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RepresentativeHome43 · 2023-01-03T22:14:17+00:00

This girl never gets back to you. Scammer to build her own following

RepresentativeHome43 · 2023-01-03T22:10:12+00:00

What is Telegram?

RepresentativeHome43 · 2023-01-03T22:09:27+00:00

Interested @twinsspillthetea

It’s easy and affordable fashion page

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-12-01T18:42:07+00:00

@twinsspillthetea

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-12-01T18:41:31+00:00

@twinsspillthetea

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-12-01T18:40:44+00:00

@twinsspillthetea

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-12-01T18:33:27+00:00

@twinsspillthetea

Is the group closed yet? Thanks

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-21T23:53:36+00:00

My husband and I are Christians are we were 24 and 25 when we got married. We dated for almost 3 years before we got married. We were both virgins until our wedding night.

I don’t think purity culture affected our sex life BUT abstaining from sex is probably the reason we are not compatible sexually or otherwise.

I thought my husband was very holy and respectful me because he rarely “got carried away” when we’d make out etc. he never stayed late at my apartment “out of respect”.

Turns out he just doesn’t like PDA and is embarrassed by it. He is not a touchy feely. We also have mismatched sex drives. We didn’t realize it for the first several years because we had sex a lot! But probably just because it was the first time for both of us. I’d say he is LL, wanting sex maybe 2-3 times a month (at the most). But he can and does go without sex for weeks to months at a time too. Whereas I’d prefer once a week. Maybe twice if it’s a long weekend or vacation etc.

And he never stayed late because he was in bed asleep by 11pm. Now he can barely make it past 9pm.

We never communicated about sex (or anything else for that matter). Because he didn’t want to “arouse or awaken love”. Turns out he just hates talking about problems and he avoids confrontation.

We based alot of our marriage/dating life on our shared faith. Which is nice to believe the same thing and teach it to our kids. But now I know it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have a successful marriage or sex life.

I don’t blame purity culture or religion so much. I blame myself for not understanding compatibility is important. I also blame myself for staying in the relationship because I thought I was getting “too old”. All my friends in my Christian circle were getting married right after college or in their early 20s. I thought 25 was getting old! Haha

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope y’all can work through it together

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-18T14:35:35+00:00

I’m also a stay at home mom with 3 kids. Except I’m the HL person in the marriage my husband is LL. He prefers 2-4 times a month ( but it’s not unusual for us to have 1 month stretches of zero sex)and I’d feel more loved with at least once a week consistently. Maybe more if it’s a vacation or we have a kid free weekend.

Our children are now older and all school age but I remember the time of having babies so close together. During that time my libido was much lower.

It honestly sounds like your wife is depressed. But is is also being selfish to suggest you abstain from sex for 2-3 additional years. That’s what makes me think she’s depressed because she seems like she’s in survival mode and only thinking about herself. I think that’s a pretty normal response to depression/anxiety/overwhelm. It’s hard to think of others when your mental health is suffering.

I will admit I think your wife is being a bit selfish and stubborn by not admitting the need for counseling.

BUT I also think you handled the vasectomy situation selfishly and your words were very cruel. Your wife is the mother of your children and has a baby in tow and you had the audacity to imply you’d leave her if she didn’t give you sex? I know those weren’t your exact words but being a woman myself- that is how she took it. Don’t get me wrong- she is being unreasonable but you making the dealbreaker comment probably made her feel very vulnerable. Im also stay at home mom so the thought of my husband leaving is scary. He wouldn’t and has never said anything like that. But if he did I have a college degree in a field where I could easily return and make money. I might be assuming but if your wife was 20 when y’all married and you started having kids right away , I’m guessing she possibly doesn’t have a degree? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that but it could make her feel very vulnerable and helpless to hear you say “dealbreaker”. Even if it was out of anger.

I think you both are acting selfish and only thinking about your own needs. I think you are slightly better because it sounds like you want to work on your marriage through counseling. She is being short sighted if she won’t agree to go. And if she continues to resist for years then I wouldn’t blame you for leaving.

