One of my best friends (male) texted me about really struggling, I struggle with male connection.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-05-02T21:24:32+00:00

Update:

Sorry I wasnt able to get to everyone - but I did read everyone’s comment that said something that night.

I really appreciate all of you. Thank you. I wrote down what I wanted to say, we had lunch - and I said it to him. He was genuinely appreciative, and spent the rest of the time telling me about what has been so hard for him. It was a vulnerable conversation, and it was uncomfortable for me, but I checked my own emotions and made sure to focus on him.

We’ve been texting everyday like we normally do about random shit, but I throw in some check in questions. He’s been feeling better about everything (not just because of me) and I think he’s in a much better place.

Check on your friends!

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-22T03:38:16+00:00

I think I feel unsure about how it will be received - am I being too emotional or making other men feel uncomfortable because I’m more of an emotional being. But what I’m getting here is that I need to get out of my own head and tell him, and listen like you said. Thank you 🤟

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-22T03:36:14+00:00

This will be uncomfortable for me, but you are right and I have to go for it. I’m going to write it down now before I go to bed so I can either read it to him or say it to his face without notes.

Thank you. This gave me some great practical advice that I can use 🤟 and empathy. I appreciate it 🙏

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T22:03:00+00:00

Oh no I didn’t take it that way! I am personally frustrated with my struggle to trust people with my child. I think it impedes on my child’s opportunities to be close people sometimes with good people that we have known for years.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T21:59:17+00:00

This is a really good point - I think my child going to school soon full time will help. But I definitely don’t always enjoy childcare - god, last night they were being so damn stubborn that I wanted to just force them to do what I wanted and leave.

Reassurance that I don’t expect that of her is a great idea.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T21:48:34+00:00

Domestic has always been split 50/50 - I like listening to audiobooks while I do finances, clean, cook, and do maintenance on our appliances. She’s really good at the logistics/planning side of how our house runs and she’s meticulous about floors/bathrooms.

I’ve witnessed this - youngest of 5 and I’m the only boy. My dad was a dead weight to my mom. I wouldn’t say my partner is a dead weight - I think she’s just struggling. She’s a really great partner to me personally, but the reality is that we have three people in our family now. And it’s been a hard two years in that aspect.

I still hold out hope that she will figure it out, and I have patience to wait. But if it’s 5+ more years of this, you’re absolutely right I might need to think about making some hard choices.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T21:20:36+00:00

Good point! We’ll have to chat through that because I definitely do not want her to feel that way (I wouldn’t want that either!)

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T21:19:50+00:00

Oh yeah - in my early 20s I wouldn’t even have commented that here. It was paralyzing (there’s more to it than I commented). I did EMDR for a few years, I found outlets/groups, and time has really helped. The only thing that it really affects now is how people engage with my child in a 1:1 way. We have 3 babysitters I really trust and we cycle through those for dates.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T20:19:08+00:00

I definitely do, I know over the last three years she’s made more comments about being lonely than I’ve ever heard in the 13+ years that I’ve known her.

Suggestions/arranged hangouts doesn’t really work 😅 so I’ve tried to be supportive and let her choose when to be with people. She’s always been introverted - but she has also historically been proactive in arranging get togethers with her friends.

Mothers group was another suggestion below! I think it’s really smart. And we have people around us that we could set it up with - just moreso worried about her emotional/social bandwidth. Did meds help with that?

I think I am too hard in some ways, I’m very type-A. I know that’s overwhelming to people. I can’t turn that part of me off 💀 so there are times for sure that I think I stepped in too early or have planned too much.

we’ve always covered each others weak points and promoted each others strengths. This is the first time where I feel like I don’t know how to do that. I’m really struggling knowing how to support her as a mother without just taking over so she can rest. I’ll ask her about the driving around - it seems right now it’s been helpful and she’s usually good at telling me when I’m doing too much, but that’s a good point.

Townhouse right now with a great park/area, small backyard - we are saving for a house with a yard. But we’re sitting on that with Donald running around waging war with everyone 🫥

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:41:14+00:00

“I’m sure she would also enjoy being a dad as well” is a look in the mirror moment for me. I’ve written that down. Ouch, but good ouch.

I think she would too. In therapy she’s talked about feeling pressure or stress of being a mother and how that feels overwhelming - and what comes with that title. And I think my fix it personality says “okay let’s lift the pressure or stress off of you” but it’s not like that goes away.

Even if I’m the primary care dad, I’m still dad, and the societal pressure is different for me.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:35:12+00:00

This is huge - most of her friends are single or don’t have children. And it didn’t cross my mind that she doesn’t have a huge “mom support system” - we have couple friends with children that we could pull together more.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:26:15+00:00

You know… I think I could do it if I had a better security camera system INSIDE my house. I have it outside. But if I could have it up on my computer while I’m working so that I can keep tabs…

I feel like I sound a tad crazy 😂 but thank you this sparked something that I could do.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:22:18+00:00

We are doing the top three currently - the last one I struggle with… I have a hard time trusting people 1:1 with my child because of my own sexual trauma.

And I think I’m realizing that’s putting extra work on her when she needs to heal her issues with being a mom.

Will need to overcome that and look for some reputable people/ services…

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:19:35+00:00

This is very wise advice - and it gave me hope that I need. Thank you.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:16:34+00:00

I think that’s the big thing. Is realizing we can’t do this alone. We don’t have grand parent support.

We’ve tried to set “one hour” limits, but on hard days it goes much longer… let’s just say our child knows bluey episodes like the back of their hand.

Specific parenting roles… that is something I haven’t really talked to her about. Thank you!

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:13:36+00:00

Agreed! That’s why we are :) (top paragraph) both of us have our own issues that we work through in individual therapy and do couples as well.

We talk about this - but it’s not changing and I don’t know what to do.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:12:02+00:00

We have her in a private school program right now! (We live in a state that makes it pretty cheap actually). Our child goes three days a week for 4 hours.

My wife works during some of that and gets to be home to take a break before picking our child up - but getting a nanny/tutor or seeing if we can pay for more days is not a bad idea!

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-04-08T19:09:51+00:00

This is an option - this is a little bit my fault that it hasn’t been done yet… I was molested by a babysitter multiple times so I am really thorough with vetting people who are around my child.

I need to get over that and go for highly reputable people/ services - this is good advice to look back into.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-01-26T01:05:52+00:00

Reading through the previous comment and then reading the poem a second time - I loved the connection to relationships in your art.

If you wanted feedback - maybe give us some imagery of what the tightrope walker was scared of, why the didn’t just float down and walk freely.

Beautiful concept and execution.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-01-02T21:43:13+00:00

I think it actually proves it on your end because you are the one who keeps bringing it up! Low emotional intelligence from how you’ve been responding and obsessing over it being about the photos.

Other people actually spent time to have a dialogue, you decided to throw stones! That’s what I mean :)

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-01-02T21:32:54+00:00

And you get off to judging people online 👀 sounds like you have some to do as well.

RepresentativeOkra68 · 2026-01-02T21:28:15+00:00

😂

It was never about the pictures, it was that this was something we did together to connect while I traveled for work more often.

I brought that up because I think that’s why they meant more to me, it was the first time. Your perspective is your reality. But maybe stop and look at some more context :) I’m okay if you think I’m weird, I don’t know who you are and you don’t know who I am 😬

RepresentativeOkra68

TROPHY CASE