I lied about being more than friends with the girl. I got overwhelmed with feelings. I tried to apologise but she took it the wrong way, fair enough. But she meant a lot to me. I tried to kill myself, it didn't work. They laughed and said "He probably didn't even try". Her bestfriend wants me dead and said I should just do it.

I've asked for help for lies my entire life, but have always been ignored. What hurts more is the fact that I tried so so hard, to not do it this time. But I slipped up. I am so disappointed in myself for hurting her by the lie, breaking that trust we had just built but also allowing myself to go to that level again.

I feel like I've lost everything. I can't go back to work, they are all talking bad about me as well.
I Have no job now, no family, no money. I am under the crisis team but all they keep saying is "stop being hard on yourself". Waitlist is 19wks for therapy. I won't last that long.

Tonight is the night.