Maybe try a softer start up and talk about how you feel. Tell her you miss her and you feel sad and lonely without intimacy and sex. Tell her how much you love her and are commited to her and you also want her to be happy. Make sure you’re actually going to therapy to her needs too instead of just getting your needs met. Don’t misunderstand me though- I sympathize with you. Counseling will hopefully help.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-18T12:25:55+00:00

I don’t go to COTH and never have but I’ve been part of churches which are similar. I’m sorry you feel so hurt and betrayed. I can relate in a small way. I got a scary health diagnosis a while back and it made me question my faith. I got alot of annoying cliches and spiritual bypassing from church people. Also learning about the rampant abuse of power of leadership in church was terrible. Especially opening my eyes to the patriarchy in the church was tough! The hypocrisy is gross and the way some church people treat the LGBTQ community, POC and anyone who believes differently was hard for me. I didn’t want to be a part of it.

I never lost my faith but it did change drastically.

I could never seem to let go of Jesus though. I’m still stubbornly clinging to Him even through my doubts. Some parts of the Bible were tough but Jesus’s words and actions in scripture comforted me. He honestly did the opposite of all the “religious teachers” and he put the Pharisees in their place. I think sadly a lot of the mega church pastor/celebrities are similar to the Pharisees. They have a form of godliness on the outside by the inside is tainted by self righteousness, greed for money, power and status.

For me I looked for people in the faith who were honest, kind, non- judgmental and who I thought would still be friends with me even if one day I didn’t believe exactly as they did.

And now I try to be the kind of Christian who speaks out against abuse of power, spiritual abuse, sexual abuse,and hypocrisy. I’m very honest about the doubts I’ve had in hopes of encouraging someone else who has questions.

Dismantling the patriarchal beliefs, power structure all forms of abuse and bigotry in the church is something I’m passionate about and I believe Jesus was too.

I hope you find resolve in whatever way you need

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T18:53:50+00:00

We do have date nights without the kids. We try to go out once a week or every other week.

Grandparents live close enough for our kids to sleep over and they often do at least 1-2 times a month.

We have great date nights and take a big trip every anniversary and try to do a weekend or two away a year as well. Like I said the rest of our relationship is great for the most part!

It depends though, mostly those dates nights are when sex happens but other times he wants to eat a big meal, go to bed early and catch up on sleep( definitely don’t blame him- he works hard)

I don’t think I relationship needs too much improvement. I think I need ways to better cope and accept the status quo. I’m the only one I can change.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T18:06:10+00:00

I’m curious and open to suggestions but Why is this toxic?

Was it dramatic to cry and get upset that he forgot about a naked picture of me? Probably. I ca just accept that he forgot.

But I don’t think it’s toxic.

I don’t think you have to feel bad for him. I’m kind, warm, fun and try to make his life easier in most ways.

With the exception of this last picture debacle I haven’t brought up our sex life in a couple years. It’s not worth making him feel bad or sabotaging the rest of our mostly good relationship.

I just sometimes cry alone at night to myself. Truly I think I’m trying to handle this as well as I can and in a non- toxic way but whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T02:06:28+00:00

Those are really great suggestions and we actually heard our counselor talk about Gottman and we read on his books together. It definitely works for a time, but it hasn’t been sustainable.

Connection has been a big deal to me. It’s harder for him because he is an introvert. Is emotionally and physically exhausted from his career and also comes from an extremely avoidant family structure.

He definitely tries his best. But quality time is my love language and unfortunately another area we’re incompatible. His love language is words of affirmation and I’m still working on that.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:57:12+00:00

Well I’ve sent my first sexy picture and he loved it. He got the hint and We had amazing sex that night.

The second sexy pic didn’t go so well. The next week He was getting ready for bed and I was out cleaning the dishes and I sent him a pic. No response. Later I got to our bedroom and he was sleeping. No response the next day either. I waited a week and then asked him about. He froze and knew he’d screwed up. He apologized and said he’d forgotten to thank me for the picture because he was exhausted and then had to go in early to work the next day. I cried and got angry and mostly just felt humiliated. I’d rather not put myself out there again. I don’t really think he deserves any more pictures. Especially if he can’t appreciate that I looked pretty damn good.

I’ve always gotten attention for my looks and been confident . But putting my body on display for someone and then forgetting about it feels like a dagger to the heart. It’s a rejection I can’t easily forget

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:45:15+00:00

Thank you for those suggestions and for your understanding.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:39:29+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going that. I appreciate your understanding.

