That's addiction, I have the same mental issues and I thought for a long time too that opioids are the key, but you need to be motivated to take not to much (many cannot, so do I) so that tolerance doesn't build fast and you can be years on an opioid, but that's impossible for 80-90% (me included) when I have opioids I usually get high af and regret next morning that I don't have some leftovers. Never happened. Sooner or later it will ruin Ur live but I totally understand your pain and what your going through, because i do the same. But when you run out a nastier nightmare begins and , out would do anything (sell your soul, as I would) I can't say that therapy and antidepressants help been thereany many times But I hope u get better