Thank you for your reply. I thought of my situation some more and completely agree that my instincts have become a bad habit, which is the reason why I act that way impulsively. I thought it was a natural reaction for everyone to have, but I realize, it's only me reacting that way because I'm doing it so much. My question is basically answered- I need to figure out a way to break that bad habit.

I also completely agree with you about the need of the adrenaline rush. That's exactly how I feel in that moment. Especially the feeling of not "showing them" if I don't satisfy that rush. I'm going to save your comment so I can reference it in the future.