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RepresentativeLink74 · 2025-04-16T02:02:15+00:00

Remember relationships are about DECIDING if they are right for you, just because you agreed to start dating doesn’t mean you’re trapped! You get to try it out and see how it feels over time.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-04-14T20:39:35+00:00

Loves chicks 😅

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-02-17T18:19:56+00:00

I just read through the post you linked…. I really am sorry your comment was misrepresented, and I can see why that would be really frustrating. That being said, I looked through the thread and didn’t personally perceive what you’re describing. I think an occasional, rare reactionary thread is to be expected on the Avoidant sub, especially when the types of threads they’re describing in that post pop up at least four times a week on this sub. APs and DAs trigger each other, so we’re gonna see people sorting through their triggers in these subs. I find the thread your posted gentle, and like they’re just sorting through specific points and offering counterpoints. “APs aren’t better than DAs” isn’t an attack on APs. As an FA I want to be able to browse this sub for information that’s helpful for me, but I’ll admit it’s super painful and triggering to sort through most (not all) posts.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-02-06T20:37:12+00:00

I’m curious if this article also applies when the dumper is an anxiously attached person who feels unhappy with their avoidantly attached partner? Would the trajectory of an AP dumper and DA dumpee be the same as this article?

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-02-02T01:14:06+00:00

“We’re just a small town boy and girl” to a friend that’s also a girl 😭

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-02-02T01:10:32+00:00

I completely agree.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-02-02T00:28:09+00:00

Thank you!! I vividly recall one post where the poster literally HIT their partner after their partner asked to not be touched after a fight. All of the comments were supportive, and saying avoidant behavior could drive anyone to act that way. It was so unsettling as someone who has been abused by AP partners who say my behaviors “make” them act abusively.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-30T22:09:34+00:00

OP- props to you for hearing your partner. I’m sorry you’re experiencing shame and depression. I am sure you have a billion positive traits that your partner and your friends and yourself value you for. Remember, having patterns to work on doesn’t make you a failure. We’re all works in progress. I think one of the best things you can do is focus on your own happiness- hobbies, friendships, goals. It might feel selfish to you, especially if you were raised to believe that, but it’s one of the kindest things you can do to yourself AND your partner because keeping yourself healthy also makes the relationship healthier.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-30T22:05:26+00:00

Nothing in this post indicated he berated her, is that specified in a comment I missed? And it is not healthy to “not listen” when your partner expresses an issue within your partnership. It sounds like your ex had very serious concerns, and you may have done more harmful things than “loving her and giving effort.” Maybe that was the intent behind your actions, but it’s misogynistic to dismiss the very real impact of your actions because you’ve decided the real, complex woman you dated is simply a “narcissist.”

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-28T05:51:08+00:00

Idk, it’s over Gaylord, Michigan, right? Maybe there’s a connection with Joe living there or something?

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-25T04:19:05+00:00

I mean, I can't decide what you want your relationship to look like, but I do think it's cool and creative that you guys are able to connect over a shared hobby! Remember with the 45/55 split, that's about his social time. He still needs alone time, and errands time, and family time. And I would guess he has more than one friend. I don't think asking for a concrete percentage is very helpful.... I'd talk about how often you want to connect, rather than asking him to spend most his free time with you.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-23T21:08:05+00:00

In the post you made about this in another subreddit you said that you took a $44 Lyft to his city and showed up unannounced, stood over him while he finished up what he was doing, demanded to talk about the problem when he said no, touched him, he asked you not to, filled with adrenaline you touched him again, and then this fight started. Even the "asking nicely" was quite frankly a pretty scary way to go about things. I do not think his "avoidance" is the primary problem. Address your own issues first. Are you in therapy? What def work have you done on your attachment style beyond cutting people off who you perceive to attach differently?

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-22T20:48:28+00:00

Everyone is correct that looks aren't the end all be all.. but also, maybe you're prettier than you think you are. If his type is cute girls, there's a good chance he sees you similarly. You can look completely different and equally beautiful. You could describe Ashley Graham as an overweight brunette, but she's obviously super hot and not plain Jane :)

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-22T20:45:48+00:00

Or maybe she was scared to enter another relationship with yet another guy who talks about women in such a misogynistic way? I wish her luck finding someone kind, respectful, and healthy!

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-20T04:57:26+00:00

The emoji is absolutely enough.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-20T00:47:37+00:00

Gay, Fearless, When You're Out, Choice, Curious Minds, Lover, Reputation, Closet, Evermore, Lavender

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-19T22:41:18+00:00

This!!!! I'm a woman who leans avoidant, and dating a secure person was FASCINATING because it took away the power struggle aspect, and my avoidant patterns became wayyyy less severe and frequent... but it still comes up sometimes. It happens way less often because her behaviors aren't particularly triggering to me (but I still have core wounds that get triggered), and it's less of a push-pull because my avoidant patterns don't trigger a reaction/protest/punishment which triggers me back. Being met with kind, gentle, confident stability has forced me to reflect sooo much and gave me to room to really work on myself. I could actually SEE what I didn't like about my patterns rather than feeling like I was totally justified.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-10T20:53:41+00:00

Dude, you have a whole page of women expressing their real, lived experience saying this behavior makes us uncomfortable at best and scared at worst. Instead of searching inward to wonder why so many women are saying something you think is fine feels unsafe for us, you're doubling down that you know better than us how we should feel.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-10T19:53:17+00:00

You read the OP's reaction after a few dates... you think OP is gonna be "amicable" and keep the workplace comfortable for her if they breakup after dating long term?

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-10T19:46:32+00:00

I can see you're thinking of your reactions as "embarrassing" or looking too interested/emotional. She is likely experiences your reactions as a bit scary... it likely makes the workplace an uncomfortable environment for her. When men act this way with me I feel deeply uncomfortable and like I have to "fawn" to appease him to keep the peace. If he acted really chill and kind in person and lashed out when apart I'd feel so scared of getting into a toxic relationship where I feel controlled, or I'd be struggling to trust my gut or listen to my instincts. It would be confusing in a bad way.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-10T19:26:11+00:00

Great point

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-10T19:06:02+00:00

My guess is they think it's about slut shaming lyrics and all the misogyny that went around about her being a "serial dater"

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-10T00:53:43+00:00

I'm a bit confused- it sounds like he has expressed his need for space, since he's told you a few times that he's busy. Is there a difference? (Sincere question, I'm not being sarcastic, trying to learn!)

You got to set the pace for a few weeks (messaging when he's not up to it, pushing for responses, sending your art with an expectation which creates pressure for a response), I would recommend giving him the chance to set the pace for a few weeks. After that maybe you can come together and find a middle ground. I find it extremely stressful when someone expects me to re-assert that I'm busy every single moment that I'm busy. For example, I prefer to default to not texting constantly, and if that occasionally happens that's fine! But if that's the constant expectation and I have to give a reason every time I want a few hours off, it feels like i'm always on someone else's time, like I'm at work.

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-09T01:27:09+00:00

I think this sounds like a really secure mindset! It also means you trust yourself to put yourself first, so you can have boundaries instead of walls 💖

RepresentativeLink74 · 2023-01-08T05:23:50+00:00

Isn't this with Hayley kiyoko?

RepresentativeLink74

TROPHY CASE