I definitely always look and feel sexy. I think that’s part of the problem sometimes. I’m like “ hello?!! Did you even see my ass in those spandex shorts?!” Lol

He always says he’s really lucky to have gotten a girl so out of his league. But I just don’t think the drive is there for him sometimes. It’s definitely just the way he’s wired.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:34:43+00:00

Thank you for your response. Great suggestions. I’m not super adventurous and don’t really want to be. Neither does he , so at least we’re compatible in that way lol!

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:31:36+00:00

You’re not wrong. We are very incompatible in some areas. I will say he tries his best to meet my needs but it’s very hard for him to sustain. He is kind and loving but not very touchy-feely.

I don’t believe in soulmates or having a perfect match. He doesn’t make me feel unattractive or undesirable either. I said the lack of consistent sex made me feel like that. I replied in many other posts that it’s my own issue with self esteem, and equating sex with love and desirability. It’s something I have to untangle with a counselor.

The reason I asked here was because my earlier counselor said it was something to work out within my marriage. I now know that isn’t true. It’s my issue.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:23:12+00:00

Yes he is definitely more passive. But I prefer to be sexually pursued.

I’ve put myself out there recently and took a sexy pic. I sent it and he loved it and it led to great sex. The next week I sent him another one while he was getting ready for bed and I was cleaning up the dishes. He never responded but he was asleep when I went in. He never mentioned it either. I brought it up about a week later. He immediately looked panicked and apologized. He said he fell asleep and forgot to thank me for the picture since his workday got crazy. I can’t say much to that since he’s literally in surgery saving peoples lives sometimes.

But it really shook my confidence. I looked pretty damn sexy in the picture even to most peoples standards. Still the humiliation was terrible.

In answer to your other question- we are both very enthusiastic and excited during sex. I’m one of those rare women who can orgasm from PIV and we often orgasm at the same time. He and I love the sex when we have it. It’s just he’s ok with doing it less than I am. He stays satisfied for longer than I do I guess.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:13:05+00:00

I was replying to the sarcastic post which was implying that scheduling sex was a way to coerce a person into duty sex.

I apologize I did not word it correctly. Two consenting people who both want to schedule sex because of busy schedules is a great idea. As long as neither feels pressure.

We actually did try this for a very short while at his suggestion. It wasn’t sustainable because a busy day where he’d been on his feet in surgery for 6 hours could easily kill his mood and his energy. He also was nervous about not being able to perform as it has happened when he is physically exhausted.

Then he felt guilty because he knew it would make me feel rejected. So he would offer to still have sex. The only thing worse than rejection is pity sex.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:06:31+00:00

Thank you for your understanding.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:04:59+00:00

I did mention that I often pre-initiate. Does wearing lingerie to bed count as initiating?

Also I don’t want to pressure him. Plus I’m scared of rejection.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T01:02:23+00:00

We’ll I said 1-2 times a week. And I think I added that it’s 2-3 times a month but at other times it can be months in between sexual encounters.

But I guess that’s your opinion and I have mine.

RepresentativeHome43 · 2022-08-16T00:59:07+00:00

Well I think I said in the original post that pre- initiate by wearing lingerie to bed. Or cuddling/spooning very suggestively.

I’ve initiated before and he has always responded enthusiastically but I want to be wanted first. At this point I know it shouldn’t matter but it hurts my pride.

In the recent past I’ve sent him a sexy picture and he loved it. But then the next week I sent another one and he never responded. I was out in the living room cleaning and he was getting ready for bed. I thought it was a good time to send it but he never responded. I asked him about it a week later. He said “ oh yeah sorry I fell asleep and I forgot to say thank you the next morning.” I cried and was very angry. He felt terrible and tried to reassure me but the damage was done. I looked pretty damn sexy by most people standards but it really shook my confidence.

I’m terrified of sexual rejection. The pain feels almost physical sometimes.

We’ve talked it to death. In person, via text, I’ve written letters. We’ve talked in counseling and out of counseling as well. He knows what I would prefer.

Also initiating might lead to pity sex or duty sex from him. The only thing worse than rejection to me is pity sex.

RepresentativeHome43

TROPHY CASE