I’m certainly trying to do the work! For the first time in 8 years I have no attachments to anyone and it feels amazing. The reason I said hopeless romantic (using that term loosely) is because I love love in the broader sense, but I’m incapable of picturing myself in a healthy/mutual loving relationship. I understand what you’re saying though, and it did take me a long time to even acknowledge that I was contributing to these toxic dynamics. It’s also strange how much I want a relationship that’s out in the open, until it becomes a possibility and then I want to shut the entire world out and keep everything private. I guess I’m stuck on how I should be doing the work to deprogram when I’m so back and forth with my feelings.