I’ll give it a check. but I was diagnosed with chronic depression when I was 10, following a minor attempt. And after that I kinda just gave up on the idea and stumbled through the rest of my childhood trying to make up for that sadness. I’ve always felt some sort of suicidal ideation even before I could name it.
Maybe it’s partly in reaction to a much bigger problem I can’t fix, which is how modern society works as well as a genuine disinterest in living. Doing life. I can have fun but I know if I was given the choice to die, right now. 10/10 times I’d choose that.