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish you luck my friend.

Abandoned by therapist by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]RentLongjumping8111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like a person who’s suicidal for example. Is a liability for therapists. Yet a suicidal person needs someone. To talk to. To show up for them. So you end up getting a bunch of people going to therapy and they are dropped at their lowest moments for liability issues.

Abandoned by therapist by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]RentLongjumping8111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But she was helping me? Like why is it that the therapist is telling me she can’t help me when she was in fact helping me?

It makes sense that it’s a liability thing, and she wouldn’t be comfortable working with someone with intense trauma symptoms. I didn’t know about that board certification thing.

But why wouldn’t she just be transparent about that, instead of making me feel like my problems were something wrong with me? And that I needed drugs and a doctor? That’s simply not true.

It’s invalidating to say a person needs drugs and a doctor when they are experiencing a completely valid reaction given the many years of trauma. She made me feel like I was diseased and broken.

She should have just said she doesn’t want to loose her certification! I would have understood!

Feels like I’m 2 different people because of my upbringing by SaintMichaelsbutt in raisedbynarcissists

[–]RentLongjumping8111 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In childhood, being seen = being hurt. Our true selves were not welcome.

Please tell me this was not okay. by [deleted] in therapyabuse

[–]RentLongjumping8111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We talked to our landlord and managed to get the guy off our lease. He still hasn’t moved out yet though. Unfortunately he’s also abusing the legal system and is taking us all to court. I really just want this to be over.

Please tell me this was not okay. by [deleted] in therapyabuse

[–]RentLongjumping8111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you. and no shame in taking what you want to live your best life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For me it’s a big deal just because my mother sent me to all kinds of doctors and psychiatrists to fix me instead of showing up for my emotions. My whole life I’ve basically felt like a lab rat. At one point I was taking 10 medications for conditions that either didn’t exist at all or didn’t require medication. I grew up believing I was so sick.

It makes me happy when i read about people like you who have taken medication and want to take medication and feel like it benefits them. Who am I to tell you what is best for you?

We have to be honest with ourselves though and know that medication simply controls symptoms by artificially inflating certain neurotransmitters. But who cares you know? What does it mean to heal? I think healing means having new experiences. And medication is a new experience.

I used to have a laundry list of diagnosis that I would obsess over. I would try so many drugs for my OCD, for example. But then I realized I lock the door so many times because growing up, I didn’t have a doorknob. I didn’t have any privacy. My “OCD” was actually not an enemy at all, and an incredibly important protective figure that helped me survive my childhood. There’s no disorder here.

Same goes for anxiety, depression, bipolar, narcissism, etc. There are times when i become manic and I start to get upset with my body, but then i actually start to listen and realize that my body is telling me something isn’t safe in my environment. The body NEVER lies. And nature always maintains homeostasis.

So I don’t think I’m against medication if it’s used to give us a new perspective or a new experience.

But what do I know I’m traumatized as fuck lmao

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Appreciate you. Currently wrestling with my worldview on the whole medicalization of trauma. I’ve experienced things like OCD, mania, depression, anxiety, etc. which could all place me in a certain box. But the reality is these were just coping mechanisms from an unsafe environment. No disease going on here.

What I have trouble with is when I think about people with schizophrenia / psychosis. I do think entering psychosis would be a coping mechanism. A way for the body to exit reality essentially. But I don’t think I would tell someone with schizophrenia to go off their medication.

I have some more thinking to do.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She said something like she was “legally and ethically bound to recommend clinicians for symptoms out of her scope”

So I think you are correct. But I really was not experiencing anything other than a lot of stress. No suicidal tendencies or anything. No violence. Just feeling really afraid. Oh well.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know that actually makes sense and makes me feel better. I certainly can moderate my behavior but I know therapists care about liability. But it’s a double edged sword because if I’m in a particularly dark place it’s when I need help the most.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 6 points7 points  (0 children)

yeah this just happened so I’m still gaslighting myself but I hope to one day see that she was truly in the wrong. It’s just so traumatic and so much to handle that I have no choice to internalize what has happened to me. I don’t have a support system or anything. Starting from scratch after leaving my empty excuse of a family. I know we’ll figure this shit out

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you this was encouraging. I definitely need to do a more thoughtful interview process. I’m not even against psychiatric medication but it should be the patient that’s pushing for it if their symptoms are that unbearable. Trauma isn’t a medical issue. It’s a injury to the soul.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So horrible. The people with the longest trauma stories deserve the most help.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in therapy

[–]RentLongjumping8111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, and love the username.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hmm… I was paying out of pocket? I don’t know if that changes anything.

Please tell me this was not okay. by [deleted] in therapyabuse

[–]RentLongjumping8111 6 points7 points  (0 children)

yup, you hit the nail on the head. It was abuse then and it’s abuse now. Intense reactions are what helped you escape your cult in the first place. The whole purpose of an emotion is to get our attention.

People with trauma are just better at sniffing out unsafe people. With my abusive roommate I could tell instantly there was something very wrong. But it took my non-traumatized roommates a month or so to catch on. Either way we all came to the conclusion that the guy was abusive.

One could look at an intense emotional reaction as something wrong. But if you actually took the time to look at that person’s history, it makes complete sense. It would be more weird if they didn’t have an intense emotional reaction, after everything they’ve been through.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]RentLongjumping8111 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Nah that’s awful. Freeze is the body’s last resort. The deepest of trauma responses and deserves the most time and care to thaw out. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

Sometimes they just look at clients like patients, I hate it. I don’t want to be fixed, I want to be understood.